September 19, 2011

How Did You Meet?

After reading this post ("I think we, as a society, have taken the ideas of 'fate' and 'taking the time to find that special someone' too far. And by 'too far' I mean 'nearly to the end of my childbearing years'"), I thought again about something I've thought of before, which is HOW DO PEOPLE MEET PEOPLE AFTER THEY'RE NO LONGER IN SCHOOL?

I didn't realize it at the time, especially with all the adults telling me to LIVE MY LIFE and ENJOY MY YOUTH and NOT SETTLE DOWN TOO SOON and NOT TRY TO GROW UP TOO FAST---but school is pretty much the only time of life when a person is surrounded by a pool of many single people of one's own approximate age. THE ONLY TIME. After that, it's workplaces, where people of varying degrees of age, intelligence, ability, and marriedness gather in varying degrees of randomness (i.e., if you work at Twooters, your coworkers will be of a more homogeneous type than if you work in a large office building).

I hedged my bets by finding TWO husbands in school. But what if instead of making a study of getting married, you used school as a time to distinguish yourself academically? What then? WHAT OH WHAT THEN?

Here is the information I am trying to elicit from you: where/how did you meet your significant other, especially if it was not in school? (But also if it WAS in school, because I don't know about you but I hate to be left out of answering such questions. And besides, the number who met someone outside of school means nothing if we don't have the number who met in school.)

It doesn't even have to be Your One & Only: if you met someone and had what you'd consider a solid relationship with that person, anything where the two of you felt like you were making a go of it (even if that relationship eventually wrecked), where/how did you meet that person? You can list several/many people, if applicable. _I_ would, if YOU were writing this post: I'd say I met three different Serious Relationships, and all three were in school. Then I would probably add that, since then, I'd met mayyyyyybe one eligible guy in one of my many jobs but he was married, plus one available guy I would have been interested in dating because he was super cute/nice, but he had a child and a volatile relationship with his ex-wife and was 10 years older than me and wouldn't have been a good match anyway.

As a side note, were you trying/hoping to meet someone at the time, or no? I know it's classic to say things like "As soon as I decided I would be happy being single, THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED"---but for an outsider it's a little hard to tell if that decision was genuine or if it was a FAKE-OUT, a RUSE to trick the fates after hearing many other people claim to have met significant others that way. And/or if it's a retroactive delusion, like when Rob says "Oh, great: on the ONE DAY I can sleep in, I wake up early," when actually he is just really bad at scientific observation and statistical record-keeping.

184 comments:

Hilarity in Shoes said...

And now I will read everyone's answers and copy their ideas, because it's been almost one whole day and no one has offered to arrange my marriage yet, so I think I need a Plan B, or Z, or whatever we are up to now.

nicole said...

We met via school. I met my husband's brother at the campus Catholic center. Eventually I met Husband. So we kind of met at school? That was at the end of my freshman year of college. Prior to him my other serious relationship was a guy from high school. So clearly I do not help. And Husband and I both agree that we would hate to be in the dating pool now.

Mrs. Irritation said...

I met my husband because he worked at the same company as my mom. His best friend was my mom's boss. The boss/bff and my mom conspired that we should meet. It's a long and sort of funny story I should blog about some time.

No, I was not looking for a mate. I was almost 30 and had just become comfortable with the fact that perhaps I would never find The One. I had definitely decided I did NOT want kids, so not finding The One was not such a big idea.

Of course, here we are, almost 11 years later...

Jess said...

Torsten and I met on Craigslist. So yes, I'd say we were looking, both of us, sort of by definition.

Let's see, another serious relationship I had, we met through a mutual friend. I wasn't exactly looking for a relationship but I wasn't not looking, either. I'm pretty sure he WAS looking.

Ms. Key said...

Great post, Swistle!

I've had three boyfriends. The first, I dated for nine months, and we met when I was in my last year of high school. We met at work, which at the time was at a local Lowe's type of store. We were working with tons of teens our age, so it wasn't so strange that we would connect there. But that's a high school relationship, and as I said, it lasted only nine months. Ended just as I headed off to University.

My second relationship, which for awhile was quite significant, lasted for just under six years. We met when I was in my second year of University. We didn't meet AT school, per se, but he was someone who had gone to the same high school as my two roomates... and one of my roomates had started to date a friend of his. We had essentially been set up as a blind date, which turned into a nearly six year long relationship. I thought it was "FATE", we said so for quite some time, and then last year (exactly a year ago yesterday) he ended the relationship with no notice. You know that whole history, haha. ANYWAY.

So now, I'm dating someone new, and we've actually been dating for nearly nine months ourselves! AND, we didn't begin DATING in school BUT... he was a very good friend that I had met, through mutual friends, during our second year of University (the same year I met Mr. Asshat of Six Years, amazingly enough). Mr. Lock as he's known on my blog was a good friend for six years, when my other relationship ended out of no where, he was a rock for me to lean on. He was single, I was single... and we realized just how compatible we are. We're in an amazing relationship now, with a very solid friendship base, and now I feel finally more secure in the fact that this may be The One.

And, he's a much better one than Mr. Asshat of Six Years, now that I've had a year to process what happened.

So, technically -- my two significant relationship were with people I met in University, regardless of how the relationship played out and when we actually turned friendship into relationship.

I do think it must be VERY HARD to meet someone beyond University -- it was something I feared when I found myself single a year ago.

Trina said...

We met at work. I was in a relationship at the time but had a HUGE crush on my now husband. I thought he was super cute. My relationship ended and I started dating my husband and we were married 6 months after we started dating. We've been married for almost 12 years now.

Michelle said...

We met at work. We were working for small newspapers covering the same area, sitting in the same meetings about whether a well-to-do village would allow a Wal-Mart to be built. I wasn't actively looking, but was trying to remove myself from an on and off again, unhealthy relationship that was somewhere in between. After one date with the now husband, I told the ex, that I was dating someone. I think it was more for me than the ex so that I would stop going back to him. Nine years, a marriage and two wonderful girls later, I think it was the right decision.

Kristina said...

I've known my husband my whole life - our parents were friends in high school and got together a couple times a year as we were growing up. When I turned 20 and he turned 23 we both admitted we had always had a crush on each other and started dating.

I had one other serious boyfriend, who I was set up with through a friend. But most people I know met at school.

Bethany said...

In undergrad. We were both 20 and not looking for marriage. But we found it and now we are 29 and married for 6 years. I think I will advise my kids to be on the look out for their spouse while they are in college because I agree that the odds are against you afterwards - its so much easier to date and have free frivolous time when you are in college!

Caitlin said...

I met my first serious boyfriend in college, but not MY college. I met him through my brother's college friends. I wasn't really looking or NOT looking for a boyfriend, mostly I was just really naive and focused on my studies. It ended up being fairly serious for about 2 and a half years.

I met my next serious boyfriend AFTER college. I met him through my college roommate's boyfriend - the two guys were friends. From college.

That was about 2 years too. Then I dated a couple guys for about three months each. One was friends with my friend from Hike Skool, and the other was a friend of my brother.

Are you sensing a theme here? Good, because I met my husband through my brother too.
My husband and brother were on the same ship together in the Navy, out in Hawaii. Their other friends were in town visiting me in Boston. My husband happened to be from the area I lived in and was home from Hawaii on leave. Mutual Friends hadn't seen him in a while, I told them to invite him over to BBQ. That was on a Thursday night. The next Wednesday I was on a plane to Hawaii.

(Fun fact: There were about 70 people at my brother's wedding in Hawaii a few years before. My husband was one of them, but we didn't meet. Though we did later realize that he had taken some pictures with me in the background.)

Paige said...

My husband and I were introduced by a friend of an exboyfriend of mine when we were juniors in high school. We were in Driver's Ed together, and we played Magic the Gathering at our mutual friend's expense the entire semester. It's amazing that we actually learned the rules of the road somehow. We went on a 'break' for one year while I was in college, but other than that, have been great companions. I fell in love with him because he could sprint and talked to me like I was intelligent. We have one beautiful daughter and are trying to have another baby. I have no idea what else you asked!

Elisabeth said...

I met my husband through a combination of school/mutual friends/church.

School: We were both at the same university, instead of living on opposite sides of the country like we had been for the rest of our lives.

Mutual friends: My roommate and I were studying for the GRE with his roommate.

Church: Said roommate offered to give me a ride to a weekly Bible study class at our church. My husband was in the same carpool.

I guess you can probably count that as an overall for "school," since living in the same area and the GRE are both school related.

Mimi said...

I've had two serious relationships... one was my high school boyfriend, and the other was my college boyfriend. I married the latter. When I met him, I wasn't looking for my future husband, but I was definitely open to finding a boyfriend.

Allyson said...

We met on match(dot)com. You are totally right, it's really hard to meet someone if you are not in school. Same goes with friends. I moved to a new city a few years ago where I knew nobody. You basically have to hope you are lucky enough to work with cool people. I also met a few friends in karate.

Bryahnn said...

My husband and I met at a mutual friends Birthday party. In college.

When we met, I was already in a relationship, albeit a doomed one. We friends for a year while my relationship ended, we both dated other people, and I graduated before we started dating.

But my brother met his future wife at my wedding. She's my husband's cousin.

Carolyn said...

When I met my husband, I was single and actively dating, but didn't meet him at an event where I had intended to meet anyone. I had made a friend in a dance class I was taking, and went with her to a party so I could meet him (she had warned me that the people there would be goofy and dorky, and I said, "I don't care, I just like to meet new people!") I met my now husband pretty soon upon arriving, we stayed up all night talking in the host's driveway, and started dating a few days later. So sometimes you have to put yourself out there in the world so you can meet, if not your future spouse, then at the person who might inadvertently introduce you to your future spouse :)

Magpie said...

he was a co-worker of my best friend from college. i went to visit her at her office one day. the rest, as they say, is history.

Jodie said...

My husband was my boss....
But we were both in college. He was managing the food service where I was working as a freshmen. We lived in the same dorm and we were friends all the while I harbored a SECRET crush on him. Because evidently we were not that far away from high school one of his friends told him and whoa turned out he had a SECRET crush on me.
We did compete against each other in high school speech team but never met. We've been married for 21 years.

moojoose said...

I was in between undergrad and grad school, halfway through a year break in which I had decided NO MORE DATING because surely, any soulmate or perfect other being would be found at grad school. Too many horrible tries (okay, 2) at the bar, I guess.

So, there I was, a few months in from having quit my job as a barista and moved in with my parents in order to save money for the fall. I went with my parents to look at a car for my dad and visit my aunt & uncle, and my future husband was there visiting his friend, my cousin.

The rest, as they say, is history.

But seriously, meeting through family was awesome. I was in my mid-twenties and tired of finding weirdos, after having wasted my late teens and part of my early 20s on this loser from HS. I knew this guy was all checked out and good dating material, and he fit in with my family seamlessly because he had grown up spending all his time at my cousin's house. Would recommend this to anyone.

I also hear singles groups at churches work for similar reasons, but I have no experience with this, personally.

Susan said...

I met my husband when we were cast as lovers in a local community theater production of a Shakespeare play. I know, right? This director has since gained a reputation for pairing up people onstage who eventually get married offstage, like some weird matchmaker service (we were couple number 3 of 5). At the time, I was getting over a breakup, and was looking forward to some single time again. Go figure.

I never had much luck finding boyfriends in school. I remember a lot of unrequited crushes and rejection. Luckily, I had a good group of friends (male and female) so I still had a pretty good time in college.

