March 22, 2011

List

Paul keeps asking WHY am I SO sad/crabby. So I made him a list:

Husband: The Snip and resulting emotional stuff; temporary layoff if government shut-down takes place; still a contractor instead of a regular employee, despite repeated employer promises to change this

Parents: scary medical drama followed by resulting scary financial drama

Rob: orthodontic appliance keeps breaking and I have to keep calling about it and taking him out of school for appointments; pre-teen issues such as backtalking and disrespectful arguing that pushes my buttons in a way that makes me think I'm not going to do a good job parenting the teen years

Will: the birthday party (now over); several years' worth of progress reports mentioning problems with focusing, starting to make me feel like we need to do something about it

Elizabeth: storming off, slamming doors, screaming---at even SMALL things

Edward: my mom read a book about dyslexia and now thinks Edward and William have it

Henry: constantly talks about video games and shooting; starting preschool in the fall; doesn't obey until the nth time he's told

All kids: I'm not remembering to teach them everything they need to know; they should have been born to a family that could manage them better; summer camp dithering (choosing which ones, and it's SO EXPENSIVE and involves so much hassle); upcoming dental visits without dental insurance; video games becoming a problem again

Mouse (the cat): dying, vet thinks probably cancer (and says treatment wouldn't make sense for an underweight 16-year-old cat with other health issues already); in the meantime, using the entire house as her litterbox; vet is going to call to check in, so I'm constantly jumpy about the phone maybe ringing

Benchley (the cat): repeatedly going into the neighbors' yards (they don't want him to, and expect us to...tell him not to, I guess); harassing Mouse; vet says he's "chunky" and has really bad teeth for his age ($$)

Fish: acting weird

Minivan: I finally got the broken-off door handle (parking lot incident) replaced, and it doesn't work from the inside---but we only just discovered that (kids always get out on the other side), and it's been AGES so I feel dumb calling about it and asking the place to redo it (they'll think we just broke it again, because how would we not know about this for 8 months?)

Car: check-engine light took $1200 to fix, and then it was still on when we got the car back; place can't figure out what's wrong after 3 days (5 including the weekend); we've been managing with one car for 2 weeks now, getting rides from my parents every day to get the twins to kindergarten; we have to pick up the car today no matter what (parents can't drive tomorrow), and what if they charge us for all the labor involved in not being able to fix the problem? and now we'll need to somehow get it to the bigger city place, which will mean a 2-car hour-long round-trip for each pick-up and drop-off

Doctor: I have to go tomorrow for a physical, and my doctor has trouble with English, and I have trouble with doctors already (scared, worried about communicating issues effectively); also, my call to make the appointment was an enormous catastrophe, so that I'm still having furious imaginary conversations with the receptionist two weeks later (we can't really switch doctors or I WOULD HAVE, because that is an easy solution to think of)

Taxes: not done

House: the chaos of the rearranging; everything that still needs to be done; "living out of suitcase" feeling while those things remain undone; constant small repairs cropping up that we don't deal with; constant cleaning needed

That no-carb book I read: resulting food stress

Other books: three in a row with totally unsatisfying endings, plus one I couldn't even get through at all, plus one about a fat woman, which portrayed her as going to the grocery store, bakery, and fast-food places DAILY and constantly shoving massive quantities of food into her mouth (the Hollywood idea of what fat people need to do to stay so fat)

The world: full of constant disaster and constant cruelty

Other: possible impending UTI (and the possible impending argument with the doctor over me not wanting to pay my $150 share of a $500 lab test that checks only to see if she's prescribed the right medicine---which, presumably, we would know FOR FREE in a couple of days); all the phone calls I've had to make for so many of these things

********

Then I didn't give him the list. Instead I said, "Because every single area of my life has something either sad or crabby happening. That's why."


However, that left out several important things:

1. It's Cadbury Egg season

2. My brother and sister-in-law are having another baby, and it's a BOY

3. Maeve Binchy's new book due to arrive in today's mail

4. The peperoncini roast EVERYONE HAS BEEN MAKING is in the crockpot

5. Chunky, bad-teethed, plush warm cat sitting on my lap and purring and giving me love-eyes

86 comments:

Betsy said...

