September 30, 2010

Bumper Stickers

Bumper stickers have been...well, I was going to say "bugging me," but let's call a spade a spade and say they've been PISSING ME OFF. As in, I've been having long, one-sided, sometimes not entirely silent-in-my-head discussions with the imagined owners of said bumper stickers.

The first one that bothered me I saw in two forms within the same week. One was an old peeling "IMPEACH BUSH" sticker, and the other was a new "IMPEACH OBAMA" sticker. I realize a bumper sticker lacks room for detail, but could there be room at least for a "for" and a verb? Does everyone realize we don't get to impeach a president for "not being what we wanted"? There needs to be an actual, legitimate, legally-justified REASON.

The second one I saw in just one format, but both formats (and I'm sure both formats exist) bug me:


THINKING WOMEN
VOTE REPUBLICAN


It would be just as piss-me-offy if it were "THINKING WOMEN VOTE DEMOCRAT". I don't think I would qualify any woman as a "thinker" if she thought all women should vote unthinkingly exclusively for one party, nor if she thought women should feel pressured by a bumper sticker.

The third one was not actually a bumper sticker but to me goes into a similar category. There were a bunch of political signs up along the side of the road, and one entire batch of signs just said "NOT!" with an arrow, each one put up to point to one particular candidate's signs. That seems really icky. It still seemed icky after I looked up the candidate and realized I would vote against her myself: it isn't about feelings toward a candidate, it's about poor sportsmanship and mudslinging and spending a lot of time and effort to be jerks.

I'll end, though, with a bumper sticker I saw today that put me in a better mood:

GOD BLESS EVERYONE
NO EXCEPTIONS


Or there's mine:


(Screen shot from Zazzle.com.)

32 comments:

Misty said...

I like that. No Exceptions.

Elizabeth said...

One of the ways I first knew I loved my future husband was when he told me he'd always loved a bumper sticker on a car on our street that said "Uppity Women Unite".

Spacebooke said...

Why would a person want that sort of negative energy stickered on their car, to look at every single day....... ugh.

Shelly Overlook said...

Bumper stickers nearly always piss me off. Esp the hate ones. I don't get how someone can have such venom in their heart as to permanently affix a sticker declaring the president to be wrong/evil/satan, etc. Really? You have no other productive means of expressing your displeasure?

I tweeted this yesterday when I saw a bumper sticker on a car being driven by a teen girl. It said:

I'm only speeding cuz I have to poop.


At first I thought it was funny b/c I think that everyone has had a moment where they had to hurry home for that reason. Then the longer I thought about it, the more I disliked thinking about anyone pooping. I mean, yes I know everyone poops but I'm afraid that falls into TMI.

Jana said...

I wish I knew where to get the "God Bless Everyone, No Exceptions" bumper sticker. I usually can't stand them, but I think I'd like to have that one on my car. Well, that one or the one I saw a while back that said, "Too bad people with closed minds don't have closed mouths."

Beth said...

My favorite, ever:
"Jesus is coming. Look busy."

Jen said...

I generally disagree with bumper stickers. There's no context and it's like someone is yelling at you, you know, because it is a one-sided conversation. Although there have been a fair number of them that have made me laugh but generally I am just groaning at them.

Julie said...

I *puffyheart* "God Bless Everyone No Exceptions. It's my favorite.

Jess said...

God bless EVERYONE? Really? God bless Hitler? God bless Saddam? God bless war criminals? God bless rapists? God bless murderers? God bless bigots?

God bless all of you who can get behind that statement. You are better people than I am.

Pickles and Dimes said...

Bumper stickers bug me, too. I saw one yesterday that said, "Don't assume I agree with your prejudices" and then they had a bunch of other bumper stickers with sentiments I didn't agree with, so then the first bumper sticker pissed me off EVEN MORE.

I also sometimes wonder if the person driving the car is actually the person who put the stickers on the car, because if not, that would totally suck.

Melospiza said...

In high school I splurged one day and bought about five in-your-face provocative political bumper stickers. I rushed home to stick them all over the car I drove, which my mom reminded my was not mine and actually, no, I couldn't put the unsolicited political advice all over it. So I put them on my violin case instead (nerrrrrd). After a few days of lugging my policitized, ranty violin case around, I soon became expert in carrying it with the sticker side in or with my coat draped artfully over the noise. It's WEARYING to have to wear the same shouting slogans day in and day out, I learned.

That pretty much cured me of bumper stickers forever, and also a certain sort of knee-jerk automatic response on certain issues.

Anonymous said...

Hm, just saw this: "I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made".

On a minivan.

??

Swistle said...

Aw, Jess. It's okay.

nicole said...

I do like the no exceptions one.

My husband had a sticker made for our van (a 15-passenger, purchased while expecting our sixth kid): "The bigger the van, the bigger the man, if you know what I'm sayin'." I am still not entirely sure how I feel about having it on my car, but it makes me laugh most of the time and a sense of humor is essential to my life.

the new girl said...

