May 16, 2010

Drinking Game For Parents

Take one shot each time:
  • a child tantrums
  • a drink is spilled
  • anyone barfs
  • anyone poops
  • anyone uses their pants instead of the potty
  • there's a blow-out diaper
  • someone else's pee gets on you
  • someone's clothes need to be changed between morning dressing and nighttime
  • (additional shot for any of these done in the car)
  • a child wears a white shirt on spaghetti/pizza night
  • a child needs attention between Child Bedtime and Parent Bedtime
  • a child needs a costume for a school project
  • a child breaks something special to you
  • a child tells a joke
  • a child relates the plot of a TV show
  • a child asks an embarrassing question in public
  • a child makes an embarrassing remark in public
  • you have to unclog a toilet you didn't clog
  • a toilet overflows
  • a show/movie you hate is playing for more than the 100th time (1 shot per time over 100)
  • Disney releases a new movie
  • a baby is up more than 3 times in the night, or for more than 1 hour
  • an older child is up more than once in the night
  • any child awakens for the day before 5:00 a.m.
  • someone eats something disgusting
  • bad-tasting medicine must be forced into a resistant child
  • there is spit-up on your shirt
  • there is a moldy sippy cup under the couch
  • a school project needs significant parental assistance
  • you have to attend a school presentation
  • you have to attend a parent-teacher conference
  • you get a call from the principal
  • you get a note from the teacher
  • you get a school fundraising form
  • you put a lot of effort into dinner and someone won't eat it (one shot per someone)
  • you have to track down an unpleasant smell
  • you have to launder barf-covered clothing
  • you get bitten
  • bodily fluids land on upholstered furniture
  • anyone says to you, "You think this is bad, just wait until..."
  • anyone says to you, "Enjoy every moment!"

Please do not actually play this drinking game. Remember: alcohol poisoning KILLS.


Shelly Overlook said...

I would so be an alcoholic. & this doesn't even cover the Spouse Edition of the same game.

Jana said...

Love it!

Fran said...

Yeah, I would pretty much be drunk all the time!!

Kate's Crazy Life said...

Oh my....I would SO win at that game.

Kristin C said...

I was actually thinking the same thing about alcohol poisoning! Hilarious! :)

Jen said...

This cracks me up. I'm not going to be trying it anytime soon. I think I would be passed out after the first five.

Elsha said...

Today was the perfect day for this. I would have been passed out just with item "anyone uses their pants instead of the potty." Or around here, pants or floor instead of the potty. Good thing I don't drink or I might become an alcoholic over this game!

Lippy said...

There would be a shortage of booze if we were to all play this game. I almost peed myself. Hey, that's missing! Every time you sneeze and pee yourself you drink.

Kira said...

And one shot for everytime you say "Where is your OTHER shoe?"
One for "What did you do with your baby sister's shoes?"
One for "Dammit, now where is MY other shoe?"
This is pretty much how I live my life, actually - except sub "chocolate" for "shot."

js said...

I LOVE this. However, I'd be drunk by 9am with just the FIRST "point" listed. And my daughter is 9. That's just all kinds of wrong.

Lindsay said...

Hilarious. What would spouse edition look like?

d e v a n said...

Jesus. I would have finished the giant bottle of tequila in my cabinet before noon today.

Kristi said...

I'm really going to have to disagree with this Swistle! Shame on you! An overflowing toilet is worth FAR MORE than just 1 shot!!!!

Too funny.

C (Kid Things) said...

I'm pretty sure I'd be dead of alcohol poisoning by noon.

Trina said...

Love this post.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I do this already, just with dark chocolate.

Cheryl888 said...

LMAO this is classic and yes I agree I'd be drunk before breakfast was even over!

bramey said...

How about a shot for every time your toddler climbs into your bed at night?

Never mind, I'm pregnant and can't drink, anyway. JUST WHEN I COULD REALLY USE ONE, TOO!

Becky said...

I earned five shots just yesterday alone! (I replaced "shots" with "bottles of wine" though. I hope you don't mind that I changed the rules...)

Tess said...

This is outstanding.

Saly said...

Love this. Sadly, if followed, I would be drunk by 7AM daily.

StephLove said...

I found a sippy full of milk today that's been in the diaper bag since Saturday. That must be worth a shot.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I really , really resented hearing the "Enjoy every moment" comments. Seriously? Want to make me feel even more guilty about my mothering?!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

This would be a dangerous game to play ;)

Thia said...

Considering the fact that I just sprinkled a fresh layer of baking soda on the carpet from last evening's barf episode, I really needed the laugh this morning. Furthermore, I think a shot should be added for every time a child wrecks something you were saving for yourself for a quiet moment.

Nicole said...

*passed out*

Oops, I wasn't really supposed to play?

Sarah said...

Can we add "Anytime you have to repeat the phrase 'Get your hands off each other if you can't touch gently' more than five times in twenty minutes?" And an extra shot if you have to say it in PUBLIC five times in twenty minutes?

Anonymous said...

I think you were just getting warmed up; the last six were hilarious!

Anonymous said...

At my house, it'd be:

1. a child doesn't do what you tell them to.
2. a child gets hysterical about the consequences (time-out, lost choice, etc.) for not doing what you told them to.
3. a child gets hysterical that you won't comfort them because they're hysterical about the consequences for not doing what you told them to.

Sorry, I'm not "mean" for not giving you hugs and kisses because you feel bad that I took away the toy after you wouldn't listen to me when I told you to stop teasing your brother. Sigh.

cakeburnette said...

BRILLIANT!! But I need to post a Spouse Edition of the game, too! :D

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Good disclaimer, seriously, we'd all be wasted.

bunnyslippers said...

Spouse edition please!

Daycare Girl said...

I so needed this today. And yes, I'd be absolutely toasted right now. It's been crazy!

Melospiza said...


I esp loved the "child tells a joke" and "child relates the plot of a TV show." I mean, OMG, how can the reTELLING last longer than the ORIGINAL FUCKING EPISODE?

Serial Mommy said...

With 5 kids and 3 in diapers, I go through about 1/2 this list every day. I love the warning at the end about alcohol poisoning. I agree that that is what would happen!

undercurrent said...

Ok. I tryd this gam e. I can't feell my fingurs and my werrds look like theyure coming out backword s. (hiccup) Wut wuzit you sed abowt owcohole poy sening?

Crap. My tung feellllls soooo fuuurry.

Oh, the way, my chilwrens looked so pritty tooday.

Good game.

Ms. Molly said...

Love it!

Kelsey said...

I got a little drunk just thinking about playing this game.

nonsoccermom said...

If I had played this game tonight using the phrase "SETTLE DOWN!" I would SO be in the hospital right now. GAH.

Kim said...

This is hysterical! Love it!

Magpie said...

yeah, that could be dangerous.

Momma Goose said...

Haha--love it!

And yes: what is up with the "if you think this is bad, wait until..." comment? Next time someone says this to me, I am running home to write a sarcastic post with the same venom that I reserve for people who don't wash their hands before touching babies.

Ominous Future Forecasters should consider themselves warned!!

Momma Goose said...

Haha--love it!

And yes: what is up with the "if you think this is bad, wait until..." comment? Next time someone says this to me, I am running home to write a sarcastic post with the same venom that I reserve for people who don't wash their hands before touching babies.

Ominous Future Forecasters should consider themselves warned!!

theprincessofquitealot2 said...

I am in love with you. BEST POST EVAH!

parkingathome said...

Oh lord. You'll kill us all with this game. Can we have a latte each time instead?