I've been feeling like that about my life lately too - different issues, same angst. It sucks. I keep thinking warmer weather and sunshine will help, but it's been nice the last few days and I still just want to sit in my house and hide.

But...thank you for brightening my day a bit. I didn't know Maeve had a new book out. I'm heading to amazon now to treat myself!

Anne said...

Okay, your list and mine are far too similar even though they are totally different. One POSSIBLE solution for the car door handle is that there is a child lock on it that has to be flipped "on" (possibly it is hidden). You have probably already thought of this -- but I had the same problem for a long time and didn't think about it. Getting even one thing off the list would be great.
Good luck!

Nowheymama said...

OOH! Nephstle!(?) Congratulations!

And I've been feeling exactly the same way. I'm hoping it's just this time of year, neither winter nor spring, getting to me.

The Diniwilks said...

I'm sorry that so many areas are crabby/sad right now. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.

The only area I have experience in is cat using house as bathroom (Momo was a pain in the butt to train until we figured out a rigorous litterbox cleaning system that was to prince Momo's liking). We got a Dreambaby Gate in Extra Tall (cats can't jump over), restricted him to a room with less furniture to destroy, and put a small pile of old towels down since he liked to pee on laundry - that way he still got to pee, but it wasn't all over a pile of expensive dry clean only clothes or whatever (not that I own anything dry clean only, but you get the gist). Hope that helps!

jen (melty) said...

I'm sorry you have it so rough right now :( But I'm curious what he said? Did he even read it? I could probably make a list of things that are making me anxious that's just as long (and very similar!)

Saly said...

Hmm, now I will seem like a copycat when I air my grievances today. It seems like everyone is on the same miserable wavelength.

I’m fairly certain that the Cadbury Eggs will help.

Stimey said...

Totally. I know. Sometimes 7000 little (and not so little) things make EVERYTHING hard.

Have you tried the Cadbury eggs with the orange filling? You can't find them everywhere, but oh, my God.

Lisa said...

May I commiserate with you? Lately things have been very annoying here as well, and they all involve stuff I can't blog about. I have put on a few lbs because I keep making cookies, which my husband is now referring to as "the agita cookies."

My husband is interviewing for a new job, which has a giant backstory I won't bore you with, but its making me very nervous and this is a long process that is expected to drag on for weeks. His first interview is this afternoon, and he slept peacefully all through the night while I stared at the ceiling till 1 am and then got up 6 times with the kids, all the while me being nervous about this interview.

This actually relates to Issue #2. I am having some family issues (we live with extended family) and since I have said all I can tactfully and have been purposely ignored I am stuffing my mouth with cookies so as not to say any of the furious dialog I have been having in my mind for the past few weeks. If my husband gets the job we can buy our own house, but we won't know for weeks, and if he doesn't get it then we have to stay here...oh, the agita.

Come on over, I'll share my agita cookies.

Farrell said...

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now.

Kate W. said...

Oh the suckage! I am relating to SO many of your issues! Very sorry...

The new nephew is exciting though!

Nicole said...

Ugh. I hope some of these stresses are relieved in the very near future! And thanks for sharing all this-I often find your posts to be soothing. (It sounds kind of weird that I find your stress soothing- I don't mean it that way. I guess I mean there is strength in numbers and to know that other people have hard times and find their way out makes me feel motivated and hopeful. Of course, I don't want you to have anxiety in your life!!) I know exactly how you feel- I've had times when every aspect of my life makes me anxious. I'll think about something, get stressed about it, decide to think about something else, only to find the new thought topic is stressful too. Sometimes I don't know how to run away from stress because there is nothing I can do about it- it is often dependent on outside sources. So frustrating. Anyway I hope things improve soon!

Swistle said...

Anne- I WILL CHECK THAT! Wouldn't that be wonderful??

Swistle said...

Diniwilks- Oh, good idea about the towels! I have some in the donate pile RIGHT NOW, and could put one in a plastic dishpan or something right near the heating pad we've set up for her to sleep on. Maybe then she would stop peeing on the NEW CARPET.

Swistle said...

Jen(melty)- After I looked at the list I'd made, I just gave him the summary ("Everything IS sad and crabby, that's why"). You should make your list---I miss your blog, and I totally agree with Nicole that it's soothing to read other people's stressy stuff.

drhoctor2 said...