MC said...

I have had three relationships that I would consider significant. The first was someone I met in college. We were together-ish on and off throughout college, as well as for a bit afterwards.

The second was someone I met at a summer job. We initially date for only about seven months but also dated another summer a few years later.

The third is my husband. We met on personals2000.com, which was eventually acquired by match.com. We dated on and off for five years before getting engaged. We have been married for almost five years.

deanna said...

High school youth group at church. We were both the same age/grade, but went to different high schools. I'm guessing that we wouldn't have crossed paths without church. And I'm so glad we did. :)

Melissa Haworth said...

I met my husband and my other serious relationship both in college. But for an additional data point my sister in law met both her husbands at her workplace...

lifeofadoctorswife said...

Before my answer, I wanted to say how very much I loved this sentence: "I hedged my bets by finding TWO husbands in school." I mean, the whole post is Swistle Awesome, but that sentence - and its surrounding paragraph, really - really jumped out at me as Super Swistle Awesome.

Anyway, I met my husband in college. Before him, I had three serious-ish relationships, all with dudes I met in school. I can't think of anyone I've met through work that I'd be interested in.

I met my husband after I'd gone through a three-parter of romantic woe: a Serious Boyfriend breaking it off with me, dating a guy I really liked and finding out he was gay, dating another guy who decided I was not religious enough for him. So when I met my husband, I was Broken and Burned and determined not to fall for anyone ever again.

Bibliomama said...

School. I'd had two serious boyfriends before him, one in high school into university and one in university. I have a couple of friends who are separated and finding it nearly impossible to meet anyone dateable. I remember a friend breaking up with her boyfriend in our last year of university and saying she was going to have to go to grad school just to have a hope of meeting someone. I thought she was exaggerating - now I'm not so sure.

Jenny said...

We met in school, nothing very exciting AT ALL. We were two friends in a whole circle of friends (who all later divided in two's for marriage and dating, very true and strange) and have been together for over 13 years now. I must say, I always prefer people's stories that DON'T involve school.

Sally said...

Oh, I am just going to be super honest about how I met my husband. We were in college, and I actually tried to set him up with someone else, which didn't really work. Then one Friday night, I was at a party with my rugby team and declared "I think I'm going to try to kiss tonight.". I took a shot or two for courage, went to a party I knew he would be attending, and here we are, five years and two kids later.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Well,I suppose technically I met my husband in college. But not in an academic setting or on campus. He'd dropped out for financial reasons & was working in a pizza shop. I was also working in the pizza shop. I'd met the guy I had dated for 2 years previously at the same pizza shop, though he was an engineering student at the time (but on a different campus than the one I was on). So mostly I suppose it was at work. But it was a college job

HereWeGoAJen said...

Matt and I met in high school because he moved into the house across the street from me. We were both fifteen. And I haven't the slightest idea how people meet when they aren't in school any longer. I mean, I didn't even have any friends until I had the baby so that I could use her to make friends. If you find out, let me know because I'd like to arrange a marriage for my sister (who is no longer in school).

kristiina said...

I met my husband at work when I was 27 and he was 28 (we passed each other in an elevator). I never dated anyone in school..I was kind of a late bloomer! I had and dated two other guys before that and I met them both at different jobs.

d e v a n said...

My husband and I met in high school. I have often wondered this very thing...

Reading (and chickens) said...

This is my favorite topic to talk about IN THE WORLD. I am going to PRINT the comments and read them post-kid-bedtime.

For me: I have had exactly one serious relationship, and we met in college. In fact, when I saw him for the first time, walking into his apartment (I was visiting a roommate of his) and had yet at the very old age of nineteen not had a serious boyfriend, I thought, "Anyone will do! HIM! It will be HIM!" as I pointed to him with my eyes. And then we dated and I hated him and then he wooed me and I married him two years later, and lived happily ever after unless we get divorced later.

Reading (and chickens) said...

Also, this: "when actually he is just really bad at scientific observation and statistical record-keeping." Love.

StephLove said...

My partner and I met in college, on my first day of college actually. She was a sophomore with a dorm staff job and she checked me into the dorm. We later named our son after that dorm.

Lorraine Mazza said...

I met my husband on a Sierra Club hike - I was 24, he was 36. He had just broken off an engagement one week before. We went on weekend hikes for about a month before we had an actual dinner date and kiss. We're now married 15 years.

I have no illusions that MeetUps are the magical key to finding your soulmate, but at least you get to do whatever you enjoy and have a chance of meeting someone with a common interest.

Melinda said...

I met my husband when he came to visit his cousin who lived in same apartment building I was living in. I lived in a really small town and the super nice grandma-type older lady who managed my apartment building went out of her way to introduce the "young people" to each other. There were 4 of us (3 girls and a guy) who were all 23-24. (In fact, the girls all have our birthdays within 3 months of each other!)

We all became great friends. One time the guy's cousin came to visit and he and I really hit it off. We've been married for 12 years now and the guy and one of the other girls from that apartment building (my husband's cousin) have been married a couple years longer than us. It was a magical place. We were all definitely at a point in our lives where we were ready for a long term relationship.

bluedaisy said...

I met my husband during high school but did not have marriage plans of any type at that point. We dated again during college and it ended. Then we reconnected 3 years post-grad and I guess that time really was a charm. Although I was kind of a serial, one-guy-at-a-time dater, I had only one other truly serious relationship--he and I met through my former best friend...she was dating his friend.
I think you can meet other people with dating potential after school but agree that the older you get, the harder it is. If was trying to meet someone now, it would be quite difficult.

Jules said...

I met my first husband in school. That crashed and burned.

Then I met my next serious relationship at a rodeo, but he was the cousin of a friend, so it's not like I just picked up a stranger.

My second and final husband, I met one dark morning in hunting camp. I thought he was someone else, said hello, and he corrected me. Then I got disgusted at the bear hunters sleeping in because it was raining and took myself out deer hunting. The next time my future husband saw me, I had a mile-wide grin and a buck in the back of my truck. I was coming back to get help to hang it, and he was struck by the awesome. Oh, and he was a family friend of two of my friends, who had been angling to set us up for a lot longer than I knew until this year.

So friends of friends worked very well for me, as does doing interesting things.

Captivated said...

I really really wanted to meet someone at school. The one man I DID meet as co-counselors at Christian summer camp ended up being gay. Then I wanted to meet someone at church and was involved in church singles groups for YEARS! I ended up meeting my husband online on a site that no longer exists. I figured I would cast a wider net if I did the online thing. I had to weed through a LOT of weirdos but I had a lot more dating power with the online thing than in any other way I'd tried. We met when I was 32 and married when I was 33. Our 10 year anniversary is the 29th of this month.

missris said...

I met the guy I THOUGHT I was going to marry while we were both in college. He was a friend of a friend and we ended up dating for four years. Turns out I was neither religious nor conservative enough for him, although it took him FOUR years to decide that. Ahem. When I was in grad school a girl in my program had a college friend who had just moved to town for work. He didn't know anyone yet so hung out with our group a lot, which is how we met. We've been together 3+ years now.

missris said...

Had to add that I wasn't "actively looking" at all. I had decided to focus my energy on school and surviving my first winter in Chicago.

Jessica said...

I met my husband at school. He was looking, I was desperately trying to hang on to a different guy who allowed me to retain a little bit of hope even though he flat-out told me he wasn't *really* interested. My roommate, trying to help me get over this guy, set me up with my future husband. She had to REALLY talk me into it as I didn't want to meet someone else. Obviously, I'm glad I did.

Josefina said...

We met at church. Actually, I met my husband and both serious pre-husband boyfriends at church-related activities.

I was actively looking. I don't think I was ever NOT actively looking.

Sarah said...

I met my husband through OKCupid. We were both in graduate school at the time (different schools), and, having dated a few people in our schools, both eventually turned to the internets. I was the first person he dated from OKCupid; he was my third.

Sarah said...

I met my husband through OKCupid. We were both in graduate school at the time (different schools), and, having dated a few people in our schools, both eventually turned to the internets. I was the first person he dated from OKCupid; he was my third.

Kate said...

In an elevator in the office building at work- he was visiting another company in the building. He chatted me up and I was highly suspicious because it seemed so forward (even though I was definitely open to a relationship). I decided to go out with him anyway, and we hit it off.

Anonymous said...

I have to be anon for this and will try to keep it short.

I was sleeping with a much older man who I met at work for over 2 years. I was the catering director and he was the chief building engineer at a fancy office building. He was separated from his wife but I knew we wouldnt end up together--he was sleeping with other women too, ewwww.

He introduced me to his son, just a year older than me, who was a cabinet maker, to re-do my kitchen cabinets.

I ended it finally with the father. The son and I forged a friendship (I wound up telling him about the relationship with his dad. They were not close to begin with.) The son started pursuing me after a while, and I kept saying no, gross, come on.

But then he said the right thing at the right time and I gave him a chance. And we have been married almost 6 years and have 2 kids. He is a good, sweet, decent man--nothing like his father! Who by the way hates me now.

Nicole said...

I met my husband in grad school. He was the first good looking and normal guy I had ever seen in the economics program. But I wasn't into him, I was dating someone else. We were friends for two years before we started *ahem* dating. So, no, I wasn't looking.

I read that post and I was really touched by it. I've wondered that myself - how DO people meet people? I just have been out of the dating game for so long (13+ years) that I just honestly don't know.

LiciaLee said...

School here. We met in high school and started dating in college, married after we graduated. :D

Naomi said...

My fiancé and I (together for 5 years now) met in University. In the very end of our junior year, to be exact. We were going to different schools, about 8 hours away from each other, but met through mutual friends in the very typical meeting-someone-in-school scenario.
I remember actively wanting to meet someone for the first few years, and that didn't really work (looking back, I probably looked like a desperate fool). The year I met him, I was much less focused on meeting someone. When we met, I had just gone through a bit of a family crisis, and was not at all in a romantic or flirty mindset. It was a very unlikely time for me to meet someone. Though my 20/20 hindsight wants to say that it worked BECAUSE I wasn't trying. Shut up, hindsight.

Farrell said...

I LOVE this topic.
Especially because I am a single gal. And let me tell you: you are correct in that it is HARD AS SH*T to meet people at my age (even though I'm only 34). I'm over the bar scene and I look pretty young which means that IF I DO go out (once in a blue moon) and boys do talk to me (once in every 5,000 blue moons), they are usually very young.
Anyway, met my ex-husband on the first day of freshman orientation, college.
DID do online dating and met some people but nobody to speak of. Otherwise, twice I've been on dates/(short) relationships where I met the guy because he was a friend of a friend.
My single friend in Florida is in the same spot.
Most of the people I know met in school or at work. And if you work at a place where there are no potentials (like me), you are basically screwed.
Most affairs start at work too, BTW.
However, I will say that I do know two people who met on match and then married.
Otherwise, if it's not any of the above, it's been through mutual friends.

Farrell said...

PS - the only time I was ever actively seeking someone was when I was doing match.com and dating from that. But sometimes I did match because my friends got sick of me whining that I had nothing to do and "pushed" me into it. Otherwise, I've either been completely closed off to the IDEA of a relationship, or I've been happily single. Single, normal, non-married men haven't started dropping from the sky even when I wasn't expecting it/looking for it, just for the record.

Mouse said...

Great post, Swistle! I agree with your hypothesis, so I'm eager to see the results once tallied. I'm in my mid-30's and have same aged girlfriends who are single and struggle w/ dating now that we're out of school and live in the real world. The population of available, normal, 30-somethings seems to become more scarce by the day.

