October 8, 2009

Report, Day 5

Marie asked if knowing I could blog each thing my MIL said made it easier to deal with. YES. In fact, it makes it like a GAME. She says something and I think, "Yay!" and I jot it down. If she goes too long without saying anything good, I start getting anxious: "I'll have nothing to tell them about! I'll have to say she's being fine and there's nothing to report!" It reminds me of the fun of blogging dieting/exercising/cleaning stuff: shared sorrow is doubled joy.

And so dawns Day 5. Ah, Day 5. Day 5 is when, if she were staying a week, I'd be thinking, "I THINK I can make it. Just two more days." The time she came for 2.5 weeks, I was thinking...well, I was thinking some dark, dark thoughts, and they involved shovels and moonlit fields and mysterious disappearances. For this visit, when there are 10 days but only if I count the arrival day, when she didn't arrive until after lunch, and the departure day, when she's leaving early in the morning---and I DO INDEED count those days, not with other houseguests but with her---I'm pretty sure I can make it but goshy-gee 7 days would be better.

Day 5 is, I think, the day she settles in. She's not feeling nervous or awkward anymore.


1. I bought Elizabeth two 2-packs of belts (on 75% off!) at Target, not because the child NEEDS four more belts but because I couldn't decide between the two 2-packs (and because they were 75% off!). My mother-in-law had several things to say on the topic of belts, in addition to saying every 10 minutes or so, "Swistle! [Child] needs those pants pulled up again!":

1a. I was saying the problem was that if I made Elizabeth's belt tight enough to keep the pants up, it would bisect her. MIL: "Yes, well, the day will come when we'll all be looking back and saying remember when Elizabeth had no hips?" Er, no. I don't think we WILL be doing that. And I think that anyone who DOES choose to say such a thing can say hello to that shovel I mentioned earlier.

1b. We were at a store and Elizabeth saw a belt she liked and asked if we could buy it. My MIL said to her, "I know a certain little girl who has puh-LENty of belts, considering she can only wear one at a time!"


2. My MIL wanted to go to Walmart to buy the kids their Christmas presents, to avoid shipping costs. (She takes stuff to one of those mailing stores. I don't think she realizes they charge A MILLION DOLLARS MORE than the already-expensive post office.) She suggested she get clothes, because "HEAVEN KNOWS they don't need any more TOYS."

3. Yesterday evening the topic of milk came up (no, I don't know how it came up---what am I, a court reporter?), and she said she just never could stand the taste of it, didn't like it as a child and didn't like it any better now. I said my mom didn't like it either, but that I did like it, and that I was hoping that would help me avoid the osteoporosis my mom's side of the family has had trouble with. My MIL: "Oh, I think that's more a problem with petite women, and I really don't think you qualify." Me: "...Uh...I... [*mind searching desperately for ANY response*] ...Well, both my grandma and my mom..." Mother-in-law, interrupting me to repeat herself: "I'm just saying, that's really only slightly-built women who have trouble with that, and I really don't think you qualify." Me: *picks up a notepad and pen and wrote it down*

3b. Have I mentioned before the way she will repeat her first point nearly verbatim, as if making a second point? Well, she does do that. She'll make her point, and if you argue with her, or if you make your own point, she'll repeat her own point JUST AS IF she is refuting your point or shoring up her own argument, but she is saying THE SAME THING. It is nearly impossible to continue the argument without following her lead and repeating your own point a second time.

86 comments:

JEN said...

Glad you are making it! I feel for ya! It sounds like my husband's Grandma. She is extremely argumentative and so is he. I'm hoping my daughter doesn't get that gene.

Anna said...

Yay for you for making it a game! Mine used to drive me CRAZY, in similar ways (always with the opinions! and the stupid ideas!) until I learned to just make fun of her in my head. But still, do they not know what they are saying?!?!?! Are they mean or just stupid? It kills me that I will never know!

Rah said...

You are such a patient woman. Some of us would be busy cleaning off that shovel from its recent activity.

