I'm not sure how long I've been reading Kim at Laments & Observations, but I remember when she posted that her stepdad-in-law had given them $10,000 for a last-ditch attempt at having a baby, and that was in January of 2009 so it's been at least a year. There were several parts of that post that got to me: her saying that she wanted one of those baby things about as much as she wanted to keep breathing, and her talking about how the stepdad-in-law was too cheap to buy eggs for a batch of cookies but had asked if he could help them pay for fertility treatments.
Re-reading the post, I get kind of teary about it again. And especially because it's a year later, and we know what we didn't know then, which is that the fertility treatments wouldn't end up working.
The next step is adoption. More than half a year has gone by, and I started wondering if Kim's personality is similar to mine on things like this: I face something unfamiliar and I freeze up. Part of it is fear of not knowing what to expect, and part of it is fear of what might go wrong, and part of it is fear of going through all that and still not getting what I hope for, and part of it is a reluctance to start doing all the boring/difficult crap that needs to be done, and part of it is just FREEZING UP and who knows why. Obviously the right way to get started is to GET STARTED: if I don't know what to do, I need to FIND OUT; and if crap needs to be done, best get it over with. And yet do I? No. I'm frozen.
What works for me is fret-blogging to access our collective knowledge. I might not be able to face making plans for a trip, but I can put all my frets about it into a post. And then one person says, "I don't know about the hotel, but I can tell you that taxis are a flat-rate $50 from the airport." And someone else says, "I don't know about taxis, but I can tell you that what I did about a room was book one myself and then then I found a roommate she sent me a check for half." And all these bits of information come together until I have enough basic and specific knowledge to unfreeze and start to take action. Plus I feel motivated to do something so I can give updates: it feels as if other people are invested.
So I emailed Kim and asked if she was like this and she said yes, and I said can I help by posting about it and she said yes. I would really like Kim to have a child, and I feel the urge to help, and I have a feeling that "wanting a child" is a common enough feeling that a lot of us can empathize---and can turn that empathy into assistance.
Mostly what's needed here is ANY TIDBIT YOU HAVE. Do you have information about adoption? Did you adopt? Are you trying to adopt? Did someone you know adopt or are they trying to adopt? Have you HEARD stuff or READ stuff about adoption? Do you happen to know the FIRST STEP, because I think that is the hardest part.
What can someone expect from a home inspection---is it really awful and invasive and humiliating and do you get docked points for dog hair? What other parts are there to the process? About how long does it take, and are there ways to speed it up?
How much does it cost? And how do people afford it if they don't have much money but would make such a good home for a child? And are there ways to reduce the costs?
How possible is it to get a newborn? How about a very young child, like say 18 months or under? What are the different kinds of adoption---like, there's the kind where you adopt a foster child from the state, right? and the kind where you adopt from a woman who calls an agency and says she wants to give her baby for adoption? and the kind where you adopt from another country? And is it all different answers/procedures for all those different kinds?
Adoption stuff varies so much by state, and Kim and her husband live in South Carolina so of course the MOST useful information would be from anyone who knows about South Carolina adoptions---but ALL information is useful to the unfreezing process. Don't feel awk about saying, "Er, I only know this one teensy detail I heard about Wyoming adoptions..."---OUT WITH IT! We want to know it all! Help!
Gift ideas for an 8-year-old, part 2 of 2 - Last week I talked about the gifts we were getting/considering for Edward, who is turning 8 next month. This week it’s Elizabeth’s turn: not “girl gifts,” ...