Met and started dating my husband in college. We didn't date consistenly b/c he graduated 3 years before me, but we "kept in touch" throughout. We decided to be in it to win it after I graduated.

Annika said...

I met my husband in college. I was not specifically looking for a boyfriend, but I was 19. I wasn't exactly NOT looking.

The only other guy I've dated as an adult, I met in a bar, through a mutual friend.

Alicia said...

I would say I've had two serious relationships. One, I met through a friend in high school. The second, my husband of 13 years, I met through a work friend when I was in college. So, not associated with school, but same time.

Nicole said...

I had been out of college for just over a year, living in NYC. I decided to take a walk one evening to see if a friend was hanging out at a favorite bar, as she often did. I was on my way, standing on the corner of 7th St. and Avenue A when I heard someone call my name. It was a girl I knew from a job I had in college. I hadn't seen her in a few years. She was sitting in a car at the light. I walked to the curb to say hello- she was with a guy I had never met before. She explained that he was a friend from high school, and that they hadn't seen each other in years. They had just had dinner and were going to have a drink and invited me along. Her friend and I hit it off and have been together now for 18 years. When I decided to take a stroll that night, I never would have imagined I would meet my future husband! You never know who/what is just around the next corner...

Jenny Grace said...

I met Gabriel's father in the men's room of a bar (this is a true story). But. I was newly out of school at the time, and he was newly out of the same school, so you could make the met in school argument, especially since all my friends were still in school.

I had one other serious....thing type thing, when I was in school.
Otherwise I have met a couple boyfriends through dating sites, and met some people for casual "dating" through friends or at bars.
Oh! I met a boy at a wedding. It wasn't serious, but it seems like one of the places people list when they talk about where to meet people.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

School! We met in a class in college.

JMS said...

I've had three real relationships. I met my first boyfriend in college; he was the roommate of one of my guy friends. We were together for just under year. The less said about that fiasco, the better.

I met my second boyfriend at my first post-college job. We'd grown up fairly close to each other but always went to different schools. We were together for more than five years. Staying with him for that length of time was stupid, to put it mildly. For at least the last couple of years we were together, I was very unhappy.

Hoping to turn my social life around (and secretly hoping to meet someone else), I decided to try out a local religious/social group. I went to one of their events--a potluck dinner--where I met... the guy who would become my husband. Long story short, I ended my relationship with the boyfriend. Husband and I have been together for nearly six years. I'd wanted a guy like him for... well, ever, but I never met one until him.

I'm envious of people who meet their spouses in college. It seems so much simpler somehow.

Beth Fish said...

2, maybe 3, serious relationships, met them all in school. Met one guy at work that I could have seen myself dating, were it not for the fact that I was already happily married.

CARRIE said...

I worked for a dental insurance company while in undergrad. My husband worked for this same company while finishing his master's. So we were college-age, I guess. He was 26; I was 21. We married when he was 28 and I was 24. (He's 4.5 years older than me in case the math is making your head hurt as it would mine.)

I feel like I was an infant when I married, so I'd like for my kids to be older, but whatev.

Karen L said...

First: StephLove wins a prize for giving us a how-did-you-meet AND a baby-naming story.

Second: Anon wins a prize for the best story IMHO.

Third: I'm not sure whether to leave myself out or not. I have the same thing when people are telling L&D stories. Mine are a little too good to be true. But they are reassuring for soon-to-be-first-time-moms. Anyway...

met in undergrad. not actively looking. married 3 years later. still happily married 11 years and counting.

Linda said...

I met my husband in church youth group in high school. I was 14 and he was 16. We dated a bit, but I was juggling four guys, so I dumped him. I broke his heart (HE SAYS) and his sister referred to me as "The black widow spider" for years.

Four years later, I was home from college for summer vacation. A friend of mine was visiting and we went with my mom to the late church service. (We were usually early birds.) I happened to see him there, thought he was still cute, pointed him out to my friend, and said, "I wonder if he'll call me."

Bless her heart, she was stone cold practical because she said, "Linda. He will NEVER call you." (He confirmed this later.) So I PRACTICED WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY (I am not a winging it kinda gal) and called him. I left a very well-rehearsed message and he called me back. I had thought to just have some summer fun, but we went out for pizza that night and were in love by the end of the summer. We got married three years later TO THE DAY.

We went to different colleges in different states, so we dated long distance for a year and then he moved to my college town after he graduated. We've been married for 13 years.

What a fun topic!

alice said...

Through school, but not *at* school - he was a grad student at the place where I'd gone for undergrad, taught an acquaintance of mine, then through a circuitous route of dating a mutual friend, he and I ended up hooking up.

I wasn't _looking_ to meet someone, but I'd recently thought a lot about the fact that I might just never date anyone seriously again, since it'd been years with only a few casual is-it-a-dates at that point.

I think it made me a bit more open to the idea of a Relationship, but it also made me less intent on Needing A Relationship, since I knew I wouldn't crumble if I were to be alone. (Of course, I was 23, so my concept of 'being alone' was a bit . . . threadbare.)

CAQuincy said...

School here. Love at first sight when I was 19--blah, blah, blah.

But my college roommate had no luck in either high school or college. She finally met her future husband through friends of MY husband's.

I know of two marriages formed through meeing folks INTERNATIONALLY online. One marriage lasted 10 years before the Brit bunked. Another marriage is still going strong 13 years later.

My father met two of his three wives from work (And I've already explained this tiny dating pool--those two work wives were also previously married to brothers, so THEY used to be sisters-in-law. So my current step-sister calls my former step-mother "Aunt"!). My mother met her second husband at work (The SAME workplace where she worked, my father worked, and my father's next two wives worked, BTW!). Her third husband she met at a Parents Without Partners dance (Whew! Chain broken!).

KP said...

I met my girlfriend of 4+ years in college. We were members of the same interfaith community.

I wasn't really actively looking at the time... I would have loved a boyfriend but for some reason I just hadn't yet found the right one yet (or ever) and after years of this, I'd just about given up trying. It took the gf months of convincing me I might be gay for us to give it a go, and in retrospect, what the hell was I thinking? I've never been attracted to a man in my life. (Conservative evangelical upbringing, totally fucked me over, yes.)

Giselle said...

My one and only serious relationship started in college. And thank God I met and fell in love with him, because as an elementary teacher, I'm pretty sure I would never have met anyone at work. Unless it was a student's dad or something. Ew.

Sara said...

My hubby and I met in college, in the beginning of our freshman year. One of my friends was dating his friend and that's how we met! We've been together for 16years. Oy, that's almost half my life. :) BTW, it was the first serious relationship for me. I had dated other guys in high school, but not long term. We often talk about how difficult it must be to find someone once you are out of school. Especially since neither of us are really comfortable going to a bar to meet someone, so I can't imagine it! We have a running joke that we are stuck with each other just so we don't have to be back in the dating scene! One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend of
6+years and is having a hard time finding a decent guy to date. Now that we are in our mid-30s, most of the guys she knows are married. She is looking into online dating with HUGE trepidation.

marilyn c. cole said...

We didn't meet in school! But we were introduced by a good friend that I sort of knew through school -- maybe more that we were in the same town, and I had old school friends that went to his school. But then, a few years out of school, my good friend and my current fiancee were in a band, I drove an hour to go see them, my old good friend introduced me to the drummer, we hit it off a little, saw them a few months later playing the drummer's own songs with him singing and playing guitar, and the rest, I guess, was history.

LizardBits said...

My husband and I met at work (large office situation). I guess I was looking because I had been single for awhile and was 26 and wanted to move forward in the whole "get married, have kids thing (which is funny now that i look back 9 years later). He was a few months out of a long term relationship, but I'm not sure if he was officially 'looking'. I'll have to head upstairs and ask!

L.C. Andersen said...

I met my husband through our mutual friends at a blues club 10 years ago.. I had a boyfriend at the time (who I had met at a bar) and we stayed friends. 7 years later I was engaged to another guy I met in a bar and we went on a break... Husband ended up hiring me for a job (music) and we started texting and becoming better friends. Fell in love and got married a year later. So we married 8 years after meeting... When we finally started dating I was in no way looking to get married, I was looking forward to being single! Don't think I've ever been actively looking for love.

cara said...

I had one boyfriend in college, and the relationship only lasted a month. I was so happy when we broke up. After college, I met my first serious boyfriend at work (different department, different floor, which was key for me), my second using J-Date, and my third (and now fiance) at a former coworker's housewarming party. When I met my fiance, I had been online dating for a few months and was so. done. A few weeks later, this party came up, and I wasn't originally going to go because it was across the city (far when you dont have a car), but I remembered that I had a lot of fun the last time I went to a party of hers (a year before), and I decided what the hey, maybe I'll meet some new friends. Not only did I meet my fiance there, but I did also make some new friends. So - go to a party where you don't know a lot of people but make sure you are feeling open to chat with random strangers.

Snoopyfan said...

I have had three serious relationships! My high school friends all thought I would be the first to get married of the six of us to get married (WRONG! I was #4 and 29 years old).

#1-High school boyfriend. Started dating halfway through my junior year/his senior year. Gave me a "promise ring" and I ended up at the same college as him only to be dumped by him 3/4 of the way through my freshman year. I then, as my revenge, dated every.damn.single.guy.who.lived.on.his.dorm.floor. HA!

#2-Met the summer between my freshman and sophomore year in college while I was back home. Ends up, he went to the same college as me. He was a frat boy and totally opposite of uptight high school jock boyfriend. He was a motorcycle riding, bass playing hot boy and I thought he was it! Dated him all through the rest of college and one year after and then he and I broke up and I thought my life was over. I had a large group of male/female friends, but no one was what I considered "dating material".

#3 is husband. We met through friends, although it is a sort of complicated connection. We lived about 6 hours apart and started dating officially 7 months later and never looked back. The long distance sucked, but we were engaged after 8 months and married 15 months later.

It was rough out there for a while, but you never know when you will meet someone! We have been married 11.5 years and have 2 beautiful children. If I had married either of the previous two boyfriends, I would be divorced by now. I have no doubt!

Megan said...

I've had 4 serious relationships; 1 my junior year of high school, 1 my senior year, and 1 the year after I graduated. I met those 3 guys at school but sadly they were all too immature for truly serious relationships back then. (OK, so it's not that sad. It's a good thing really although I still think about and miss the guy from senior year. He was amazing.) My 4th (and now my husband) was one of those fateful things. Long story short, my friends and I went somewhere one night that we had no intentions of going, but all of our preferred choices were a bust. One friend met a guy that night (now her husband) and he and my husband were friends. We met the next weekend at a party and OMG it is so cliche but it truly was love at first sight. I just knew and so I made a move and here we are 8.5 years later.

Jody said...

I met my husband in school; we were introduced at the start of freshman year, and started to date at the start of sophomore year. We were married 7.5 years later (we briefly broke up but neither of us saw other people during that time) and now we've been married 14 years.

My sister met her first husband at work, but a themed sort of work (so if they were both really into heavy metal, it was a music store: only not that, but my point is, they had a specific shared interest that made "meeting at work" more than just random) and she met her second husband in a bar. My brother met his wife at a party.

Elsha said...

I've had three serious relationships and the first two I can attribute to school. Number one was my high school boyfriend. Number two was my college boyfriend, who didn't actually go to my school, but his brother did and I met him at a college type gathering (that he came to with his brother) so I'm counting that as school being the cause of our meeting.