This reminds me of a funny story my mother used to tell about a bumper sticker she saw that said:

Jesus Loves You and So Do I

She saw it on a car whose occupant was leaning into another driver's car, finger in his face, berating him at the top of her lungs for having just rear-ended her.

Anonymous said...

I live near DC so there are always people protesting something. That's their right, god bless em. So driving and this guy is trying to flag people down and has 4 signs that are HUGE that say, "SAVE NASA, IMPEACH OBAMA!" I was mouthing to myself, wth. Having no explanation made it worse, and then him freaking out drivers got me annoyed.

I like the GOD BLESS EVERYONE NO EXCEPTIONS.

There hasn't been enough of that said lately.

Siera said...

I think their tacky period, but appreciate the ones that make me laugh. I liked one so much the other week I took a pic of it with my cell and put is up for Wordless Wednesday. It said

If Your Going to Ride my Ass
Can you at least pull my hair.

Jess said...

The ones that piss me off are the ones that ask questions that are supposed to be rhetorical but that I would dearly love to answer, with reasonable examples. Like the one I've seen several times now that says something along the lines of "So, how's that change thing working out for you?" I want to MAKE the person pull over and get in their attempted sarcastic little face and spell out point for point EXACTLY how that change thing is working out for me compared to how it was before. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I like your bumper sticker the best--it applies to so many situations!

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that I still can't decide what to think/feel about. It said "Who would Jesus bomb?"

What do you think?

Swistle said...

Anon- I saw one today I can't decide how to feel about. It said "Are you following JESUS this closely?"

Because on the one hand, "AH HA HA HA HA HA!! BET NOT!!" and on the other hand...

Hotch Potchery said...

I live in a town of "XX has a honor roll student"

Yeah, of course you do. We all do. We live in a f'ing sticker town. They sell the stickers...you don't have to qualify.

Where can I buy the pinehole one?

Jenny said...

Swistle: actually I always keep a respectful following distance, is that appropriate with Jesus? :)

Bratling said...

Re: The honors student one...

I once saw a sticker that said, "My kid can beat up your honors student!"

I hate most political and most religious bumper stickers. However there are a few exceptions like, "Will the last American leaving Miami please pull down the flag?" Frankly, you could substitute almost any city name these days. I have no issues with legal immigrants, it's the illegals I'd like to have booted out!

Mostly, I'm for the funny ones. My dad was in an electric wheelchair for years, and he had one stuck on his wheelchair that said, "When I grow up, I want to be a Kenworth." The van we used to transport him still bears the sticker, "Park elsewhere. Stupidity is not a handicap."

I used to collect funny ones. I just lost my collection in last year's flood. 'Fraid I don't remember what most of 'em said anymore.

GratefulTwinMom said...

Don't be a pinehole. No exceptions. No my favorite bumper sticker ever was:

Honk if your stupid!

I kid you not. Your stupid what? hahahahahahahah

Swistle said...

Hotch Potchery- If you click the Zazzle link underneath it, it'll take you to it.

Jenny- I'll bet Jesus would want us to follow the 2-second rule!

sara said...

It's rare for me to see a bumper sticker that doesn't make me roll my eyes.

denese said...

FINALLY a most appropriate forum for this vignette from my silly life: I once saw a bumper sticker that said "Responsible adults leave only one heir" with a little silhouette of two adults and one kid. Usually I resort to logic in sticky situations like that but I've never wanted to hurt someone so badly...assuming anyone who chooses to have more than one child is irresponsible? That's first-class fuckery right there. I'm getting mad again just thinking about it. Thanks for letting me share.

Sam said...

Oh my, I can get behind this conversation for multiple reasons.

First: my car was 20ish thousand dollars, new. And I'm going to put a fucking sticker on it? Like I'm in 5th grade and putting Lisa Frank stickers on my notebook? REALLY?!

Second: I live in an area where Not Of This World (NOTW)stickers are EVERYWHERE. Including many, many stickers that take up the whole back window of a car. Not coincidentally, this is the same area that voted overwhelmingly against gay marriage.

Third: I live in an area where people put stickers on their cars with a loved ones name, birth date, date of death, and a saying. Lots of people do this, and I'm pretty sure that the dead person in question thinks that their family members are tools. You don't celebrate a person's life/death with a fucking sticker, people.

/rant

Sorry for the cussing. I got worked up a little.

Swistle said...

Oh, Denese. I am hitting the ceiling of my car, and I AM NOT EVEN IN MY CAR.

d e v a n said...

My one and only bumper sticker says "CAUTION: Driver under influence of children"

I hate those "thinking women" ones. ug

Alias Mother said...

I don't mind bumper stickers as they can liven up the commute, but for me it's like tattoos: I've never felt strongly enough about any one design to get one.

My favorite ever was: "Some days the dragon wins." Which is either funny or poignantly sad, depending on how your day is going.

Emily R said...

Bit of a stretch, but maybe it should be read: "I'm thinking women vote republican, generally"
Nope, too big a stretch.
I saw the following Jesus this closely one the other day. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or just be puzzled/irritated at their self-righteousness. Because CLEARLY that means they ARE following Jesus super close?