If you feel like getting in her face, you can tell her that osteoporosis happens to women of all sizes and shapes, mostly after menopause, and no woman is completely exempt from the possibility (although it is true that some women are more at risk). How do you tolerate it?

Amanda said...

Oh dear god I don't know how you last 10 days.

You have just reminded me of my husband's grandmother who was famous for such questions as "have you gained weight?" and "are you going to do your hair?" Once my husband replied to the first question with "No. Have you?" and she gasped and told him he was rude. LOL. She is a plump old thing. We thought it was hysterical that she would ask anyone else if they've gained weight. I've also told her in response to some comment or another "that's really not nice" and she acted shocked. Perhaps they fool themselves into thinking they are doing us a favor by pointing any of our flaws (real or not).

Nowheymama said...

I... don't understand. It doesn't sound as if she EVER has any fun when she visits, so why does she visit for so long AND stay at your house?

(I don't know that I'm ready to contemplate the idea that giving her son's wife a hard time and criticizing her own grandchildren IS fun for her.)

AndreAnna said...

Sweetbabyjeebus, and this woman raised her OWN children? And they were okay enough for you to marry one?

Sincerely, Jenni said...

Um, and you comes to stay with you for what reason? Does she actually enjoy herself?

I guess you just have to keep remembering that people who criticize others usually have a low self-esteem.

Yeah, maybe that doesn't help at all.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I have no idea how you stand it. My MIL is insane, but your MIL is bat&^%$ crazy. If I were you, I'd have moved and left no forwarding address. Several times.

Shelly Overlook said...

I still cannot comprehend how your husband turned out normal.

Farrell said...

The petite comment would have gotten to me the most. UGH.

Guwi said...

Swistle, how are you not on a 10-day bender already? Seriously, I'd be drunk every day if I had to deal with that. (Then I'd be a surly drunk, yelling at my mother-in-law, "Oh YEAH?! Well you can just stick your stupid comments in your &^%*, dragonlady!"

I didn't say I would be particularly clever in that situation. Just surly. But at least it would deaden the pain.

Erica said...

My in-laws just spend 10 days with us and my biggest issue was them spoiling Maddie senseless. Wanting to buy and give her everything she wants. The belt story? In my house, Maddie would've left the store with 15 belts thanks to her grandmother.

Your MIL seems like the least loving person. So cold and holier than thou. I'm sorry for Paul having to grow up with that kind of mom.

If you need help buying any large objects let me know. I'm good with a shovel.

Erica said...

Dude. I meant "burying" and large objects.

crap.

Heather D. said...

Swistle, you are a freaking saint!
Maybe, in a cruel twist of irony, your MIL will find out she has osteoporosis after falling and breaking a hip.
I would not be able to restrain myself from saying something to her.

Pickles and Dimes said...

So osteoporosis affects only petite people? I thought it affected those with BONES. I'm gonna stop drinking all this milk now!

I'm wondering if she really thinks she's being helpful with all these comments or if she's just plain evil.

d e v a n said...

The slightly built thing would have undone me. And I am NOT even CLOSE to slightly built. Who says that!? UGh.

Shelly said...

Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies.
You have real friends.

I'm just sayin'...

Number 3 would have had me reaching for the shovel.

3carnations said...

"Don't qualify for petite". Does she not see how that could be the TINIEST bit offensive?

tracynicole22 said...

Oh my, I feel so sorry for you Swistle!! God Luck on the rest of the visit!

Kim said...

I thought of you as I took my Xanax last night. I don't know how that's helpful for you to know in the least, but wanted to tell you May the Force continue to Be With You, young Jedi.

Celeste said...

Tell her your doctor said that with your family GENETICS, it's either drink milk every day or be on ungodly expensive medication and you are just trying to save the family some money. She seems to have doctor worship so maybe this will work.

Failing that, I'd be working eggs into every dish just in case her new allergy is deadly.