My sympathies. Sincerely.

the cat in the yard thing i can maybe help with? you take an empty can and put coins or gravel in it tape the opening and then shake the bejezzuzes out of it at them. They HATES it. Give the neighbor one, it'll settle them down and give them something to do besides whine about it.

A virtual fist bump to you for coming up with 4 good things for balance.

Swistle said...

Lisa- I'm glad you wrote it here! Nicole is right: it gives an "all in this together" sort of feeling.

Swistle said...

drhoctor2- I'll do that! A little peace offering! And I added a fifth good thing.

momma on the run said...

I made that roast yesterday! I put it on rolls with cheese and put them under the broiler... and only one out of five kids complained. I consider that a success. I have been very sad/crabby as well. Thus the reason I haven't posted to my blog in over a month. Sending good thoughts your way. :)

Leeann said...

Dear Swistle, I am so sad we are not real life friends. We really should be because I swear you are me and I am you!

I am just coming out of a two and a half week crabby/ill patch that was utterly and completely miserable. I was sick, sick of my family, sick of myself. EVERYTHING seemed TOO MUCH TO BEAR and I found myself wishing women still had the luxury of nervous breakdowns. At least they got to go to a hospital, even if they probably did get the s(#t shocked out of them or something.

Re: William and Edward. I would wager that this is a huge stress for you. We have been going through a similar thing at our house with our third grader and the amount of stress and worry and angst I feel over this has been truly epic. Like nothing else I have ever felt parenting-wise, and this worry affected EVERY OTHER AREA of my life. If you want to discuss, email me.

While you are at it, email me anyway. I want to send you a couple of things.

Melospiza said...

((hugs))

You've got a lot going on. I'd be sad and crabby, too.

Swistle said...

Leeann- YES, we totally need to revive an old custom. We could call it "nerve trouble," and need to go to the seaside to recover!

Kristin said...

I'm sorry Swistle. I am just coming out of a couple month run of sad/crabby/everything that can go wrong will. I prescribe Cadbury eggs and the alcohol of your choosing. Hope things get better soon.

Amanda said...

Oh what I wouldn't do to get to go to the seaside to recover!

allstarme said...

Cadbury Eggs are the cure-all for what ails thee.

Lawyerish said...

I keep forgetting about Easter candy! Must procure some, stat.

I would be extremely crabby if I had this list, too. Especially that so many of the list items require phone calls -- each time you get one of those calls over with, you should get a nice reward, like extra kid-free shopping time at Target.

Lindsay said...

For my nerves, I take to my bed. And eat Cadbury eggs.

I was just telling someone last night that I have just become accustomed to my constant state of worry, and that I hardly believe things could ever go smoothly.

I want to acknowledge that that is indeed kind of a sucky list, and those stresses are real. It's not like there's something the matter with you, and you are making it up. Being a caregiver is REALLY HARD.

Good Luck, Hang in there, Hugs, and all that good stuff.

Rah said...

Geeeez, that list would make anyone blue! Sorry things have concentrated into such an intense NOW. No wisdom to offer, just good thoughts. Take care of yourself--if the seaside isn't an option, is there an acceptable substitute?

Marie Green said...

Ugg. Your list IS stressful. Of COURSE you're crabby... anyone would be.

I wrote this on Jonniker's blog too, but it's on my mind so much and this post ALSO reminds me of it: A good friend of mine is a psychologist, and she's been talking about how fish get stunned and paralyzed when the seasons change (especially when they go from cold to warm) and literally can't move. I guess some studies are showing the human brain does this too. Like, we get "stuck", paralyzed feeling, and it results in feeling panicked, stressed, overwhelmed, and like everything is HARD.

While your list is TOTALLY LEGIT as far as stressors go, I'm wondering if this time of year, combined with all of that, only makes every bad thing seem even worse? Because our brains are a little stunned and paralyzed, so we're "stuck"? I've been seeing ALL KINDS of this type of post lately-- it definitely seems like many of us have our own LISTS right now...

In any case, I really wish I could come over, or perhaps better yet, you could come HERE, and I'm make you yummy Keurig coffee and we'd let the little kids play and we'd eat chocolates and commiserate. Hope things get better soon... and email if you want to vent further.