My husband however, different story. I actually met him while I was on a date with another guy. I had graduated college and was living at home while looking for a job. I got asked out randomly at a party, figured why not, and went out on a weird date. He asked me out again and I (hesitantly) decided I'd give it a second shot (I was bored.) So for our second date he took me to a party where he proceeded to ditch me. And I mean every time I walked up to him and tried to start a conversation he walked away. I thought to myself-- You know what? This is not going to ruin my night. Then I looked around the party (I knew nobody else there) and said to myself-- That guy is cute. I'm gonna go talk to him.

4 months later he moved to Texas with me, and after 9 months of dating we got married. We've been married 5 years as of June.

Rebecca said...

"HOW DO PEOPLE MEET PEOPLE AFTER THEY'RE NO LONGER IN SCHOOL?"
I used to say the same thing when I was married and now that I am single again I still don't know the answer! So I will be haunting these comments for good ideas.

I met my ex-husband in college and he was my first serious relationship. I wasn't really looking at the time, but I wasn't not looking either. I've had one serious (but short) relationship since the divorce and I had known him since high school.

Since then the only eligible guys that I have met who have shown any interest in me I have met through online dating. But no relationships have developed yet.

Anonymous said...

I have had two serious, long-term relationships. Both times I was looking for someone serious. The first person I met through my roommate's circle of friends. The second one I met on Craigslist, of all places, and we're getting (fake) married (lesbians in a state with no gay marriage laws) next year. I heartily recommend seeking out potential mates in a variety of sources, while you simultaneously pursue hobbies and activities that you find really fulfilling. Also, both times I found someone serious, I was just coming off an extended break from dating to get my head on straight before wading back into the fray. Heh.

kris (lower case) said...

we met at the stables where we both rode...

NellaBean said...

We met in college - he was a 5th year senior and I was a freshman. After his graduation he moved out of state and we dated long-distance for an additional 3 years until I finished my undergraduate degree. We've been happily married over 11 years and have 2 kids.

Heather said...

I was sharing university housing with a girl whose mother left our home country and moved to the city in which I now live. She met her mum daily in a chat room with the city's name and in there she met my now husband.

She chatted to him for about six months and one night she said to me, "This guy irritates the CR*P out of me...but I think you two would get on, can I give him your email address?"

"Yep, give him the dodgy one, not the real one" was my reply. We ended up emailing, chatting on the phone and three months later we met in person. Twice after that he flew me to his country to meet the family/holiday and a year after we met he asked me to move here.

A few years after that, we got married and we've been together (really happily) ten years now! I consider ours a 'meant to be' love story for the modern age lol.

Christina said...

I met my fiance online. And no, not like a dating site where I was searching. It was a message board where we just hit it off and exchanged emails. Then phone numbers. Then he was planning a visit.
I wasn't looking for it or expecting it at all. In fact, at the time I had a boyfriend. When I realized I was enjoying my conversations more with Johnny than w/ the exbf I called it quits. The rest is history! It was 5 years 2 weeks ago.

Sam said...

I love this topic! So much fun to read everyone's stories.

But I'm boring. We met in college. We were in the same freshman orientation group and then ended up in Music Theory class together. I recognized him (barely) from our group and said, "Hi, can I sit by you?" I was absolutely NOT looking because I had a boyfriend back at home (a younger guy, starting his senior year). It turns out that my future husband fell in love with at first sight that day during freshman orientation, but we didn't get together until our sophomore year. I had to dump my high school boyfriend (now a freshman at a nearby college) after several study dates that turned into having supper together, late nights at Waffle House...and then staying up all night talking on the phone to someone who WASN'T my boyfriend.

But! We dated for a long time and then broke up. I thought it was forever, my heart was totally broken. I ended up dating at least two other guys, both of whom I met through school. When Beaux and I did get back together, we were not at the same school anymore but still attended the same church and led worship together. We got back together right as I graduated college.

The Curmudgeon said...

Fascinating! I met my partner at a day-after-Thanksgiving party given by a mutual friend. I've lived in New York City all my life, so meeting people has never been an issue - if anything, my concern is keeping social stuff sane enough that I'm spending enough time with the people who mean the most to me.

I was definitely "ready" when Carrie and I met - to borrow a phrase from dubious pop psychology, my cab light was on, and the right girl showed up. :)

Kate said...

I went through college and grad school and came out the other side single. Afterwards, two relationships, one which never got serious at all and one, now, that is just getting serious (fingers crossed!). We met through mutual friends who just got married. He was the best man and I'm friends with the bride and did their wesding photography-- they had met online (also post college/grad school).

There are seemingly a million possible guys to date at my work, as it's a university hiring new young faculty fresh out of grad school every year, but most of the men are either married or jerks, so I'm quite relieved to have found a guy outside that academic setting.

kate said...

I met my husband at my job at the time. However, it was a summer job and we were teenagers, so we may have as well met at school.

It worked out - it's been almost 20 years - but I wouldn't exactly choose that for my kids. It just seems like we were so young - how could it possibly be anything other than luck that it wasn't a complete disaster.

laura said...

We met while in college, but not at college, if that makes sense? He was the friend of my best childhood friend's boyfriend (we were set up). They were all in school on the East Coast, and I was out West. We were in their wedding party, and hooked up that summer. After one year of long distance dating, I moved back East to be with him. Now it has been 14 years(!), 7 being married.

My other observation relating to your theory, is that I feel like in my circles the opportunities for meeting a potential mate through friends has been reduced significantly too. As we have all paired off (not exclusively within our group), the number of single people has dwindled to only a few, which makes it even harder to introduce people.

Lippy said...

Well, I know I will spend FOREVER reading these, yay!!!!

1) Met a serious boyfriend at 18 working at a store. We dated for three years, I moved out of state to be with him. I broke up with him because we didn't seem to be moving toward marriage quickly enough, and my eggs were getting. Ha ha 21 year old me, you are a dumbass.
2)Started working at another store while finally going to college. Met husband number one at work, got married. We were both in college and turns out he was an ass. We got divorced after 4 years. (now I am 28)
(maybe stop dating guys you work with at kmart, walmart, target, shopko type stores)

3) Normally I stay home for new years, because I don't do well. But I went to a party with a bunch of coworkers. One of my friend had his college buddies visiting for the new year. One of them was my husband Bud. We just hit it off, he was nice, funny, liked cooking, and checked to make sure the port a potty was empty and waited a respectable distance while I peed, but made sure he was right there when I came out. ( I was super drunk) Funny thing, our common friend told Bud he thought we were perfect for each other. He didn't say anything to me because he said he thought I would "dork out too much". He was right. I was almost 30, it has been over 10 years and I still like him.

squandra said...

Yep. My husband and I didn't meet in school, but we met through a mutual friend whom I DID meet in school.

I wasn't trying to meet someone at the time, and neither was he. Neither of us were interested in children or marriage (still aren't; it was legally inconvenient to be unmarried, though), so I guess that makes sense. But I wouldn't say, "As soon as I stopped trying, it happened!"

I would say that a kind of ... Not Looking-ness was actually pretty important to both of us in a mate. Not in that we are obnoxious Above It All people (I hope!), but we were both alone and happy, and just wouldn't changed things for a partner who wasn't also bringing a pre-happy, well-adjusted person to the table. Not Trying seemed like a good shorthand for that, and we are the kind of lazy people who use such shorthands.

My other boyfriends, I met either in similar circumstances, or actually in school. Well, and I did date a couple of neighbors. I don't remember ever wishing to be in a relationship in general. But I definitely remember wishing to be with CERTAIN people in a way that was different than when I started dating my husband. So, I'd probably define myself as Looking at those times, or at least ... More Looking-esque? Probably about the same for the guys in question, too.

So, I guess that explains my "No Looking" bias pretty well. Heh.

How DO people meet after they're no longer in school? I've had crushes on a couple of colleagues but nothing that would have worked. I think about if I did want kids or just wanted a relationship for whatever reason, and were needing to look at work, and a newsroom is pretty much like college and I am STILL damn impressed with you grown-up daters because I have no idea how I would handle that. What if you date someone, and it doesn't work, and then you ... still work there? Oy! Brave souls.

squandra said...

P.S. Just read that entry and loved it and now Hilarity In Shoes is in my Google Reader, yay!

Anonymous said...

I did not meet anyone in college...some casual dating, but no serious relationships. After college I was somewhat active in a church singles group, but met nobody. I actually had two relationships with guys who randomly found my blog, but neither panned out. I had exactly one date with someone from work. And finally I decided that online dating sites might be my only hope. I waded through a lot of weirdos before I got a message from my now husband. I hate telling people we met online, but in the end it doesn't really matter how we met...I'm just thrilled to be happily married!

In regards to your question of if I was looking, I obviously was since I was actively on dating sites. But I will say that I didn't meet my husband until I had wrestled with hating being single and had reached a place of contentment with being single, even though I'd have preferred to be married.

Maureen said...

Am I the only woman who met her husband in a bar? I wouldn't say I was actively looking at the time, although I did seem to meet a lot of guys that summer. I had a friend in from out of town, and we went to a bar I had only been to once before, along with my roommate. He was there with his out of town guests, and one of his friends was pushed into our table. My future husband and his other buddies came over to see who their friend was talking to, and we all just started chatting away. That was 18 years ago. The funny thing is it was a bar that he never went to either, it the kind of place you basically just take tourists, so it did almost feel like fate that we met there. I was 32 by the way, and if you would have told me I would find love in a bar, I never would have believed it.

nic said...

Oh, I LOVE reading these stories. Here's mine:

I was 27 and back in my university city after about 1,5 years abroad. I just wanted to finish my Master's thesis in a month or two and then go back to the country I was living in for the past few months. Also, I wanted to see as many friends as possible, which in one case meant meeting with a friend right after she had lunch with a guy who was in her department (both of them were doing their PhDs). The guy happened to be from the country I just returned from.
You can probably see it coming: I tacked on at the end of the lunch, the guy stayed, and eventually my friend left and the the guy and I spent the rest of the afternoon together. (My friend wasn't interested in him, no stealing romantic prospects!) It still took some time after that for us to really get together, as neither of us was even close to thinking about being in a relationship, but now we've been together for 4 years and married for 2!

Technically we did go to the same school (he came to my country to study at the same university as I was at), but while he did his Masters, I was off to his country to work there! So I would count this one as 'through a friend' - just for correct scientific observation and statistical record-keeping :)

Valery said...

I'm missing the weekly sports event here! The FridayNightSkate group in my city has brought quite some couples together and several skate babies have been born, I think the oldest is 8. The event is rolling for 14 years now.

TheSocialCommentator said...

Ooh! I love this post! And I love the comments! And I'm especially excited to tell ya'll how I met the love of my life! Exclamation mark!

I'm from Sydney, Australia. Prior to April 2011, I'd been single for a few years. Convinced I'd be alone forever and I'd totally given up on finding a partner. Then, a friend was turning 30 and decided to go to Hawaii to celebrate. She invited me to go, and I initially said no. Then our other girlfriends said they were going, and I was invited again and I thought well why not? I'd had a crappy last few years, I hadn't taken a holiday in at least 2 years, and why not, a girls' trip would be fun.

One night, we went to a bar (and in all honesty I didn't really feel like going out that night), and we just sat down next to these guys who were nice, so we chatted to them for awhile but ended up separating from them by the end of the night. A few nights later, we caught up with them again, and added each other to Facebook, and went our merry ways.