Shoeaddict said...

My SIL is like this with the "comments" and the digs. When I said something to her, she told me I was just sensitive. I HATE that.

Becky said...

Commiserating:

We just had a baby less than two weeks ago, and my in-laws (who mercifully live two and a half hours away and had shown only compulsory interest in our lives for the previous 6 years of our relationship) have already been down twice to visit. Annoyances include:

1. bringing "family heirlooms" for the baby, including half a dozen nappy receiving blankets and a used cloth diaper, circa 1979

2. insisting they bring their @#$%! dog into our house, even though we have two cats and an infant, because the dog cannot be left alone, EVER

3. informing me that the reason Miriam had hiccups is because I fed her too fast SLASH didn't remember to burp her

4. gleefully exclaiming that Miriam gave her first smile to MIL, even though she was 8 days old at the time and entirely incapable

I don't know how you're managing 10 days in a row; a six-hour stretch is more than enough for us. I would start off my mornings with a little Irish in my coffee, FO SHO.

Bethtastic said...

You have the patience of Job.

Why is it that you don't retaliate? Because, well, I would. But I can only take so much before I LOSE. MY. TEMPER.

You're amazing.

Marie Green said...

Oh, my- she's one of those people that thinks if you don't AGREE with her, you must not UNDERSTAND what she's saying. That's why she repeats herself! BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING PLAIN ENGLISH. =)

You know how Erin at MOMommy does those awesome interviews? I think it would be so extremely SWEEEEEET if you or someone like Erin could interview you MIL. We could all just sit back and watch her walk herself into our greedy-for-MIL-anticdotes paws!

(Plus she would probably be SO flattered if someone was writing down EVERYTHING! SHE! SAID! Like, finally the world has come to their senses and is ready to hear the Great and Almighty Oz.)

Michelle said...

Good lord! I would have gotten the shovel out at #3. You are
a saint.

Laura said...

This post cracked me up! I especially love the hip comment on a child leading straight to the shovel. Dude - you have an extremely passive agreesive MIL. I feel for ya. But I am SOOO grateful you post about it, because that shit is HILARIOUS!

Laura said...

You know, after day 4's post, I actually was thinking that some of those things weren't completely annoying and that maybe you were being a little hard on her. BUT, I take that all back after looking at day 5's update. She would DRIVE.ME.CRAZY. It is probably very annoying for me to say, but I feel so much better about my MIL after seeing some of things yours says. Sorry.... only a couple more days :-).

pseudostoops said...

Oh god... the milk, the osteoporosis, the "I don't think you qualify..." I am positively GASPING with horrified laughter over her. Actual, physical gasping.

Cookie said...

Wow! I'm so sorry Swistle. Are you sure you have enough Vodka in the laundry room? She sounds just awful, and to her own grandchildren no less. My MIL ADORES her grandchildren. It's just me she has issues with. Same with my own mother (yet they don't like each other, go figure). I hope the next five days fly by for you.

Christy said...

Well, I think you've found a way to get through this. Just wait for the daily blog material to just roll in, keep your notepad and pencil nearby. It can be like a game. Whenever she says something, you can ask yourself, is this blogworthy? :) And, the whole milk conversation? Wow.

She Likes Purple said...

I do not like this woman!

Also, I'm going to start carrying a notebook with me everywhere I go so when people say rude/snarky things to me, I can immediately right them down. That's genius.

Whimsy said...

This woman is simply NOT ABLE to have friends, right? If she tells you that she DOES have friends, then she is LYING because anyone with that personality is looking down the barrel of a long and lonely life.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I think I am really starting to hate this woman! (I know hate is a strong word - especially for someone you've never met but I think it qualifies here!)

Saly said...

Ok, seriously, what is this woman's problem? Seriously.

Wouldn't it be kind of fun to get osteoporosis just to spite her? Ok, not really, but GOD! She is making steam come out of my ears!

Emily R said...

