July 7, 2009


I'm feeling crabby.

1. I lovvvvvve Jeffery Deaver books, and have been on the hold list for the new one (Roadside Crosses) for a long time. Normally I'm full-on into a Jeffery Deaver book by about page 10, but this one is not grabbing me. I'm getting irritated by the theme, which is "OMG TEH INTERNETS ARE DANGEROUS OMG YOUR PRIVACY OMG SOMEONE COULD KILLLLLL YOUUUUUUUU!!!" but even more by the recurring evidence that the author is not in fact familiar with Teh Internets. He refers to a blog post as a "blog." He refers to comments on a blog post as "blog posts." He says that what makes a blog a blog are the hyperlinks. Wher? It's making me VERY IRRITABLE, because he keeps INTERRUPTING THE PLOT with a character saying something like, "Perhaps it would be useful if I explained the history of 'weblogs'!" and then---if you can believe it---DOING SO. Plus, now I'm all skittish about saying anything about the book on the internet because OMG I COULD BE KILLLLLLLLLLED.

2. I bought a bunch of ice cream on a good sale at Target ($2.50 Breyer's, plus I got a $5 gift card for buying 5, so that's $1.50 a carton), and now it's gone. And now I'm in the habit of eating ice cream every day, so I want want want it.

3. I love tuna. Every time I eat it, I worry about the mercury. I can almost feel the mercury...accumulating. Meanwhile, every famous person on earth is eating nothing but "lean meat and fish!" Oh yes? And what are you doing about the MERCURY POISONING? Or are you TOO THIN TO CARE?

4. I got behind on my celebrity magazines, and I'm trying to catch up. This means I have been reading Jon Kate Jon Kate Jon Kate lean meat Jon Kate fish Jon Kate, and seriously, is NOTHING ELSE of interest happening in the celebrity world? I like a little Jon & Kate as much as anyone (assuming we're taking an average), but it's been, like, eight cover stories so far.

5. The kids are taking swimming lessons. Elizabeth is screaming "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" throughout each lesson. I don't know how much I'm supposed to get involved. Like, are the teachers wishing I would STEP IN AND HELP for heaven's sake, or are they hoping desperately that I'll GO AWAY so they can TEACH?

6. Rob and William have a....rocky relationship. In other words, they are bickering the living spit out of each other EVERY FROG-BANNED DAY. And each of them feels motivated to tell ME about EACH BICKER, and then BICKER about the inaccuracies in what the other one tattled.

7. I'm so sick of making dinner.

8. Every time Georgie coughs, I wonder if it's Time to Call the Vet.

9. I overpaid on a credit card ON PURPOSE, because it's a credit card I use for small occasional purchases and I hate writing teensy checks. But then the credit card company sent me a letter saying they were refunding my extra "as you requested" (which I HAD NOT) and I just found the refund check stuck in the wrong compartment of the bill-paying thingie I use to organize bill-related things, and it has EXPIRED. So hey, THAT was a LOT less trouble than WRITING A TEENSY CHECK.


Erin said...

Whoo. This post (not the BLOG) just made me realize that I'M irritable about all these things too. Especially the part about DINNER. Do we have to eat it every day? Isn't that a bit EXCESSIVE?

Shelly Overlook said...

How did I not realize that swim lessons are a form of torture? Why was I not informed that swim lessons are actually more painful to the parent than the child? Why is this not included in the Parent Handbook? I already endured my week of swim lessons, but I would have been better prepared (cocktail in thermos, perhaps?) had I known. Next year will be better.

jen said...

I'm with you about Jeffery Deaver - sometimes he just tries too damn hard. But I like Kathryn Dance.
Oh, and if it makes you feel better, I can help with the fish quandary... check out http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/cr_seafoodwatch/download.aspx for an easy guide to mercury and sustainable fish harvesting - basically, stick with albacore & you're golden.

Tess said...

I like Jeffrey Deaver too, but this review makes me...reticent. I do not like blog posts being called "blogs". Just...No.