My friends and I flew home to Sydney a couple of days later. I thought I'd make an effort to keep in touch with those guys we'd met, and one in particular was very nice, reminded me of ME, and over a few weeks we would send each other messages on Facebook which would get longer and longer. And eventually we just fell for each other. We had completely different upbringings, but we've found each other's One.

He and I plan to marry in the next couple of years once we've saved money for 2 weddings: a Sydney wedding and a St Louis wedding. He is currently in the military (stationed in Hawaii, obvs.), but once he's out in 2013, I will leave my life in Sydney, and we will settle in Missouri, USA. We cannot believe how extremely lucky we are to have found each other. He says he wasn't even going to come out that night that we met. And we know how batpoop-insane our story might seem.

I have always, ALWAYS hated when people in couples say, 'It happens when you least expect it!'. I still don't tell my single friends this, because it just sounds so obnoxious. But... dude. I did NOT expect to meet The One in Hawaii on vacation. No sir. But I did! And we're perfect for each other! And we're disgustingly happy! So that's our story.

Catharina said...

Interesting topic, love it!

BF1: Met in high school.
BF2: Met in college dorm.
BF3: Met at job I had during college years.
BF4: Met at summer camp where we've been volunteering for years.

So two of the four did not depend on me being in school. Another guy I dated shortly I met through a mutual friend. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met the last 3 boyfriends, interesting trend now that I think about it.

Six Impossible Things said...

Two different Serious Relationships.

The first I did meet in graduate school. That went along for about three years, and then we broke up.

And then I was single for five years, which was both weird and kinda awesome. (I really value having been on my own for a good stretch in my adulthood.)

Then I got together with a dear friend whom I'd met through mutual friends in a college town, but not exactly in school, if that makes any sense. Her, I married.

Jeanne said...

I met my husband in college. We both worked in the library. The day we met, I had just been dumped by my long-ish term boyfriend (also a student, also worked in the library). My husband and I didn't start dating for a year and a half after that because he was dating my best friend at the time. Oh, the college years, they sure can get complicated!

Anonymous said...

Met my husband at the corner grocery store. Funny thing was he didn't even live in the same town at the time.

He was new to the state & was supposed to meet up with a friend of his for dinner (2 towns away from where he was actually living & not even close to my town, which is where he wound up) but ended up hopelessly lost instead. Driving around in an aimless fashion for several hours & missing dinner as he did, he decided to stop at the store to grab a sandwich & (finally) ask for directions (to get back home, plans with friend were a definite no go by then).

We quite literally bumped into one another at the check-out line, & he asked me for directions as we both scrambled about on our knees trying to pick up the various products I'd dropped all over the floor upon our collision. I laughed at him when he told me his original destination and pointed him toward a rack of maps.

He told me he wasn't really in the mood for a tuna sandwich and said that if I knew of a good place to eat late he'd like to take me out. I said yes, and the rest is history.

And no, I really wasn't looking for romance at the time.

JEN said...

I never thought I would meet anyone and get married. BOys didn't like me.

I met my husband on America Online Instant Messanger. It's a bit of a story.

Jude said...

I totally agree with you on that theory. I'm not with anyone (at 32) and find it very difficult to meet someone. I'm a photojournalist (regional paper), so meet people constantly, but always for such a short and busy time that we don't actually get to chat.

My sister on the other hand is married, to a guy she's been friends with since highschool.

Stacey said...

I met my husband at a bar, he was on a date with another girl, but somehow went home with my phone number :)

I was not really looking but I knew something was different with him. 16 years later I am still crazy about him.

Lynn said...

We're a classic met-at-school story - we were in the same engineering class at university. We met when we were 19 and neither of us thought we'd end up married...but six years later we still just really liked each other, so I guess that was that.

My sister just got married last year at the age of 35. Seeing her struggle for the past 10 years with trying to meet people gives me a huge appreciation for not having to be out there. Everyone I know is married with kids - where would I ever meet someone?

Katie Mae said...

Well! My fiance and I met through a mutual friend right after school, so I consider that basically school. I was not looking for a dude! I was looking to set fire to the entire state and move away forever!

But, I met my dude, and THEN I moved away forever and we dated long distance for about 5 years, and now we finally live in the same town again. And we are getting married in...18 days!

I have the same "how do people meet after school" problem, but for making friends. My friends are scattered far and wide. How do I make friends? (oh, hi Internet)

MoMMY said...

I tried posting last night but my comment was eaten. So...

School-ish? I moved back to my 1st college town after graduation to be near friends. (I was a college WHORE. 3 colleges)A really good friend (I met in college) was co-oping with a guy who attended the same college and he set us up. (We were the two shortest people he knew.) So we attended the same school for a year but didn't meet until 3 years later. We also attended the same concert, parties and had a mutual friend but NEVER MET. It is now 18 years and four kids later. We've been married seventeen years and we've even liked each other most of that time. (I'd say the last two years have actually been the best so far.)

Groovymarlin said...

I met my husband via Yahoo Personals. Way way back in 1998 or so when online dating options were kind of limited. Yahoo was kind of the new frontier, which is why I feel kind of sad about how lame Yahoo is now. Anyway, I turned 30 in 1998, and I felt like my time was running out. And I knew what I wanted, so I posted a personal and asked for specific things I wanted (minimum height, gainful employment, political views). Maybe it sound shallow, but what it did was save me a lot of dates with a lot of dudes who I would have ended up not being compatible with. Instead I found Mr. Groovymarlin and the following year we were married and are currently in the process of living happily ever after. Just celebrated our 12-year anniversary on Sunday.

Slauditory said...

THANK YOU for posting this, Swistle! As a person who spent her time working hard at school during both undergrad and graduate school, I met no one. Also, there are few straight AND single men in the humanities. I will be reading all these responses and culling ideas for where I might happen to meet someone.

Nowheymama said...

We met the night before I graduated from college because my husband came to see his brother, one of my best friends, graduate. I made it just under the wire!

el-e-e said...

I can't wait to see how many people say they met online. Because there are so many in my own circle (at least 4 of the married couples I know)!

I met my husband at work, and YES, I would say I was actively searching/hoping. (The timing was about a year after the end of my previous long-term relationship, so I was past the "I'll just be happy being single" stage and back to, "Gee, I hope I meet someone." Though I wasn't yet trolling the bars.)

I had met the previous boyfriend in college.

Meg said...

I have had three "serious" relationships non of whom I've met in School as I went to an all Girls School and am not that way inclined ...
1 st - Dated for 3 years, lived together for one, met at a scout camp when I was 15 :S we were from different parts of the country.

2nd - were together for just over a year, went to Glastonbury and the like together, and lived together for about 3 months ... met on a night out with some friends celebrating singlehood!

3rd - Been together for nearly 2 years and have a beautiful baby boy together... have lied together a year, He is the nephew of my Mum's best friend for school so I have known him my whole life... an unlikely candidate but a very much loved one none the less :D

funny old thing this meeting people business

Meg said...

^^Baby on knee so excuse appalling spelling and grammar !

Sarah said...

I met my first three boyfriends in high school. Went away for college, hated it, returned to town, then within a month broke up with boyfriend who had been the primary reason for my return. I went out with my current husband the very night after I broke up with the doomed boyfriend.
Current husband was my new boss at the coffee house where I had just been hired. But, luckily, not my PRIMARY boss: he was weekday manager, and I mainly worked weekends, so every time we ran into each other at work, at least one of us was off the clock. That helped. But it was still awkward, and after we got married we both worked the same shift for a few months, and that was SUPER awkward. So eventually he returned to software engineering and the office world, and I got pregnant, and that was the end of that. I still have fond memories of making out in the kitchen when no one was looking though. Heh.

M.Amanda said...

I was in high school, but he was not. He was the friend of my friend's boyfriend. That blind date was one of the very few non-crappy things my HS friends did for me.

If I had not fallen madly in love with him as a teenager, I can honestly say that the only guys I have ever considered possible alternative mates were people I met at college. I can't imagine having romantic feeling toward anyone I met through work or anywhere else, though that may be just because I stopped looking once I decided he was my forever guy.

Beylit said...

I met my husband in college, though he was not in college at the time. He had already temporarily dropped out due to family issues and was just a guy who hung around campus because his friends were there. I actually (unwittingly) turned him down the first time he asked me out.

When we finally did get together it was over a year later and neither of us were looking for a relationship. I was crazy blinded by school and ambitions and he was heading to California to satisfy his gypsy souls need to move. He stopped by a wedding reception on his way out of town, bags packed and all. The next morning he unpacked and we've been together since.

Now if I didn't have my husband, the only place I have been around a group of people that I would ever consider getting into a relationship with is at faire. I work for a couple of Renaissance Festivals, and all my friends pretty much work there, and now that I think about it a good majority of them met up and married their SO through faire.

So there you have it. If not for college I would have probably met my one and only at a Ren Faire.

Alice said...

i turned to internet dating really quickly out of school for this reason. in the washington dc metro area there are LOADS of young single people, but figuring out WHERE all those young single people were (aside from "in bars," which was not working as a way to find my Twoo Wuv) was challenging.

internet dating it was, then!

i've met all 4 of my serious since-college relationships online, including the lovely current one.

Ginny said...

I met my fiance at a pub where a friend was having a birthday gathering. He had only met her a couple of weeks ago at the same pub, because he thought she and her sister were both cute and went over to talk to them. He happened to be around the night of her birthday party and she invited them to join.

Meanwhile I had just received a strong indication that the boy I'd been crushing on for a long time wasn't interested in me. After having my cry and getting invited to the birthday fest, I decided to dress up and flirt like hell with whoever I met that seemed cute. I was really just looking for the ego boost.

We started hooking up in a very casual way: I was trying to make up for years of not-getting-any, and he had been through a rough breakup recently and was lonely but too emotionally ragged to start a relationship. We can't really pinpoint when our relationship started to get serious... it was all very gradual.

Jen in MI said...

I met my hubby at work. We both went to the same college, but never met. My first job out of college was doing direct care with persistently mentally ill adults. (He was working there, not a client!)

Sara said...

Met my husband in grad school. And, ironically, I was one of those classic cases of: "You know, I'm really happy being single," and then BOOM, I started dating my husband. But it was a real switch for me internally, that I knew I would be just fine if I didn't marry anyone and I was already planning out my happy life of solitary world travel and home life in NC.

Misty said...

First Serious Relationship was through my youth pastor. Second Serious Relationship was through mutual friends. My husband and I met at a job on campus, so school and work. I wasn't looking. He was just kinda looking. We lost touch and then found each other again through Yahoo Personals.

In between all this, I did use the internets a lot to meet people even though I was in school. I lived an hour away and had a small child, so didn't really hang around campus other than for class.

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

With my husband being from India, I always get the "How did you meet?" question offered with expectation. As if his exotic origins surely led to an equally exotic How We Met story.

Yeah. Not so much.

A friend at the time was working for his company (i.e. she was his employee) and she invited Manoj and the CEO over for home-brewed beer her chemist father had made. A few low-key group gatherings later (one that involved a super-geeky game of Risk) and my husband finally got the courage to ask me on a date.

That was nearly 11 years ago and we've been together ever since.

Angela said...

My husband and I met our freshman year of high school- we were in the same science class. We dated all through high school, college and grad school (a total of 13 years) and just celebrated our 10th wedding annversary.

So my story is of no use to you at all except to be a number in your denominator. :-)

Nik-Nak said...