Thanks for these updates. Misery does love company.
Fortunately my FIL has disowned us, but my MIL, well, she means well. That's what I tell myself when she tells me I'm poisoning my fetus with chocolate milk.

Misty said...

*Gasp*

*Gulp*

Uhhhh...

#3 has left me speechless. I literally sputtered at my computer screen when I saw it.

Celeste said...

Seconding the people who want to know WHY she even wants to visit.

Allison said...

I just started reading you recently.
Why don't you stand up for yourself when she's being rude like that? Or do you? Just wondering, because I wouldn't be rude back, but I definitely would point out to her when she's being rude to me and that it's not ok.

2Forgetful said...

I think I'm going to print this out and tape it to my fridge. Then, any time I think "if only we lived in another state we wouldn't have to see MIL so much" I can look at this post and smack myself on the head. Because I have to say that 4 hours every 3-4 weeks is sooooo much better than 10 days straight. In the same house. 24/7. OMG.

Hang in there!

Jenni said...

wow, you must really, really love your husband. like really, really, really, really, really love him. because that broad is INSANE.

desperate housewife said...

I LURVE Marie Green's idea! There's nothing like mocking someone right to their face and their never knowing it. And then allowing TONS of people to join in the mockery later.
Geez, I sound like a Roman wanting more Christians to throw to the lions... Blood! We want blood!

Christina said...

I'd have walked away at comment #3, gotten on my computer, googled osteopororis, printed it out, and handed it to her. She is 100% wrong.

I have 700 4 letter words floating around in my head right now.

Why the hell doesn't she stay in a hotel??? And who is stupid enough to NOT realize that when you take your stuff to a shipping store it's more expensive??? They charge like $3.50 for a BOX!!

Anonymous said...

My mother was much like this, although she has some good qualities and I miss her (she died ten years ago). But she gave my boyfriend (now husband) a low-fat cookbook for his first Christmas with us, because she thought he was fat. She would totally have done the "tiny" thing. She did have friends who genuinely liked her, but she was difficult.

As to what Allison said, in my mom's case anyway, telling her she wasn't being polite would not have helped the situation. Her feelings would have been hurt, but her behavior wouldn't have changed, because she just profoundly didn't get that there was anything wrong with her behavior.

cherylc

Little-Bit said...

I laughed out loud and I'm sorry it was at your expense. But, gosh, what a hard woman to get along with! Hope Paul is saying something when he can, and hope your tongue is still intact by the time she is gone, and you haven't bitten it off. But, if you do, I hear that vodka is a great disinfectant.

Kathy said...

My stock response to BS comments like that is: "Wow. [long pause] That was rude." And then I refuse to engage in any further discussion on the topic. Like, leave the room immediately afterwards, and stuff.

This technique generally stops people in their tracks, gets them backpeddling and apologizing, and everything.

Plus, YOU don't actually say anything rude, so there's nothing that could be used against you later. Hee-hee!

Jamie said...

Oh girl. GUURRRRRLLLLLL. Oh NO SHE DID NOT SAY THAT ABOUT YOU.

I'm bringing my shovel to assist.

Kristi said...

Oh my gosh, she is DRIVING ME CRAZY! I can only imagine how you feel...

Swistle said...

Allison- I'm not sure what you mean. Do you have some examples? Like, what would you say to someone like her?

robin said...

Oh my gosh, my husband HATES it when people are stuck in argument style 3b. Especially since he has such a logical mind, and when making a point will say, a), b), c) as a refutation to X, and then the other side just says X again. It's infuriating! I don't know if it helps to know your MIL is far from the only one to do this.

Is it worth it to keep the peace? You could have just trotted out the medical issues regarding osteoporosis are related to BONE health, not to a person's size. And then you could have said, "Wait, were you calling me fat? Because that's not very nice." I wonder what her reaction would be...

Kira said...

Oh dear. You know what I think? I think that way too many American MILs are not being poked with sharp sticks. GOOD LORD.