Also, I hope your parents are ok.

Misty said...

Re: Paul's job. I know exactly what you are going through. EXACTLY. Only we got pushed one step further and have been unemployed since October.

Government IT contract? Never. Again.

So, I can see why that would make you crabby. Yes, I can.

Marie Green said...

Oh! And also, I used to think that nothing could beat the Cadbury caramel egg (the regular sized one)... until last year when I had the Cadbury mini-eggs in milk chocolate. OH MY GOD. You've probably tried them, but if not, please take yourself to Target today and get some. (We're on our 3rd bag of them around here.)

My other favorite Easter candy is the SweetTarts jelly beans. So sour and yum. (I haven't found them anywhere yet this year. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?)

Today Wendy said...

I was going to suggest you get your hands on "Minding Frankie" because I just finished it and it was lovely. Lots of sad bits and not quite as in depth with any of the characters as she usually goes...but overall very satisfying.

Don't know if it would help, but I always make a list to take with me to the doctor's office for my physical. Otherwise she asks me how I'm doing and I say "fine". I'm still just blown away by how much you guys pay for medical stuff in the US. The other day we had to take my daughter for a whole battery of tests - x-ray, ultrasound, blood work, urine analysis, plus the visit to the specialist. No bill for any of this. Granted the referral to the specialist took a couple months, but once she'd been seen all the tests were done the next day, and we had the results back, plus a treatment plan within the week. Sorry for going on like this, it just shocks me that you guys have to pay so much money.

BTW, you're gorgeous, and funny, and it's all going to work out fine.

Clarabella said...

I am stressed the hell out in many areas of my life as well right now, so I empathize. But YAYAYAYAYAY for a new nephew! That should alleviate a big part of the crabbiness right there!

Tess said...

These lists really are soothing.

I'm so glad I read the comments, too, because NERVE TROUBLE! Heh.

I cannot believe you have to have a PHYSICAL too. That just seems...TOO MUCH TO BEAR.

Maureen said...

No wonder you feel stressed and crabby, I hope things get better soon for you.

Have you read the Flavia De Luce mysteries by Alan Bradley? I am a bit late to the party with them, and they are wonderful. The first one is Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie-I actually read them out of order by mistake, but no harm done. Anyway, Flavia is one of the very best characters ever, and she might help lift you out of the doldrums.

Naomi said...

Hug!!

Nicole said...

Oh Swistle, I'm sorry. All those things suck. But as you say, it IS Cadbury egg season and that certainly counts for something. xo

Kelly said...

I just left the longest most supportive comment EVER and it didn't post. wtf.

anyway, basically...I so understand what you're feeling and HUG!! hang in there. just tread water for awhile. be gentle with yourself. you will conquer the world soon enough.

you can email me if you want me to elaborate on my uber supportive blathering. lol

Kelly said...

and yes, OMG, cadbury eggs are reason enough for living.

oh...and, may I just add...See's candy eggs? with the like walnut fudgey center? hello?!! chocolate egg=foodgasm!!! get one!

Pickles and Dimes said...

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate - ugh. I hope a bunch of nice things happen to even the scales. In the meantime, release the Cadbury Eggs!

Sometimes I think I deal so much better with one major issue than dozens of lesser, annoying ones. Those are the ones that break me.

Right now, I have a list similar to yours and while almost all of the items could be so much worse, it's frustrating that they're happening at all.

Oh, the furnace isn't working? Well, I guess I'm supposed to be happy that it got fixed vs. being annoyed that I had to wait all day for the repair guy. Oh, we owe for taxes because our employers didn't withhold enough even though we both claimed zero? Well, I guess I'm supposed to be happy that we don't owe more, etc., etc.

I hate that people want you to be happy that things aren't worse, but it would be SO EFFING NICE not to have to deal with the annoyances in the first place, you know?

Dawn said...

I second what Pickles and Dimes said about it being easier to handle one big issue than a bunch of little ones. It's all of the smaller problems adding up everywhere I turn that gets me.

When I had to have surgery and would be out of commission for 3 months? I swung into action and got the household stocked up and prepared for 3 months without Mom to fix everything.

When a family member decided to enter rehab for their addiction? No problem. We hopped to it and got everything done that needed to be done.