I met my now husband when I was 19 and he was 26. We're from a small town so pickings were limited (although I was in college at the time but I wasn't into frat boys, which was all I encountered). Technically, I met my husband in a bar. His first words were "I hate bars. I'm here because of my brother (his brother happened to be my best friend's boyfriend)" My first words were "I think I could marry you". Granted I was pretty drunk, but I was right.

Most of my friends (remember small town) are all still dating or married to the guys we went to school with.

Lisa said...

I met my husband at (gulp) a bar. I know, I know...everyone always says you'll never meet anyone at a bar, but I did. I was 26 and we got married and have two children now, 12 years later.

Tess said...

I met both of my husbands at work. Pretty standard. I also met 2 other men that I had long(ish) relationships with in work-y situations (national training in one case, a job interview in the other).

Reading all of these comments also reminds me how utterly ridiculous it is for companies to enforce any sort of "fraternization" policy. That would be like trying to enforce a "no-dating-people-at-your-own-college" policy. Good luck with that, you know?

Becky said...

I met my husband at an out-of-town wedding...and learned that he lived a mile and a half away from me in my home city! Crazy. The wedding was actually en route to an job interview in a new city the following Monday, because... wait for it... I WAS HAVING TROUBLE MEETING PEOPLE IN MY HOME CITY.

Melissa said...

I met my husband through my roommate. They worked together. I was only a few months out of college when we met and the relationship didn't last. However the child we accidentally conceived did! So, we stopped dating, but didn't stop seeing each other because of the whole we're-parents-now thing.

I dated a few other people - one I met in a bar, one at a wedding - but nothing serious.

Then the eventual husband and I got back together when our son was 4. I have no earthly idea how I'd meet someone if I were still single.

A. said...

I'm in the crowd that met her spouse at school - grad school. College was spent dating inappropriate boys I met via the restaurants I worked out, not my fellow schoolmates.

Auntie G said...

I met my first husband in high school. That marriage lasted 3 years. I met my current AND FINAL :) husband in a play. We played opposite each other. (I left the callback annoyed that I didn't get to read last with him because I knew they were going to cast him; he left thinking, "Well, they're never going to cast that little brown haired girl." HA HA.) We've been married for 5 years and our second child is due, oh, any time now. (Oh please.) FWIW ALL of the straight men I know in the theatre who are married are married to actresses. The pool of eligible bachelors is small but they do seem to be the marrying kind. Although two married actors = its own very special kind of insanity.

Lawyerish said...

All of my serious relationships were with guys I met in college or grad school. But then I met my husband at work, when I was *definitely not* looking, since I was living with a guy at the time and thought I was going to marry him.

Interestingly, almost all of my long-term relationships grew out of friendships, so I've never really "dated" in a conventional sense. These things always just sort of snuck up on me.

Charese said...

I dated my high school boyfriend on and off through college (we went to the same school), then I had a very un-serious relationship with a co-worker. I met my husband through eHarmony about 5 years ago, and we've been married for 3 years.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I met a year after college, at a bridge club. You know, the card game. And the bridge club was at my old college, but most of the people there were post-college, including my husband, who was a grad student at a different school.

He was also the friend of a friend from college who also played bridge, so it was actually a combo of two good ways to meet people after college: shared hobbies and mutual friends.

And yes, I was looking. But also enjoying the bridge.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

Oh Swistle, this has been so fun to read! Thanks for that!

My husband and I were in the same dorm in college in NY, didn't know each other, but had friends in common and knew OF each other.

Then, seven years later, he moved across the country to CA where I was and a mutual friend told him to look me up. He didn't at first but eventually did. I was dating someone at the time so it took another two years for us to get together. By the time we actually DID start dating, we knew each other so well it was serious right away.

This is why I'm always telling my single friends to GO TO THEIR REUNIONS and college-graduates-in your-city-meetups. I didn't like him THEN but when we were ready he suddenly appeared unbelievable cute to me and it was like I had a built in understanding of who he was and where he'd been.

Oh, and I have successfully trolled personal ads on Craigslist for my girlfriends. One of them married the man I found for her! I love personal ads! BUT. I fervently hope I never have to use them for myself ever!

Melanie said...

I met my husband at Mardi Gras, on St. Charles Avenue. He was freshly-divorced and I was not looking and not not looking but having a great time! We married 8 1/2 months later, and have been married almost 19 years now.

Maggie said...

I met everyone I dated seriously in school - college, grad school etc. Then, I met the man I'm married to randomly at a party. The party was at the house of someone I didn't know well and I wasn't sure I had the right address, so I asked the first person I ran into on the porch if I was at Dan's party to be sure. The person I asked is the man I married. The whole thing was so random that when I think about it, it makes me kind of anxious.

My close friends, most of whom married around 30 like myself, met their husbands at work or through work. One friend was set up on a date with her husband. Another met her husband at the wedding of mutual friends.

Pickles and Dimes said...

I met my first husband in college.

I met Jason at work. When I started there, I was still married, so we were just friends. Then he got to witness my marriage collapsing and got to listen to all of my problems. After I was separated we started dating (the divorce took forever because I had to wait for the house to sell, lest you think I jumped into Jason's arms immediately, not that you think that). We dated for about 4 years before we got engaged and married.

In a few weeks it'll be our 4-year anniversary.

Robin said...

I met my husband on match(dot)com - we went out on two dates and then got engaged. Easiest relationship I have every had, and we are coming up on our fifth anniversary. My other serious relationship was a boyfriend I met and dated in college (and a bit after college) for almost three years. My three siblings also all met their significant others post-college: my brother met his wife in his church; my oldest sister met her husband in the army (they were in the same unit - but the same rank, so there was no impropriety), and my other sister met her fiance through a mutual friend from her involvement in community theatre.

SallyG said...

I met my husband at what I think was the best possible time for me: our Senior year of college. We didn't start dating until right after we graduated but we'd had classes together and gotten to be friends during the year. I think it was the best possible time because we had both dated several people, spent time in and out of relationships and really knew what we wanted.
I met all the guys I dated in high school through work and school and all the rest were people I met during college. I don't know HOW adults get together after school and I certainly hope I never have to try and find out!

Shoeaddict said...

My husband and I met 13 years ago, when we were both 18, at the beach. He was there on vacation with his family and a bunch of friends/other families from his small town. I was there with my family and my BFF.

My group and I arrived on the Saturday, his on the Sunday. We met Sunday evening and spent the entire week together. BUT, we weren't romantic until the last night. I wasn't even completely attracted to him at first.

His group was big and fun and we did so many fun things together. It wasn't until the end of the trip that I felt anything for him. Or recognized that I felt anything for him.

So, we met on the beach (in Florida) and we were both just graduated from high school.

Saly said...

I am reluctant to reply because you have 136 replies here already!! I am severely late to the game!!

Hub and I met on the school bus in 7th grade. I hated his guts. Our friendship progressed on the high school bus, where near the end of my sophomore year, I would sit with him and complain about my loser (drug addict but I couldn’t let go) boyfriend. We got closer that summer as our mutual best friend had moved away and Hub had a car by that point. We started dating the August before my Junior year, and we haven’t looked back. 17 years.

So, I have no experience meeting a mate in the real world.

yasmara said...

My husband and I met through mutual friends, but like @alice above, it was sort of college-related. I had gone to undergrad at Local University and was working there (2 years after I graduated - I spent 2 years doing other stuff, then came back to work at Local University). Future Husband was a grad student at Local University & we had mutual friends. In fact, I dated several of our mutual friends. We started running into each other at various local events (music concerts, parties with the mutual friends, a bar) and eventually he hit up one of our mutual friends for my email address & asked me out.

Among some of my other married friends, one pair met at work, one met in a bar, one married her older brother's best friend (great story!), another at college, and the rest are single.

Kalendi said...

I was 11, he was 16 and my youth director at church. I fell in love with him at 16 and knew he was the one I would marry. We started dating when I was 18 and got married at 19. That was 31 years ago and we are still together and still on our honeymoon. (O.K we have tough times like anyone else, but the D word doesn't exist. So we work it out).

jonniker said...

We had all the same friends in college, met ONCE, about five minutes before we were both set to graduate (I was drunk and very chatty, all, FINALLY, this is the elusive Adam Rubin!).

About a year and a half later, I bumped into him on the street, because by sheer chance, we both decided to land in Boston post-grad. It was by the entrance to the Red Line on Tremont Street, right by the Common. I hugged him; he hugged me back. I went into the office on Monday and realized there was a chance that one of my colleagues went to high school with him, so I asked for his email address (her brother and he turned out to be friends, ETCETERA, so many coincidences, my God).

I emailed him, we became good friends. My best friend finally told me that it was obvious that I had a huge crush on him, and I guess I did, but I had a boyfriend at the time. Finally, Adam sent me an email -- which I still have -- telling me to dump my boyfriend and go out with him instead. That was (oh my God) almost thirteen years ago. Thirteen happy ones, if you can believe it.

Rachael said...

First off, I was 29 years old, had dated losers and as$hats for years, had several long-term relationships that (thank Gawd) did not work out, and was "done" with anything serious. We (my group of male and female friends) went out bar-hopping at least 4 days a week and I was having a blast being single and sort of slutty!

I met my husband at the bar that we "always" hung out at--it was a Wednesday night and my best friend and I went for happy hour and stayed (as usual) to chat up the local weirdos and save the world. My (future) husband was in town for work (I live in AZ he lived in PA) and he hit on me with his weird Pittsburgh accent--I thought he was cute but drunk. We talked until the bar closed and I gave him my number. He called the next day and asked if I wanted to go out on Friday night--I made my friend and his co-worker go along in case he was an axe-murderer--we went out dancing and ended up going out again the next day for lunch. And then he flew back to PA. So, that was that.

And then we called each other and "IM'd" for the summer (this was 2003--no text). He came back out to AZ for work and we planned a trip to Mexico for the weekend. The rest is history--we were engaged 6 months after Mexico, married a year later, and, 3 kids and 9 years since we met--I still can't believe that a random night out led to this!

Joanne said...

I have been married for seven years and it's the longest and most serious relationship I've had, but it was that after like six months. I was old when I met my husband, 34. Not that this is OLD but it was probably old to have a first serious relationship. Anyways, we met on a bus trip to Chicago to see the Cubs play at Wrigley Field. We had friends in common, my sister knew who he was. We met that day and then didn't see each other again for several months and then we started dating in March and were engaged by July and married the following July. And now we have almost four kids and I am REALLY old and wishing I met him a lot earlier.

I was a theater major in undergrad, which probably explains the not-meeting-anyone there, and then I did meet people in grad school but my main person that I met there and I never could get it together, he ended up marrying a MUCH younger girl. I agree that if you don't meet someone when you are in school, it gets harder and harder - not just romantic meet ups but friends in general. I think I was less picky when I was younger, less judgy, and didn't have so many frickety fracken RULES that I have developed since then.

Kristin H said...

Ooo, I wish I had time to read all these comments. I met my husband both in school, and then away from school. We met in school but only because I was dating his roommate. I didn't know him at all. Then, he moved to Colorado to live with his friend Dave from school, and I did the same thing a year later to live with my friend Jo (a girl). Jo and Dave are married now. So we met originally in school, but we didn't get to be friends at all until after school. And the only reason we got to know each other at that point is BECAUSE of school--because the two friends who are married now got together at school.

Lisa @ Trapped In North Jersey said...

I hope you tally all these up with a pie chart for our enjoyment. :-)

I met The Ex two weeks into my freshman year of college and didn't shake him loose until 8 years later. (It is difficult to break up with Teh Crazy when Teh Crazy does not want to be broken up with.)