Hang in there, and for what it's worth, I think you're TOTALLY at risk for osteoporosis.
Wait, that didn't come quite out right...

Maria said...

Man, I seriously don't know how you do it. I'd be telling her off on a continual basis. She'd hate me. I give you all the credit in the world for biting your tongue and letting your fingers type out your frustration instead!

Nikki said...

Hi Swistle,
I'm so sorry about the MIL situation. You truly do have my sympathy. However I am commenting because I must know more about these belts for Elizabeth. My little girl is about Elizabeth's age and shows more crack than your average 40 year old man with a gigantic beer belly. I've tried every pair of "adjustable waist" pants under the sun and it doesn’t help. She is just too thin. Even leggings and tights fall down! I've never really tried belts though because although she is potty trained her preschool has a rule that kids can't wear belts since they interfere with being using the bathroom without assistance. So, I have 3 BURNING questions: 1. Can Elizabeth use the belt herself when she needs to go potty? 2. Do they provide significant assistance keeping the pants up? (Your comments from MIL seem to indicate they may not work...) 3. If the answer to the first two questions is yes, what exact kind should I purchase?
I am really sorry for the novel, but I am desperate for help with this issue. Thanks!

Jewels said...

Ever wonder what's going to happen if she finds out about your blog?

I only ask because I had a horrible experience with that and I didn't think I had written anything I wouldn't have said to these people's face....

Jewels said...

FACES, that is. Not "these people's face." It's not a bunch of people with ONE GIANT FACE.

Cameron said...

What if when she said something rude (as in #3), you just waited a beat, and laughed it off? (Not a gut-busting laugh, but a bemused chuckle). And you could say something like, "Well, doctor's orders, I'm going to keep drinking my milk." Then an immediate subject change- "I'm going to go throw the laundry in the dryer." Or even, "I need to check something in the kitchen." Whatever it takes to cut the topic of conversation short, even if that requires you leave the room momentarily.

Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Heaven love you sister. I feel your pain and wish it to make me stronger in dealing with my own MIL.

J from Ireland said...

I swear you are amazing. She is certainly hard work. I have to say, this blog has me in stiches laughing these days, you are so funny. Thanks for lighting up my days. Although I do feel sorry for you. Only 5 more days to go!!

Sarah said...

OH MY LORD, Swistle! How rude! What does your hubby say about all this? I would start imposing time limits on her visits. We have some obnoxious relatives and we ask them to stay at a hotel, rather than at our house. Would that work with the MIL?

Jess said...

Okay, so I'm catching up on all my unread posts, flip, flip, flip, and I read day 3 about the milk. I'm sitting here in my chair thinking, gosh I need some Ibprofen because I'm cramping like a mother bear. (tmi? hmmm...sorry. but true.) So I read number three and gasp/snort so hard I think I just damaged my uterus permanantly. And though there is INTENSE pain, all I can hiss through my lips is, "Nnnoooooooo..." I'm bug eyed. But man, it does make for a good story. Beast!

Swistle said...

Nikki- The belts are useless. USELESS! She can't get them off or on, and after awhile it drives me nuts to have to keep doing it. And---AND!---they don't even keep the pants up! I'm about to switch her to overalls or something.

Swistle said...

Jewels- YEEEEEEEESSSSSS. What I do is, I leave the post up for awhile, then delete it. I realize nothing is ever Truly Deleted, but I'm guessing she's not computer-savvy enough to find deleted posts, considering she doesn't understand the reply-all function and believes email forwards about Mr. Rogers wearing cardigans to cover the tattoos he got to commemorate all his confirmed military kills.

Also, I do panic about it from time to time. I keep thinking of something Sundry said about how bloggers should assume the one person they don't want reading the blog IS IN FACT reading it. But...the mother-in-law venting is So! Satisfying!

Buster said...

I'm glad you made it into a game, but if for some reason that's not enough to make you feel a little better, there's this: your mother in law is so awful that she makes my mother in law look better. And I find myself oddly grateful for having her instead of yours.

