January 24, 2011

Remember the Grapefruit Diet? That One Was Fun.

Some of these trendy diets, I'd like to try them just AS trendy diets, without having to pick through (or WADE through AMIRITE) all the "No one has known anything at all about nutrition until THIS EXACT MOMENT IN TIME!! Everything you heard before was LIES and IGNORANCE!! Finally the diet secrets of the universe have been UNLOCKED!! Previous so-called unlockings of diet secrets now reveal themselves to have been the prattling of infants!! THIS one 100% makes sense, unlike the others which were stupid and made crazy assumptions and eliminated or glorified foods by the method of a diet-book author rolling a fistful of dice!! Just because we've done a total 180 on all these foods again and again doesn't mean you should question whether we'll do so again in the future because we NEVER WILL!!"---just to get to the RULES.

I think what I want is dieting Cliffs Notes---like, "HO-kay, people, you know how this goes: yadda-yadda-now-we-know-everything, here's the fun story behind it, and here are the allowed and non-allowed foods this time. Now let's get out there and HAVE FUN!," without the "Prostrate yourself at this dieting temple!! Then rise, and go out, and spread the One True Word to everyone you know!! And stop calling us a trendy diet, dammit!!"


[Edit: I've found what I'm looking for: I can look up the diets on Wikipedia! I get the story and the rules, PLUS I get the arguments for and against. More information, less hype and zealotry. Beauty.]

16 comments:

Tess said...

Heh. Hehehehe.

Cabbage soup! That one's got to be on there.

d e v a n said...

Gotta love Wikipedia.

Nowheymama said...

Hee!

Ooh--what about the hard-boiled egg one, where it takes more calories to consume than are in it?

Nik-Nak said...

My all time most hated diet? The no carb. Who is the heck cuts out carbs?? Bread! Pasta! C'mon people that's just nuts!!

Amanda said...

It's the zealots that drive me nuts, the ones who read some book and lost a little weight and suddenly they are nutrition experts and you, of course, are a complete moron and if you are overweight or have a health condition, it is because you are eating all the wrong foods and are too lazy to exercise and this means YOU WILL DIE OF HORRIBLE HEALTH CONDITIONS, maybe not right now, but as you get older after you've lived your decadent lifestyle for 30 or 40 more years while they will just die of regular health problems, like old age. It does not good to point out that genetics play a large part in it or that they can't prove any of this because by the time there is enough research to show whether it works you both will be too old to change anything and besides next year there will be a new movement telling everyone to do something totally different, because that just triggers the condescending "if you cared about your body, your health, YOUR FAMILY at all instead of being selfish and lazy and STUPID, you'd learn how to be healthy before it's too late" response.

And then my head explodes.

See what those fad diets do? They make people's head explode. So much for "healthy."

Sabrina said...

Wikipedia is seriously the most amazing collection of information ever. Its creator is a genius. Pure genius. Who would have ever believed it could work, to allow anyone in the entire world to share any knowledge they have about anything at all? But this is such a perfect example (diets!) of what makes it so incredibly informative. The lovers and the haters both get to contribute to all articles. And they have to get along, otherwise they will just keep deleting or vandalizing each others' work, over and over, and then neither of their stories will get out. So they tend to respect each other.

Slim said...

I like that diet from the time where everyone's bodies were exactly the same and everyone had the same preferences and no one was ever sick. PLUS no one ever talked about diet or exercise. They just knew what to do and did it without droning on or berating others.

Can't remember the details, but that one. That's the one I'm going to follow. I am hoping certain people IRL join in, at least on the shutting up part.

lifeofadoctorswife said...

Do not try the chocolate milk diet. It is... painful.

P.S. I think reading the sales copy is part of the fun. But I know I'm in the minority there.

Misty said...

Oh, Wikipedia. How I love thee.

Magic27 said...

I'm often (especially at night, alone in front of the TV or computer) a big fan of the seafood diet - as in, I SEE FOOD and then I EAT IT.
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nicole said...

The Atkins diet. Yes, you can eat solely steak and cheese with no aftereffects. Just don't eat any damn potatoes.

Kelsey said...

Any of those trendy diets would just be a path to insanity for me. I don't want to have to think so hard to ear, you know?

Kali said...

Love Wikipedia? You can donate to it. Every little bit helps and makes sure it keeps on supplying us with info we want.

Jut sayin'...

Hotch Potchery said...

I wish there was a simple diet. That damn pesky calories in<calories out is too hard.

Swistle said...

Kali- We do!

Mom again said...

The grapefruit diet is an old one that comes back around regularly. My grandmother was so certain that grapefruit made you lose weight that she wouldn't let my dad eat them. He was a skinny kid and she was certain that if he ate grapefruit he would lose weight and die. So he used to steal them off neighbors trees and eat them hiding behind sheds and garages.