I love, love, love tuna and am completely over the mercury thing. Perhaps I am Too Thin To Care. Also, I like the new tuna that comes flavored in (GASP) OIL. HOO BOY. Quite the maverick, I am.

I would like to know what kinds of things you make for dinner. kthx. I have resorted to intermittent fasting out of boredom. I'm with Erin. EVERY DAY, with the eating. BAH.

Groovymarlin said...

To be fair, the original concept of a "weblog" or "blog," back in the day, was a collection of links that the "blogger" wanted to share, sometimes with very short descriptions or commentary. In that way, Kottke.org is very similar to the original "blog" concept. However, as we all know, blogging has evolved way beyond simple link compilations, and Deaver's oversimplified definition (as well as the annoying post vs. comment and blog vs. post stuff) make him look pretty outdated. Which maybe he is, honestly I don't know thing one about him.

But YOU Swistle, you will NEVER be outdated! Mwah!! ;-)

Jess said...

It drives me nuts when people write about the internet like they're a total authority on the matter, and they can't even get the BASIC TERMS right. ARGH.

Sixminutes said...

Oh WORD, girl. Here is what is bumming me out now:

1. The foul smell emanating from the garbage disposal. That can't be good. Tried lemons - fought it back for bit, now it has returned.

2. That fact that my fridge seems to be either completely empty or so full I can't find anything.

3. Picking up the SAME toys, EVERY day.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already!

bluedaisy said...

#7 plus the dishes that follow...ugh!

SIL Anna said...

You just made me lAAAAAAuuugggh lauugh laugh, especially at the "too thin to care" and the "THAT was a lot less trouble than WRITING A TEENSY CHECK."

Hairline Fracture said...

The inaccuracies in a book about Teh Internets would irritate the heck out of me, too. I mean, it's called research, and writers are supposed to do it when they write a whole book on something. You might want to try it sometime, Jeff.

My son screamed for the whole first week of swimming lessons, reminding me of what his sister did two years earlier. I asked the teachers what they preferred, and they said they were used to kids doing that, so my presence didn't bother them. So I just kept cheerfully waving and telling my screaming child how GREAT he was doing (hard to do). And after four days he stopped screaming and liked it.

Kelsey said...

I knew a teacher who got so sick of the tattling that she made a construction paper ear and taped it to the wall, then whenever someone came to tattle, she was all, "Tell it to the EAR!"

And they did!

For serious.

And they were fourth graders, not little ones.

Maybe you need an ear? :-)

I am with you (and everyone else, apparently) on the dinner thing. Why do they all keep insisting they eat? Multiple times a day?

Mimi said...

Gah. Dinner. Makes me irritable just thinking about it.

Christina said...

I'm really sick of cooking and eating too. Food is just not my friend right now.

I don't have children, but many small cousins and I stole/borrowed a trick that MY kindergarten teacher used to use on the class for tattlers. It was called the tattle "tail" and I made it out of a wrapping paper tube, fastened to an old belt and made a fringe of yarn at the bottom and wrote "Tattle Tail" down the side. The one my teacher had was like a real, fabric animal tail, but.. you get the point. Anyways, when they tattle for the pointless naggy stuff, you affix the tail and they have to wear it for X time. For some reason they get all embarrassed about it, even though it's just you in the house and the idea of wearing the tail makes them stop and think before tattling.

willikat said...

UGH, Why is EVERYTHING ruining your life? I hate when that happens. Seriously. Hugs.

Rachel said...

I taught swim lessons for years and MY preference is for a parent of a screamer to just leave until the lesson is over. They think you're going to rescue them from the torture of sitting on the top stair if they scream loud enough. 5 minutes (probably 2 minutes) after you leave they'll be completely fine. And they're usually fine for all subsequent lessons.

Lippy said...

I am so tired of the arguing. Gaahh. Can't we all just get along. Seriously, what is it with the children.

I currently am enjoying cooking dinner. However, the shopping for the ingredients, not so much. So if others do the shopping I will totally cook for everyone.

Kathy said...

I am so with you on the tattling MY GOD GET ALONG WHY DON'T YOU!

And then this afternoon, they did and it freaked me out.

There is just no pleasing me, apparently.