But the things that have no clear way to "fix" them, the things that MIGHT be nothing but I just don't know, like the kid behavior and the job insecurity? They are what pile up and make me not ever want to get out of bed again. I feel for you. Cadbury Eggs all around.

bunnyslippers said...

I think the happy list requires some brownies with salty peanuts, chopped cadbury eggs and caramel sauce on top.

We recently broke down and had the vet do dental surgery on our stinky-mouthed, fat tabby*. He had extra teeth that used to catch food and caused dental issues. He has been way happier since (after the whole post-vet other cat weirdness passed).

*I think that tabbies have a stronger food drive than other cats.

It is also *very* reassuring to know that other people have furious imaginary conversations with people too.

C C Donna said...

It's the season!! For years and years I've been plagued with sadness in March (miserable March) ...and it's my birthday month so in the past (not now because I'm damn old) it meant presents and fun! But still, I was sad, especially when my children were little and I was a stay at home mom. I live where winter is cold, snowy and dreary so I just know it's lack of vitimin D (although I take suppliments) and I just get sick, sick, sick of the cold. Today there's a stiff wind, my feet are ice cubes even inside and the clouds are thick and gray. I'm just thankful in my head that it's March and not November or I'd have to shoot myself. I just wish my spirit would be happy about it, too. Some days I'm so cranky, I can't standed being with myself!

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're going through all of this, but maybe it will make you feel a teeny bit better to know that reading your post made me feel better. Not in a schadenfreude sort of way--but because it made me feel so not alone in my own current misery (first thing I did when I woke this morning was cry).

I hate March with a passion and always have and can't wait until it's over. My low opinion of March didn't disappoint this year (my baby spent a week in the hospital for starters) but I just know April will bring better things for all of us struggling. Meanwhile, there are the cadbury eggs...thank you for reminding me! I plan on making a stop at the store on the way home.

JEN said...

Oh Swiz - Thanks so much for posting this. It makes me feel so much better to realize that we all have problems.

Hugs (and Candy) vibes your way.

Heather R said...

My husband is having a month like yours. I always find that if one of is really stressed out, the other one has to be the "calm one". We need to balance each other out or something. He is stressed out his job and needing to work SO many hours....probably 7 days a week pretty soon. Then he feels like even if he does this for months and months, he will still be thrown under the bus by his boss and fired. I think it's probably not as bad as he thinks it is because he gets himself into worst-case-scenario-mode.

Other things bringing him down include Travelocity constantly sending him messages that something is wrong with out flight or tickets and he has to keep calling and talking to several people before finally getting an answer. And it keeps happening at the worst possible time. And the water bill was HUGE! Our town SUCKS! And our remote was missing!!! It was the worst week ever for him. I have been okay though because one of us has to be.

I also hate having to make a lot of annoying phone calls and it does seem to all happen at once. FWIW, I feel the same way about Amelia (who is 4) as you feel about Rob, in terms of being afraid of the teenage years. I think maybe there is no parent that can handle the teenage years WELL...maybe it's just about getting through it without making too many mistakes?

I'm sorry you're so stressed....hugs:)

Heather R said...

sorry about all the typos....I was half-watching TV while typing...never a smart thing to do!!

Alicia said...

I could make my own list, but you've done such a good job outlining a lot of issues I would list too!

Husband: Same snip (but no emotional stuff somehow)

Kieran (Rob equivalent): orthodontic appliance doesn't keep breaking, but his teeth look like they're going to rot out of his head due to lack of/bad brushing habits; pre-teen issues, also that foreshadow possible inability to deal with teenagers on my part; emotional/anxious mess recently, recalling a time two years ago that was decidedly NOT GOOD; this is my dyslexic one (which is JUST FINE)

Anneke (Elizabeth equivalent): whining whining whining, as always (although she DOES seem better recently, in general)

Griffon (Henry equivalent; I skipped Will and Edward): doesn't obey without threats of something; constantly imitates video game noises and shooting/fighting; not starting Kinder until F12 (sighhhh)

Archer (no equivalent): wakes up entirely too early for anyone's comfort (but he's very tiny and cute); whines because he's always overtired

All kids: birthdays/parties all coming up (April 24 to June 4); summer camp dithering