I agree, I have no idea how I would meet someone new at this point in my life.

I met my husband in law school, where he completely ignored me, despite parking his car next to mine every single day for an entire year. He asked me out a few weeks after I broke up with the ex, and we've been married 8 years now.

Anonymous said...

I met my husband on the internet. As in - a site for hooking up.

But we did more than hook up, we got married.

It was the best one night stand ever.

Tamara said...

I met my husband at anthe Easter party of a graduate school friend of mine. (We had been out of school for about 4 years.) My friend is a director and my (then future) husband is an editor, he cut my friend's first feature. It was a very Hollywood type first meeting, as it also turned out that my first boss (a documentarian few people have heard of these days) was my (then future) husband's father's best friend. So while we didn't meet in school, it was sort of school adjacent, albeit four years later.

Parties! That's the only place I ever meet new people. Which is why I always force myself to go to parties, even though before I get there I am sure I will die of some kid of anxiety attack.

Firegirl said...

We met officially during a camping trip when we were both married to other people. He kept throwing m&m's at my soon-to-be ex-husband. (:-D

We met again about six or nine months later after we both separated/divorced.

It wasn't love at first sight. I wasn't really looking for anyone and he REALLY wasn't looking for anyone. (bundle of bitter, that boy was!)

We'll be together 21 years next month....contented sigh....

Kristin said...

I started dating my high school sweetheart in my senior year. I thought he was The One, and so did everyone else, my parents included – we even got a little apartment together about six months after graduation. It lasted about 2 years all told. We were so, so young. I’d had a crush on him in some form or another since our freshman year. I don’t know that I was looking so much as I was looking for him specifically.

I met my ex-husband when I was 20, and it was completely random. He happened to be the guy standing behind me at a concert I had gone to with a friend. I was nearly a year out of the relationship with the high school sweetheart. I’d been on a few dates but nothing serious. I specifically remember saying that day to my friend, “I’m going to get myself a man tonight.” We chatted back and forth during the show, and near the end he asked me if I wanted to go out sometime. I married him four years later, and divorced him two more after that. Honestly, it probably should have never lasted that long in the first place.

I met my current boyfriend on Craigslist. We live together – boyfriend doesn’t sound like enough of a word, domestic partner sounds so chilly to me. How about love of my life? This is actually our second round of dating. We met on Craigslist, so we were definitely both looking. We dated for a few months and then broke up. In hindsight, I was too fresh out of the divorce and had a chip roughly the size of Texas on my shoulder. We remained friends but dated other people. Somewhere along the way he became my best friend. He got a job in a small town two hours away and moved. I ended up spending more of my weekends visiting him than seeing the guy I was actually dating at the time. I ended it with the guy I was seeing. My boyfriend asked me to move to small town with him. I quit my job, packed my stuff and never looked back. Best decision I’ve ever made. We’ve lived together for a year, known each other for almost three. I’ve never been happier.

Other less-serious dating partners were met online, except for one, who was introduced to me by my mom.

This is such an awesome comments section to read!

Frazzled Mom said...

This post is so timely only because lately I have been thinking about people who have what I call "When Harry Met Sally" stories. And what I mean by that is when two people seem to be put together through fate and just keep resurfacing in each others' lives.

I know people who have "When Harry Met Sally" stories, and I'm a sucker for these stories being a hopeless romantic. I wanted to share some of these stories, but I realized this post would become a book and they are not really my stories to tell.

The very un-harrysally, un-sexy truth is I met my husband through speed dating.

I was 27, and in an off-period of an on-again/off-again relationship with a guy I DID meet in college. My friend invited me to go speed dating with her. It was a trend at the time. I never used personal ads or dating sites or any other type of match-making service before then because they seemed inorganic, I guess. I also knew other single friends who never had luck with them.

When my friend invited me to go speed dating with her, I agreed. Honestly I agreed mainly because while this seems immature now, I wanted to make my on-again/off-again ex jealous.

I remember telling co-workers I was going speed dating that weekend and that my expectations were low. My husband was the first guy I went on a "speed date" with of the 25-30 guys who were there. And he was one of the only 4 within my age-range. Most of the other guys there were much older and divorced.

Mr. On-and-off did finally resurface after I had been on 3 dates with my husband. I told him I was seeing someone else. Mr. On-and-off's response was "I guess I F---'d this up."

I was a late bloomer, and never dated in high school. Between the ages of 19-27 I had several short relationships, the longest before my husband lasting almost a year.

Before my husband, I felt the most passionately about my first boyfriend, but that only lasted a few months. It felt like the equivalent of a year at that time. He was the only other guy I ever loved despite our brief relationship. We met online before match.com and e-harmony existed. We also to college together and happened to hang out on the internet back in the mid 90's. My friends and I hung out in the computer lab because we were a bunch of dorks. At the time, anyone with a college e email account could see who else with a college email account happened to be logged on the same time, and send those people emails. That's how we met. He sent me a random email, and I responded.

I only bring up my first boyfriend because there is a possibility he and my husband could be distantly related. I asked my husband-to-be what his Mom's maiden name was and was stunned to learn it was my also first boyfriend's last name. Anyway, my husband doesn't know him so if they are related, it's not close enough to matter, but I guess that might be a "When Harry Met Sally" coincidence.

Gosh – I did write a book.

Amy said...

I met my husband through my sister. We went to visit her fiancee at work (FF/EMT) and his partner that day on the truck was Mike. My sister and her fiancee knew him pretty well and liked him. I found out many years later that it was sort of a set-up although Mike was still married at the time I met him. Crazy. Well 15 years later and 11.5 years of marriage it seems to be going well. :)

Wendi said...

I met my husband online, through a hearing loss support group called The Say What Club (SWC for short). It was a mailing list and he was the first person to 'welcome' me.

I was NOT looking for a relationship - I was in the process of divorcing my first husband and ready to just focus on my young kids -- 3-1/2 and 7-1/2 at the time. We met online in fall 1997, in person in spring 1998, had a long distance relationship for a while...got married in 2002 and are still very happily married. :)

I met my first husband when I was 19, at the record store where he worked.

Not only did I not meet any spouses in school (I didn't go to college, just HS) but I also rarely dated guys from my school. Weird, huh?

Brenna said...

I'm planning to read the comments later because I find this topic fascinating, but for now:

I met my husband at work. Actually, I met all my relationship- type fellas in the workplace. Even in high school, I didn't date guys I went to school with, I dated guys I worked with.

I did date some guys from college, but those were always much more...let's say casual.

Lauren said...

Wow, what fun! I met my husband because of school but not while we were there. He was a grad student during my last two years of undergrad and we had several mutual friends. Two years later when one of the friends got married, we met at the wedding.

I wasn't looking to meet anyone. I got all fancied up for the wedding because I knew an ex of mine would be there. I sat with both of them at dinner which necessitated several glasses of wine :)

Amy from Occupation: Mommy said...

Short version: We met in college.

Longer version: We met on the second day of my freshman year. Yes, I was looking. It kind of sounds crazy now... Nevertheless, we have been married 11.5 years so I would say it's been a success :)

Molly said...

I met my husband at (this is so dorky) karate. I was not there trying to meet anyone - I was actually already seeing someone. I started taking karate on a total whim. It sounded like a fun way to get some exercise and I had always wanted to try it. It was one of those "this is something I want to do for myself" decisions. We had a special spark from the get-go, a wonderful romance and
here we are almost 10 years and two children later. Le sigh. I'm so glad I decided to do something as bizarre as learn karate at age 26!

Monique said...

Three serious romances - 1) high school. Dated "seriously" 3 different times, and finally I had enough. 2) best boyfriend ever. Met in a bar - the one I hung out and danced with friends at. He was one of the 2 male waiters ever, and we just clicked. Both of us were coming off serious relationships that ended badyly and so were only looking for fun, but ended up being together for 2 great years. It was always destined to end as I knew I would be married and have children and he was not going to either, although he later did. But it ended as well as it possibly could, to the point that, 25 years later, he is still one of my favorite people. As that relationship was winding down, I met #3. My brother and his new wife rented a house on some property that had a duplex at the front. #3 lived in the upstairs duplex with his sister and brother-in-law. We met, had some fun, and sometime after the #2 relationship ended, we started dating, then living together, then married 18 years ago this December, having 3 kids on the way.

DomestiKook said...

My husband and I met in high school. I was class of 97 he was 98. He was actually dating my best friend at the time. Not when we met, but a little later. After I had a disastrous break up with my boyfriend of 3 years, she made the ecxecutive decision tha I needed some time out with a guy, her boyfriend was safe right? what she didn't know was that he found out she had cheated on him numerous times and was about to break up with her. Sadly, she kind of deserved it. what she also didn't know was that he had had a massive crush on me for 4 years, since even before they started dating. ANYWAY... we started spending time together, then started dating, then were engaged by New Years Eve of that same year. 4 months? We've now been married almost 9 years. People assume we were HS sweethearts because we met there, but so NOT. There were a few other guys along the way, mostly friends of friends. I worked at baby/toddler store and most all of my coworkers were female.

Anonymous said...

I met my husband in my first year of university. The first week actually, we lived in the same dorm complex. And I hate to say that the cliche was true, for me at the time as was not actively looking for a relationship as I had just got there and wanted to meet a lot of different people. He was though and he actively pursued me. The best decision I ever made was to say yes when he asked me out. We have been together 10 years this week and the first baby is on the way!

I think the shift is now that people meet online. At least a lot of my friends who are still single (who I mostly met at school I should add) seem to be meeting people online now. It makes sense.

- Laurel

Kayla said...

Ryan and I met in college, when I was a little freshman and he was a very intimidating (to me!) senior. We were both involved in Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. I most certainly was looking for a husband. So I'm pretty much no help with the "How do you meet people after school" question. I can only speculate.

For a more interesting story about how we met, I invite you to read my most recent blog post!

Delia said...

I met my husband on an online dating site :-) I was 23, he was 26. We were both looking for a mate, but I seriously doubted I would actually meet that person online; I just thought it was a good way to meet people in general outside of my own circles. He was my first serious relationship. We have now been together nearly 7 years, married for 4 years and we have a 4 month old son.

Joanne said...

Also, I meant to say - I don't think I was ever really looking, actively. I did get to an age where I thought - really? I'm not going to get married and have kids? Because I always thought I would. So I guess maybe by the time I met my husband, I tried to act more like a normal person in the hopes that I would become one. Typically once someone started to like me, I would find fault with them and not see them anymore. But I actively TRIED to not be afraid of my husband, who had done nothing wrong but like me, and it worked. So far, anyways.

Anonymous said...

Everyone's stories are wonderful! Ordinarily wonderful! Mine too, met my husband the first night of freshman year of college. It was trust, lust, and love at first sight. Married him 4 years later, just after graduation. 22 years, 2 children, and countless adventures later - life is good.

My sister, on the other hand, single. Not only does she find it hard to meet new people (she works at an elementary school), but all of my friends are married so I am useless to her. She has tried online dating, but with little success.

So when my husband is driving me crazy - I just remember the color of the grass on the other side of the fence.

Anonymous said...