Astarte said...

OMG. My blood is boiling just reading all of this. I think you should give her an egg-and-ketchup sandwich, and put a belt around her NECK.

Wendy said...

Oh, Swistle - now I know why you needed to restock the alcohol (and I'm a tee-totaller).

Really I came on to comment about your pumpkin chocolate chip muffins recipe. Since it only called for 1 cup of pumpkin and my can had 2, I doubled the recipe. It ended up making 24 muffins and one small loaf of bread. Today my middle son ate 1/2 a muffin. My youngest son ate 1. My husband ate 1 and I consumed 3-1/2! I'm afraid I can see where all these muffins are going to end up. But hey, thanks for the recipe. They are YUMMY. It is only my waist that doesn't thank you.

sooboo said...

I'm going to visit my lovely MIL tomorrow, so thanks for prepping me. She is pretty rude too. She used to go out of her way to introduce single women to my husband when we were living together, but not married, and still says things like, "oh, you have SO MUCH grey hair!" and "when you visited before, we thought maybe you looked pregnant!" My therapist tells me to say, "I don't like it when you talk to me like that." which usually starts an argument as to why she should be able to talk to me rudely. It works better when my husband says it to her. Good luck. I really feel for you. It's nice that you can make it funny (and it is hilarious) but I know it stings too. Sux.

Sue @ Laundry for Six said...

Oh, Swistle! I'm edgy for you. And I've got a shovel and will travel, in case you get there.

sooboo said...

Also, I wanted to share this:
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/10/01/the-faceoff-2/

Sam said...

Uh, whore? TOTAL WHORE SHE IS. I shall smite her with my mind.

PS You are an awesome reporter. *smite smite*

Steph the WonderWorrier said...

Oh goodness. This doesn't sound good. (Although at least it IS entertaining blog fodder! Glad you have us to vent to!).

Was she always that outspoken/rude according to your husband? Or is this because she's getting older? My grandma has been a lot more rude as she's gotten older... it's hard on my mom sometimes because it's also starting to get a little embarrassing out in public sometimes. Ai yi yi. (And this is my mom's MOM, not MIL).

Also: I remember that my best friend's grandmother (father's mom) used to treat her mom really badly too. She never liked my friend's mom because she felt she "stole her son away" (ugahghhh). My friend's mom is one of the most caring, wonderful people I've ever met, she had six children who have all become great successes, and she treated her husband incredibly well all these years... his mom really had no excuse for being that way, it was too bad.

Stacia said...

Haha, WOW. Your MIL is stone cold bugnuts CRAZY. She actually reminds me enough of my similarly insane mom that the part about Elizabeth not having hips triggered some serious revenge anger in me! LOL

Swistle said...

sooboo- YES. I haven't tried the sentence your therapist recommends (though that sentence has been recommended to me, too), because even the IDEA of saying it to her makes me LAUGH AND LAUGH. I don't know what she'd say, of course, but it would not be "Oh, honey, I am so sorry! I now see how rude and awful I've been to you! You have shown me the light!" I've had no luck with counter-measures: she INSTANTLY escalates, as if she's been HOPING I'd answer her back---and she's so illogical, there's no fighting her.

Swistle said...

Steph the WW- She's always been this way. She doesn't think she's being rude or mean: she prides herself on common sense, saying what she thinks, doing what's right, telling the truth, on "not just standing by and saying nothing," etc. She's also dated men who take advantage of her bossiness and controllingness (like, by using her as a caretaker), so I think she's gotten reinforced in her belief that she is not only fine but APPRECIATED.

Paul says that when he was younger he used to take advantage of it too. WHAT A SURPRISE.

the new girl said...

Oh, these are GEMS. If you delete them, you should KEEP them somewhere confidential...another place, perhaps.

They are LOVELY.

Mar said...

I just have to laugh at "qualifying" for a debilitating condition. Sorry, you don't make the cutoff. Better luck next time!