Minivan: needs recall work, but place says it's low priority, so may have to leave it there for the day (BUT WE ONLY HAVE ONE CAR)

Doctor/Phone Calls: Need to make a number of phone calls, which I dread so much, a lot of which involve scheduling doctor appointments, which I dread so much

House: Always a disaster

Brother: moved in with us

Work: WAY too much to do, juggling too many jobs/responsibilities

Finances: WAY too little money, even given the too many jobs

The world: full of constant disaster and constant cruelty, some of which is magnified by people I know (whose politics I don't abide)

The body: Currently losing weight (nice) but completely terrified that I will just yo-yo back up (likely)

But, yes:

It is Cadbury Egg season (4 WW points)

I MADE THE PEPPERONCINI ROAST YESTERDAY! (and by "I," I mean my husband) Was great! Tip: I would add more pepperoncini juice to keep it from drying out.

Lots of new babies, none of them mine!

***

Okay, so I guess I ended up making a list. That was very satisfying.

d e v a n said...

Chunky cats are the best kind, if you ask me.

Maggie said...

Ugh I feel you with this list too closely - have had troubling parental health issues and I work for the federal government and am the primary bread winner so the relatively constant low-grade stress about possibly not getting paid for some indeterminate period of time is wearing me thin. Plus let's not discount the effect of daylight savings time on my kids. The whole things adds up to one big pile of ill-defined bleh/crabbiness. Have been consuming Easter colored m&ms by the bag full for "medicinal purposes."

Nik-Nak said...

I am SO sorry for all of your troubles/worries. I hate when there are a million small things weighing on my mind. It is so much harder to deal with than just one or two larger things. Just know we re all thinking about you and hoping that everything works out for the best!

Christine said...

Swistle I'm so sorry things are piled high on your plate right now. Hoping that things get better soon and fast. (Apropos of nothing I was so happy to see you comment over at two whole cakes. It makes my bloggy heart proud). Sending lots of good vibes your way

Christina said...

My eye started twitching whilst reading your list. It makes me want to make my own list - it seems therapeutic to get it all out.

Ask the school if they have any resources for testing. When I was younger I was having some difficulties and was able to be tested by the school. Turns out I had hearing loss (result from an infant illness) and wasn't hearing everything properly - lots of misunderstanding.

Christina said...

Oh and I screamed and slammed doors over small things with just having ONE brother. Can't imagine 4 brothers - I think it's normal for little girls!

Swistle said...

Kelly- I am not even lying: the next email in my inbox after your comment was from See's. IT IS A SIGN.

Swistle said...

Alicia- I had TEARS IN MY EYES from your list, from the happy empathy feeling of "WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER." (Also, I love your kids' names.)

Margie said...

I hate that feeling so much, and recognize it and know it well. For me, spring is a huge boost in my general sense of well-being and feeling capable. I hope some of these things relent soon. Remember all of the things you have done well and do every day with parenting, life living, and otherwise, and believe me when I tell you you can do it because you have done it before. Hang in!

Alice said...

ha. i just wrote a very similarly themed post except with less eloquence and probably also less true reason for complaining. EXCEPT I AM COMPLAINY IT IS A FACT SORRY UNIVERSE.

Magic27 said...

Oh Swistle, I truly feel for you and think I might have to write a similar list for myself on my own blog (I don't want to bore you or anyone else with all my woes).
And you know what the worst part is? I live in France and YOU CAN'T GET CADBURY EGGS here (good job my dad's coming from the UK soon - I told him to not bother with clothes, just to bring Creme Eggs. For some reason, he thought I was joking...).
*le sigh*
Courage, chère Swistle, courage, this too shall pass...

Bibliomama said...

Oh gee, is that all?

Good lord, if anybody's bought their way into some eff-the-world time... I can pretty much guarantee no one could parent five kids any better than you are, and many many many would do it much worse. And that no-carb book you read has been causing me stress too, and I haven't even read it yet.

Livinia Redlips said...

Have you tried the m&m peanut butter eggs?

I suggest getting some of those to go along with the Cadbury Eggs!

Mrs. Irritation said...

Your list has me quivering. Sometimes life is just so hard. Why was I in such a hurry to be a grown up again?

Hugs and a nice cold adult beverage to you!

Swistle said...

