When I drink, I get cheery and productive. This leads to pleasant surprises in the morning. "What is my brownie pan doing on the stove? Did Paul 'unload the dishrack'? OH! There are BROWNIES in it!" "OMG, did Paul actually SCRUB THE TOILET??? ....Oh, wait! That was ME!" "Shoot, we don't have any muffins. OH WAIT WE DO!!" "Wow, CLEAN SHEETS!!" "Wow, CLEAN LITTER BOX!" "Hey, what's all this neatly folded laundry??" I am a homemaker's elf!
Now you all totally want to invite me over and ply me with liquor, don't you? Sadly, this productivity works only in my own house: I have to be able to do the work on auto-pilot. At other people's houses, I get progressively more useless, eventually unable to figure out how to get more ice without dropping it so it skitters under the fridge.
Two little vents:
1. In the last two days, I have been cut off FOUR TIMES by someone turning in front of me so close I had to put the brakes on HARD to avoid hitting them. The first three times it was close enough that I couldn't even honk, because I was concentrating too hard on AVOIDING FIERY DEATHS---not only ours, but of the idient (that's how Henry says "idiot," usually right before he bites the toy he's angry at) who turned right in front of us. Yesterday, though, I had time to brake AND honk, and I may have overdone the honk a bit. It wasn't "Honk, hi, you probably didn't see me here! Maybe be more careful next time, 'kay?," it was "HONNNNNNNNNNK, YOU IDIENNNNNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!" I think I put all four honkportunities into one.
2. Not TOO often, but periodically, I get a Postcrossing card that is NOT A POSTCARD. A notecard, for example, or an index card. I wish for a button that would let me register that I'd received the postcard but that it was NOT A POSTCARD: I don't want to just not register it, since they DID send me something, but isn't this like sending a stamp collector a sheet of stickers? Grr. No big deal in the universal scheme of things, but still kind of ANNOYING.
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...