Heather said...

Oh crap on a cracker, your fingers must be ITCHING for that shovel!

My MIL has come out with such pearlers as "Oh! How will you find a maternity bra to fit you?!" when we told her I was pregnant (I'm big busted but NOT to that extent) & also voicing her concern that I may need medication for PPD because I "[didn't] want to go out". Oh, and where didn't I want to go to? Oh, that's right! A never before visited doggy park with my 2 dogs & my NEWBORN & my 2 week post caesar ouchiness complete with wound infection!

Another delightful little snippet came after one of my dear friends (whom I used to work with) visited me at home to see the baby. After he left she said (he happens to be gay), "Well, he's an odd little queer isn't he? I wonder if he's that way because he's mentally ill or because he loves IT so much he wants to get IT wherever he can?"

Like your MIL, she is so illogical & so sure of her own particular perspective at the cost of all others, that there is no reasoning with her. I've tried talking to her & she simply gets up & walks out of the room. My husband says she has always been the same, has never been able to hear others, has always been ultra sensitive even when very gently told she is being hurtful (gets so ridiculously wounded in response to the latter it becomes all about her & not what was hurting the other person at all). So, essentially, she has the thinnest skin on the planet while expecting that of everyone else to be thick.

Aaaaand ... I think I may need to start a blog and vent too instead of leaving such an hideously long comment, sorry!! GOOD LUCK with the rest of the visit!!

Heather said...

(Oh, I'm Heather-in-Australia, the one who likes your peppermint choc chip brownies A LOT :)).

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Sending you ((hugs)) and maybe I should mail you some Vodka. Wowza she is a piece of work.

Laura said...

I'm curious - what does YOUR mom say about this? Have they ever met? Does she get pissed off on your behalf??

Leah Rubin said...

Shoot her.

I should have done it to my MIL 35 years ago. It would have been hailed as a public service.

I could tell you MIL stories that would curl your hair! -- or straighten it, as the case may be.

brzeski said...

omg, I laugh and then I cover my mouth, like "ooh, mustn't laugh at Swistle's pain."
But dammit, it's funny - the woman spins in another orbit. I have to agree with you, I've known people like this and they do not change. They do not suddenly see the error of their ways, and they do not look fondly on you for being the messenger. If you can deal, which it looks like you can, just hum yourself a little tune to drown out the nutso.
Also, I have a big rug I don't need anymore. It rolls up. You know, if you needed it or anything.

St said...

Oh no. Oh no no no. Number three? That's just so completely wrong and bad!

Swistle said...

Laura- My parents are putting her up at their house, which is good for two reasons: one, they will be canonized as saints, if it's "canonized" that saints get, and two, they Get It when I complain about her, because she makes them want to leap squirrel-like from tall trees. My dad has to keep leaving the room, and my mom has to think "Only a few more minutes 'til she goes to Swistle's for the day....only a few more minutes...."

Kim said...

Swistle - Oooh! Surprising development that she's staying at your parents' this time! I love the people who say "Why doesn't she stay at a hotel?" People used to ask us this when Brian's parents visited us in FL. Um, really? Were that it would be just so easy to say "I know you've traveled hundreds of miles to spend time with us but we don't really like your company THAT much - you're going to need to put out a coupla hundred extra bucks to stay at a hotel." No. It doesn't work that way.
In any case, yeah. Your mom just went up several (hundred) points on my list of saints. And it's something I'm sure you and your mom can bond over after the she-beast departs!

Laura said...

Oh wow - having her also stay at your parents?? That is genius. I bow down in humility Swistle!

Stimey said...

It is so unfortunate that your MIL comes to visit and gives you so much trauma (and, goshy-gee, to use a Swistle-ism, she does), but is it terribly wrong that I get so much enjoyment out of it? You should seriously put these in a book format and submit it to a publisher. Then tell her about the book and that could be your final chapter. I bet it would be a good one. You would sell millions of copies. Millions.