Bibliomama- Is your stress about not eating carbs getting channeled into "eating carbs," as mine is? After Stimey's comment, I had to go buy some ORANGE Cadbury Creme Eggs, TOO.

Lise said...

I'm so glad you ordered "Minding Frankie." It's sad in parts, but sweet. After finishing a Maeve Bienchy novel I always feel luxuriously relaxed. . . as if I've taken a long nap on a sunny, lazy, peaceful Sunday.

About the snip. . . don't discount the amount of stress and grief that can bring. It's not just Paul's fertility that ended - it's yours (assuming you are not dallying with a hot young lover on the side.) And for some women, the end of fertility is emotionally synonymous with the end of youth. It can be a very difficult thing to go though. I struggled with it, and I absolutely did not want another child and forced my then-husband into getting the snip.

Anonymous said...

Low-carb diets are not healthy, and diets are not healthy. The book Intuitive Eating will change how you look at everything related to food and diets. This is a wonderful book.

www.intuitiveeating.org

Have you thought about getting some help for the social anxiety issues? The anxiety around phone calls and social interactions sounds like it's really causing you pain. You're not just shy-- you're really suffering.

Good for you for making the appointment tomorrow. That was a big deal, and shows you really are courageous. If you could bring it up tomorrow, that would save you from making another appointment, though it might feel like too much to deal with whatever is bringing you in, and something else, too.

Swistle said...

Anon- I've read a book about intuitive eating, and I greatly enjoyed it and thought it made a lot of sense, but sadly my own intuition doesn't seem to line up with the theory. I think the intuitive eating thing works for a certain sort of person, but not for ALL people---just as the low-carb book I read (which claims that some low-carb diets are unhealthy and others are not) claims to work for a certain sort of person but not for everyone.

You're right that it's more than shyness, and I've talked here before about my phone phobia and social anxiety and my (so far unsuccessful) attempts to find treatment for it. In fact, I'd say I'm about equal on success with diets and success with psych treatments at this point.

jird said...

You are AWESOME. Everytime my husband asks me why/if I am sad/cranky/depressed/drunk, I just say, "I'm not!" Making out a list like that would really help him see how much he does not have to deal with every day. Hang on to the good things, and thank you for helping me see that the less-good things are worth addressing.

Bibliomama said...

Yes -- yes it is.

Bethtastic said...

YAY for a new nephew!! Boo for the sad/crabby stuff.

I'm thinking Niestle and Swephew. I tried Nephstle and that just doesn't sound right to me. Too awkward.

Enjoy the eggs. Hope the child lock is on so your door can be fixed. Chubby cats are, and will always be, the best.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I'm totally going with y'all to your Seaside Home for Ladies with Nerve Trouble. Oh, yes, I am.

Hope your list was as therapeutic to write as it was to read. There is immense power in sister-hood (or vicarious angst. Either or.)

Kelsey said...

This is like my Pollyanna post!

Harper gets like that sometimes (like Elizabeth, do you ever forget they are the same age? I do, for some reason.) and I'm all, "Great, can't wait to know you when you are premenstrual!"

I hope things get better. I've been feeling the funk lately too and I'm pulling hard for a change of seasons/ we all just need some sunshine and Easter candy explanation.

Dani said...

Dear Swistle:

I love you. I think you are brilliant and I WISH we could be real life friends. Thanks for the totally honest post. Chin up!

The End

Love, Your Friend In Spirit

Anonymous said...

If Intuitive Eating isn't for you, then it's not.

I don't see this in terms of success or failure. I don't assume that everybody has mental health benefits, and sometimes treatment beyond what a family doctor can provide is necessary. I thought it was worth a mention, because I think it causes you real pain, and must be hard for your family to be involved with, as well. I'm so sorry. I could go on a rant here about our health care system, but I'll just send good wishes for tomorrow. I certainly don't see you as a failure, but as someone who perseveres and tries to look on the bright side.

Lara said...

I'm so sorry you are having a cruddy week. I have days, weeks (months?) like this too - where EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG (I guess we all do).

I just thought I'd drop by and say I hope things look up soon and I think you are awesome.

Becky said...