I met my husband at work first, then again through Match.com. When we first met, he had a girlfriend and I had had a Very Not Good breakup with someone else at that company. I'd sworn off dating people I worked with. I liked my now-husband and we talked, but it didn't seem meant-to-be. Then, years later and after I left the company, I sent a message to someone on Match who didn't have a picture up, but kept scoring high with me on compatibility and whose profile I loved. He recognized me from my profile picture and wrote me back. We both were a little weirded out but emailed back and forth, then moved up to the phone, then dinner.... Now, almost 8 years later, we're married, have a house, and a beautiful little girl. So I guess it was meant to be after all. - Steph

Tara said...

We met at church. I moved to Denver after high school because I hated Norman, OK where I grew up (ha, I live there now, voluntarily, as an adult, but hopefully not forever, OMG!). Jim grew up in Denver. I visited this church because my high school youth group had partnered with it on a "mission" trip to Denver when I was a sophomore. I sat in the back row. Jim was a junior in high school and was singing in the youth choir that day, and I thought he was really cute. I don't remember officially "meeting" him, he just somehow turned up in my life and my new group of friends. He then became my best friend. Less than 2 years after I first visited that church we were dating, and about a year after that we were married. That was... 11+ years ago. :)

Anonymous said...

I haven't read all of the comments but from my perusal it seems not many people met their significant others the way I did, the old-fashioned way, at a bar. Both of my years-long relationships included my current one with my husband started when we met at a bar. It's worse than that though. I slept with each of them on our respective first dates. So, several of the warning signs of a failed relationship and yet I consider both successful.

Kristin said...

I love these stories! And I can't believe how many people are married to someone they went to high school with.

Anyway, I met my husband at work, at a library. I was 23 and had just graduated from college, and he was 30. We had a ton of mutual friends, but somehow had never met each other, despite most likely attending the same parties and events.

I was not in any way looking for a relationship (happily, sluttily single), and he had a girlfriend and they had been dating for at least a year. But we really hit it off, and became good friends for about a year. I developed a crush on him and arranged my work schedule to coincide with his...so we would be able to walk home together after work. Brazen!!! He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend (we had not started anything at this point) and started to pursue me.

Although I liked him, I was still having a lot of fun with my friends in the bar scene, so I kind of rebuffed him. Also, he was turning out to be a really good friend and I didn't want to wreck that (you are so stupid at 24). And ALSO...he was not my type! I had this specific idea of what I wanted in a boyfriend and he was not it. He was too old, too nerdy, and I wasn't sure if I was physically attracted to him.

But he persevered (for MONTHS!) until finally I accepted his invitation to be his date at a mutual friend's wedding and we ended up making out and the rest is history. We've been together for 14 years, married for the last 7 and have two kids plus a baby on the way. I'm so very glad that I married my best friend. Who turned out to be "my type" after all.

Katie said...

I was a single mom and my son was with his dad for the weekend. Finally, after many, many months of getting through the split-up and divorce, I realized that I was ready for dating. I called my cousin with this same question...how the hell do you meet someone when you're a single, working mom in your 30's and no desire to hit the bar scene? Turns out the Internet can serve as a pretty cool dating service. My husband and I met online at chemisty.com and have been together for three years now. I was nervous to try the whole online dating thing, but, honestly, it was a pretty awesome experience for me.

juliloquy said...

I met my first husband through a friend/housemate, a couple of years after college. I was 28 when we divorced. I met my second husband in the Peace Corps when I was 31. He was also a Peace Corps volunteer, and we joke that it's an excellent matchmaking service (several young singles). Thanks for asking!

Jenny said...

I had to wait until I had time to read all the comments. Sigh. How fun. Thank you, Swistle.

My husband was my first serious relationship, and I met him in October of my freshman year in college. I was 17, he was 19. We dated all through college, got engaged my junior year, married after my graduation and have been married 17 years with two kids now.

I've met three or four men since then that I'd have dated, mostly online in various forums of interest, and mostly who live far away, sometimes internationally. Obviously this would be suboptimal if I were looking for someone. The internets are a great place for meeting people, but not always such a great place for convenient weekend dating.

Magic27 said...

I was a "best friend" type of person at college. I had lots of male friends, but never dated anyone (my love life: the big zero). I've actually spent many, many years of my life single, and pretty much hate it. My one "real" partner - we were together 14 years after all, and have 2 wonderful little girls - was a guy I met (or rather, who introduced himself to me) in the subway in Lyon in France where we both lived at the time. Of course, I should have guessed there'd be trouble: he didn't feel the urge to talk to me because of my radiant beauty or drop-dead gorgeousness, no it was solely because I was carrying (in my arms, like a baby) a huge French-English dictionary and he was studying English at the time.
That relationship ended extremely badly almost 18 months ago and - you guessed it - I've been single ever since.
I know there are dating sites, but I've never had the courage to go down that route (also, I have NO MONEY for going out/paying a babysitter etc.) and have no real experience of dating at all.
I'm actually pretty despondent, to be honest. I work either from home or as an English-teacher at university (with mainly female colleagues), so meeting eligible males is unlikely professionally. And using my daughters' school is out of the question too - it's a catholic school, very few divorced/separated parents and I'd find such a thing very weird indeed.
So. There you have it. I'm imagining my future with lots of time spent watching crap on TV with the cat on my lap. And never feeling a man's arms around me ever again, never have a man tell me he loves me, never feel loved or even wanted.
Sorry.
This post really touched a nerve. And my life sucks SO BADLY right now...

G said...

I'm late answering because I wanted to read everybody else's first. :)

2 serious relationships. First one, I met my first semester in college because we had a class together. We dated almost 3 years and I thought we were going to get married. Finally, around Christmas break of my junior year, I woke up. I've cringed a bit at reading a few people's stories about a guy who decided she "wasn't religious enough for him" because I suspect he may feel that way about me. From my perspective, however, it's more that I realized that our religious differences were less of the I'll-believe-what-I-want-and-you-believe-what-you-want type that I thought we could compromise on and more of the he-thinks-I'm-an-idiot-who-must-be-taught-better-about-what-smart-people-believe type. It only took me 2 years of fights over whether I was going to church that week and finally an attempt to physically prevent me from leaving the room in time to get to a church event. (And no, I wasn't in a cult. I was in the United Methodist campus ministry.) So, I ended it.

Then, I spent the rest of junior year and the summer before senior year single. I went home for the summer and told many friends that I wasn't going to date my senior year. I had no intention of staying in college town after graduation and I didn't want to have a somewhat-serious relationship dictating where I went. I was very casual and certain about these statements. It was just impractical for me to date with only one year left to meet someone in that town.

Met Husband the first day back senior year. He had graduated the year before -- same major, lots of mutual friends, but we'd never met before. We were engaged after less than 5 months and have now been married 14 years with 3 kids.

So, I was Not Looking, in a rather emphatic way and I sort-of met him in college.

Marla said...
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Laura Diniwilk said...

Justin was the head security guard at the building I worked in. My parent would have MUCH PREFERRED a gentleman caller I met at Young Professionals, but those dudes bored me. Great post!

Tara said...

I met my first husband at work. I don't think that's a bad way to meet men, assuming you know for certain they are not hiding a wife somewhere. That relationship did not work out, thus the "first," but it had everything to do with how young & stupid I was at the time, and nothing to do with how we met.

My current husband and I met through mutual friends, and it ALMOST didn't happen. His nephew and my friend were dating, and they decided to host a bit of a match-making evening at a local club. What's funny is that they were NOT trying to match me with my husband--they had intended to introduce both of us to other people. My intended match did not show up, and my husband's intended match didn't click for him, but we caught each other's eye, we talked, exchanged numbers, had a date the very next day. . . and we've been together ever since. Pretty funny, considering that this club was a place neither of us would ever have gone on our own, and my husband almost bailed on the whole plan. It's now 14 years later, we have a 6-year-old son and are almost entirely onto a second set of pets since we met.

My longest and most successful relationship has been with my 17-year-old black cat, though. She's been with me since the days of husband #1. I met her at the SPCA, but I'm not sure you'd meet a lot of significant other people there.

Banana said...
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Banana said...

I met my husband just after I had graduated college through mutual friends. He joined us on an annual camping trip and as soon as I saw him I made sure I was sitting next to him all night. Super subtle.

I was definitely looking; in fact, I had a crappy college boyfriend who dumped me and made me weary of relationships, and about a month before I met my husband I decided I wanted to date someone again.

Lauren H said...

Loved, loved, loved the comments! Throwing in my story too....
After graduating from undergrad (lamenting that although I envisioned meeting someone in college, all I managed to locate were duds!), my best friend and I did the whole backpacking around Europe thing. On our way from London up to eventually Scotland (a 5 hour train journey) I struck up a conversation with a cute guy on the train (Where I was fascinated to learn that apparently real Scots do not play the bagpipes...what what!??). He told us when we got up to Scotland to give him a call and he would show us around. I took him up on the offer and had the worst.tourguide.ever. in terms of hitting all the Frommers guidebook hot spots. Finding pubs, however, well, he was a champ at that. We hung out for three days and promised to keep in touch. That New Year's he came over for a visit and really hit it off. We long distance dated for 5 years (which was remarkably better than it sounds because a) it was all we knew, b) him being in Europe with decent vacation and I being in grad school our schedules permitted for visits every 6-8 weeks and c) you could actually snag some killer airfare deals). We have been married for 4 years now.

British American said...

Been married 10 years. Met my husband in a yahoo chatroom...whilst I was at school (college). I was an exchange student in the US at the time. Then I went back to the UK. Then we started dating. Eventually I emigrated here.

I did go to college with the purpose of "finding a husband" - so I was hoping to meet one - though I wasn't looking online. It was a random meeting rather than a dating site. So although I was surrounded by single people my age, I ended up finding someone online instead. He's only 4 years older, but I guess that means we wouldn't have hung out at college.

6512 and growing said...

A coffee shop 16 years ago, before people had their faces buried in laptops. Sigh.

velocibadgergirl said...

I'm so late, but I love these kinds of things. I met my husband the summer in between my freshman and sophomore years in college. I was happily single and looking forward to not worrying about dating at the time, honestly.

I met him because he came up here to go to school and got a job with a girl who went to school with another girl whom I had gone to high school with and was close to at the time. So it was this string of coincidental meetings of other people that led us to meet. And I don't know about love at first sight, but I can tell you that the very moment I saw him, I went "Whoa" and felt completely, utterly interested in him.

And 11 years later, here we are...married for 7 years and with a kid.


I totally, totally get what you're saying about it being hard to meet people after college. The only way I know of outside of work to meet people as an adult is to go to bars, but I never liked going to bars, so why would I want to go to a bar to meet the kind of guys who like to go to bars?

Anonymous said...

Boyfriend #1 - Through friends who met him in line at the movies. (Rerelease of Star Wars) I was 15, he was 20.

Boyfriend #2 - English class freshman year of high school, friends until senior year when we coupled up, after convincing my best friend to dump him. She's long gone, but we're still together 11 years later. I have some serious doubts about this being ideal- neither of us have ever been single or had any other experience as adults. I guess only time will tell. (Gee, can you tell we had a huge fight last week?)

Anonymous said...

I'm not in a serious relationship and I haven't been for 6 years, but I'm commenting because I also wonder how the heck you meet people if not at school? I've only had two serious boyfriends, one in high school and one in college. Then I worked for awhile and now I'm in law school. My problem is I view law school as my workplace and dating in the workplace as unprofessional. So I really just don't meet people that often. Usually if I do it's someone with whom I share a mutual friend. But it's so awkward to date your classmates. Especially since law school is as gossipy and immature as high school. For now, it's all right because I'm working on finding a job and graduating and passing the bar, but when all that's done, I'll be 28 and feeling the tick tock..