Describing a run-of-the-mill illness is like describing a dream. "I was too sick to take a shower." "It was so weird, it was LIKE our house, but it was ALSO our old apartment." "I sat in my recliner, but that turned out to be too active for me, so I had to lie on the couch." "You were you? but it was weird, you were also NOT you, you know?" "The barfing was bad, but it was the whole-body soreness that really got to me." "We were walking through, like, a park? I guess? And, like, you were telling me about your cat, but then suddenly Allison was there, and..." "I was TOO SICK TO CHECK TWITTER."
Illnesses and dreams feel so consuming, but they don't transfer well to the storytelling realm. Suffice it to say, I had a stomach virus (or perhaps food poisoning; it's hard to tell the difference) that completely felled me. And please note: the use of the term "stomach virus" is deliberate, to avoid spreading the highly misleading term "stomach flu." If we are vigilant over our entire lifetimes, if we spread the "stomach flu IS NOT FLU" message every chance we get, one day we may reach a utopia where no one will ever say again, "We were barfing all weekend! Stupid useless flu shot!!"
Who STARTED calling it stomach flu, anyway? Did they realize what they were doing? YES, some people barf when they have influenza; that doesn't mean that barfing = influenza. Influenza can also involve coughing and sneezing, but that doesn't mean that if your cold involves coughing and sneezing you have the cold flu; influenza can involve a sore throat, but that doesn't mean if you have a sore throat from strep you have the strep flu. A stomach virus might be CALLED stomach flu in a casual way, and that is FINE and I DO IT MYSELF, but it is only REALLY fine as long as all the speakers and all the listeners understand that it is NOT FLU. The flu shot does nothing to prevent it, BECAUSE IT IS NOT FLU. Why is it called flu if it's not flu? I don't know, why is a cold called a cold even though it's not about feeling cold? Why don't we have a singular pronoun instead of having to say "his or her" and "he or she" all the time? LANGUAGE IS WEIRD LIKE DREAMS.
Are we all clear? Because I could go on. Except I'm kind of too tired and sore still to go on, so just re-read the post kthanx.
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...