Rawr. I tried to leave a comment, but the internet hates me.
I am sorry you are dealing with all this stress. I have some too, involving having to find a new part-time daycare person (for the 3rd time and my son is only 13 months old!). It's easier this time because he's older, but harder because we only need someone Thursday/Friday.

I hate the phone calls, and keep wondering why none of these people have websites or open facebook pages where I could send a message that they could answer at their leisure. Also, searching for our 3rd daycare person makes me wonder if I'm just a bad judge of character, or what.

I hope the Cadbury eggs help you feel better. We had Thin Mints, and they helped me get through the phone calls I had to make.

Good luck.

The Wonder Worrier said...

It's so nice to have a space to get all of this out, isn't it?!

I agree with others -- this time of year always seems particularly crummy!

I hope some good comes your way and things turn around. You rock, girly!! xo

(My word verification is "grierstr" which is super close to being "Greer-ster" would would be, my last name with like, 'cool, friendly nickname sound' added to it -- "Hey Greerster!".... I'm lame, but I thought that was kind of funny/coincidental... lol)(Maybe this inane chatter will keep your mind off some of your troubles... LOL).

bluedaisy said...

Why do boys ask such stupid questions...LOL! Sometimes, the list really is too long. But I like that you included your bright side list :)

Sam said...

My current solution to the "I can't stand any of the menfolk in my house OMG" is that I'm seriously considering going to my MIL's house for a visit. Without Chicken or my husband, because otherwise I may lose my shit over the numerous things that they are doing with the sole intent to make me crazy(er).

Swistle said...

Kelsey- YES, I do too for some reason! Every so often I'm reminded of it, and then it's a fresh surprise each time!

St said...

Ick, I'm sorry you've got the funk. I am especially empathetic about your doctor situation.
My mom used to make that pepperocini roast and it was the shizznit. I'm gonna have to pick up some peppers. Of course, my family won't eat it which is bad (gotta fix them something else and hear them complain about the smell) and good (I get to eat it ALL!)

Claudia said...

Ahhhh. Reality bites sometimes. I can completely sympathize and empathize with you. I hope the rest of your week goes better.
Claudia @ http://faithfamilyhopeandlove.blogspot.com/

Lillowen said...

I only had one brother, and I was a classic screamer and/or door-slammer, so I agree with the poster who suggested it is probably pretty much par for the course for a little girl with four of them. In fact, I'm surprised she has time for anything else!

It does get better, though ... my brother and I were reminiscing the other day about the time he was chasing me through the house and I slammed a door in his face so hard it chipped a tooth. Twenty-five years later, we're now the best of friends ... so it's not exactly an immediate solution, but it's also been probably at least 15 years since I've slammed a door, so there has been improvement all around!

I hope your week gets less crappy/crabby in a hurry. :)

sooboo said...

I feel for you! That is a lot of stuff. The only suggestion I have is for your cat. I sadly have a cat who is very thin and frail probably from cancer. The vet put him on steroids which helps him eat more. In the end it's a losing battle but it makes him more comfortable for now and I get to feel like I'm doing something to help him.

Joanna said...

The best (worst) example I've ever seen of that Hollywood Fat portrayal was on Friends. When they did flashback episodes, and particularly one "alternate universe" episode, in which Monica was fat, the writers made it not only a PERSONALITY TRAIT, but her ONLY ONE. What?!?!?!?!? Every joke she made and every joke related to her was about eating a Snickers bar or trying to be sexy but failing due to how fat she was. It still rankles me (obviously), not only because it's mean and stereotypical but also because it's such lazy writing. People who are overweight have no interests but eating? ARGGGGHHHH.

In other words, I too would have been totally bugged by that book.

Swistle said...

Joanna- Oh I HATE all the episodes with Fat Monica! She just constantly shoves food into her mouth while everyone else makes fun of her. It's appalling.

CARRIE said...

I am usually a list lover---making lists of what needs to be done, feeling accomplished when I can check things off. However, after reading your list, I have decided that making a list of what is bothering me might not be the best thing to do....because that might be an endless list. And seeing it all there, on paper, in a ginormous list would only make me feel worse about all the stuff that was bothering me.
Here's a virtual hug.
I like that saying, "Life is hard on everybody."

Val said...

"Because every single area of my life has something either sad or crabby happening. That's why." Yeah. I make these lists too.