Random Lurker said...

I agree with Groovymarlin. on everything. Tis true! However, this author must be outdated. Which is kind of funny because had he looked up blogs on Wiki he would have found out about the evolution....or hey, he could have just checked our any of the billion blogs out there to find out about the evolution. grrrr.

Miz S said...

Ugh! I hate checks. Everything involving money should be done electronically so that I don't have to leave my seat at the kitchen counter.

Also (and I don't want to make you jealous of my awesome grown-kids lifestyle BUT...) one of the best things about Ye Olde Empty Nest is that sometimes I'll just say, "Dinner tonight is sandwiches. Make your own." or "It's leftovers tonight. I think there's some old rice in there somewhere. I'm having Cheerios." It makes up for all those years of putting a real meal on the table UGH.

Nowheymama said...

I'm so over shopping for food to make dinner. Which I have to do today because the fridge is bare. With all the kids because it's summer. *sigh*

CAQuincy said...

I just realized that now that base/softball is over and we're back from vacation that OMG I no longer have an excuse not to cook! Noooooo!

Last night I dragged the kids to the library just so that I had the excuse to say, "Sandwich night! Fend for yourself!" And the four-year old grabbed a yogurt. YES!

d e v a n said...

Jeffery Deaver sounds so annoying. At least know what you're talking about before you write the book!
Dinner does get annoying. Especially when one won't touch it, one gives "suggestions" on how it could be better but never cooks himself and/or comes home late so it's COLD and not at it's best, and the other two make a gigantic, disastrous mess.

Swistle said...

Tess- Some common meals:

1. Scrambled eggs, toast.

2. Macaroni and cheese, hot dogs.

3. English muffin pizzas.

4. Egg salad sandwiches.

5. Triscuits dipped in tuna salad.

6. Little french-fry-sized pieces of chicken, and little sauces to dip them in, plus actual french fries.

7. Fish sticks and potato rounds.

8. Taco meat and cheese and salsa microwaved in a tortilla.

9. Taco meat mixed with rice and tomato sauce.

10. Chicken mixed with rice and scrambled egg and canned sweet corn.

11. "Snack dinner": a bunch of whatever I find in the kitchen, typically cheese and fruit and crackers and carrot sticks and nuts.

12. Hamburger Helper. WHAT OF IT?

13. Sandwiches.

14. Noodles with spaghetti sauce from a jar.

Shelly said...

Swistle, I love you. Let me count the ways:
1. meal suggestions that are stunningly similar to what my family eats.
2. "EVERY FROG-BANNED day" - makes me laugh every time I read it.
3. eating "lean meat and fish" and "TOO THIN TO CARE" - holla!
4. Forgetting to cash the credit card check. SO totally something I would do.

Also, I had a co-worker once who said he would, "Learn you about the internet". Turned out he didn't know a browser from a search engine. I tried to show him something that different from Explorer to Netscape, and he replied that he used Google and it worked fine.

Melissa Haworth said...

I am also crabby but reading your list made me laugh. Thanks! Oh, and maybe set up autopay for your credit card? That's what I did to avoid the teeny checks and I love it. I still get the statements to review but don't have to take any action. Perfect!

Virginia Ruth said...

Having been a teacher of swimming, along with a dozen other odd things, I also generally prefer the parent to keep out (except, in some situations, if the child is seriously misbehaving, like hitting the other kids or something). When I'm the teacher, a screaming child doesn't bother me... it's the worry that the parent is getting all stressed out and might think *I'm* not doing *my* job right. If the parent is able to sit back and show trust in my control of the situation (or at least feign calmness!) then I feel like I have the freedom to handle the screaming in my own way.

As Rachel said above, it's sometimes best for the parent to disappear from sight, so that the prospect of rescue is gone.

I'm not crazy, just well mixed! said...

Sorry to read about Georgie (we have a Georgie orange/white kitty too). I've had to make THAT awful decision a couple of times in my life and I can promise you - you will KNOW (absolutely) when its time to call the vet. It won't make it easier, it will suck horribly but you will be sure.

And give him some extra treats from me!