May 2, 2009

Buzz Muffins (Caffeinated Muffins)

I MADE UP this recipe for caffeinated muffins. For reals, I did! And so I am not even going to Google anything about it, because if someone else already made it up I will be so disappointed! And what at if they, too, came up with the name "Buzz Muffins"? Life will seem so grim, so repetitive, so "There is nothing new under the sun." It is not worth the emotional stress. So if you already have this recipe, be kind to me and don't tell me. ...Unless we're talking about knee-breaking/jail-term kind of repercussions, in which case tell me.



There are two basic variations: the ones that taste kind of like coffee, and the ones that don't.


Buzz Muffins: The Ones That Taste Kind of Like Coffee
1/2 cup very strong coffee
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
5 caffeine tablets, 200 mg caffeine each
2 eggs
2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder

Icing (optional but recommended)
1 cup powdered sugar
1.5 tablespoons very strong hot coffee


This recipe is going to sound like a lot of FUSS, because I can't just say "Mix this and that together," but it wasn't too fussy to DO, it's just fussy to EXPLAIN.

Preheat over to 375 degrees F. See? This isn't too fussy yet!

I started by brewing the coffee. I used two tablespoons of Starbucks ground coffee and 8 ounces of water. When it was done brewing, I poured the coffee into a cup and then back into the filter basket (NOT into the water part of the coffee maker, but right on top of the grounds, slowly) and let it trickle through the grounds again. I used a cup so I wouldn't have the coffee pot in my hand when the coffee started re-trickling down, especially since I needed to pour it kind of slowly. Allowing for the water lost to steam and to making the grounds all soggy, I ended up with almost exactly the right amount for the muffins plus the icing plus a wee swig for the cook (I mixed it into a cup of hot chocolate).

Meanwhile, I melted the butter in a 4-cup glass bowl in the microwave. When it was melted, I stirred in 1/2 cup of the coffee.

I put the caffeine tablets (my Target sells the Jet-Alert brand, and they're right next to the sleeping pills---a little hard to find because it's such a small section) into a little bowl, and I used the handle of a wooden spoon to grind them into powder. Then I stirred the powdered caffeine tablets into the butter/coffee. I used the tablet-crushing bowl to fork-whisk the eggs, then added the eggs to the coffee/tablets/butter bowl.

In another, larger bowl I mixed the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder. Then I poured the coffee/tablets/butter/eggs into there and mixed it up. It makes a relatively soupy muffin batter, almost like thick pancake batter. I divided it among 12 greased or papered muffin cups (my #20 disher was perfect for this: 12 level disher-fulls almost exactly) and baked for 22 minutes at 375 degrees F.

While they baked, I made the icing. I mixed the powdered sugar with about a tablespoon and a half of hot coffee and stirred the dickens out of it until there were no lumps.

When the muffins are out of the oven and have cooled for a few minutes (five?), peel off the muffin papers (if you used muffin papers), put the muffins on plates or a cookie sheet or something, and put about a half-spoonful (whatever Regular-Sized Spoon came with your flatware) of icing on top of each muffin. It will drip down the sides of the muffins; this is why we take the papers off, so we don't face the choice of licking muffin papers or consigning delicious icing to the trash.

The batch of 12 muffins has about the same amount of caffeine as 11 eight-ounce cups---so, nearly a cup of coffee per muffin. If you felt like adding a couple more crushed tablets to up the caffeine, I think that would probably work fine---but I'd start getting nervous about UNEVEN DISTRIBUTION, and also it's nice to make them light enough on caffeine that people can eat two, or can eat one WITH some coffee. You could also REDUCE the number of caffeine tablets, of course.


If you don't like the taste of coffee but want the caffeine, substitute milk or juice or water for the 1/2 cup of coffee in the muffins, and also substitute milk or juice or water for the 1.5 tablespoons of coffee in the icing, and also add a sixth crushed caffeine tablet to the recipe. This will make a very PLAIN-tasting muffin, but you can add flavored extract (orange, vanilla, lemon, etc.) to both the batter and the icing: about 2 teaspoons to the batter and 1 teaspoon to the icing, depending on the strength of the flavoring (if adding to the icing, reduce milk/water/juice by the amount of extract you use; in batter, it doesn't matter). Here's a version I tried:


Buzz Muffins: The Ones That Don't Taste Like Coffee
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
6 caffeine tablets, 200 mg caffeine each
2 eggs
2 teaspoons lemon extract
1 teaspoon dried lemon peel
2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder

Icing (optional but recommended)
1 cup powdered sugar
scant 1/2 teaspoon lemon extract
1 tablespoon hot water

And the instructions are just a modified version of the ones above:

Preheat over to 375 degrees F. See? Basically the same.

If you think of it ahead of time, put the eggs and the orange juice on the counter for awhile before you get started, so they'll be room temperature. Otherwise their coldness can make the melted butter clump up. If you don't think of it ahead of time, put the eggs and orange juice in a pyrex bowl and put it on the OFF back burner of your pre-heating oven, assuming your oven vents extra heat out the back burner like mine does. This'll warm them up a bit while you work on other steps.

I melted the butter in a 4-cup glass bowl in the microwave. When it was melted, I stirred in the room temperature orange juice and egg.

I put the caffeine tablets into a little bowl, and I used the handle of a wooden spoon to grind them into powder. Then I stirred the powdered caffeine tablets into the butter/juice/egg. Then I added the lemon extract and dried lemon peel (you could use fresh here, or you could use one and not the other, or whatevs---I was just winging it with what I had on hand; it's hard to get a nice strong lemon flavor in baked stuff, without resorting to that stuff they use in Hostess fruit pies) (mmmmmm, Hostess fruit pies).

In another, larger bowl I mixed the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder. Then I poured the juice/tablets/butter/eggs into there and mixed it up. It makes a relatively soupy muffin batter, almost like thick pancake batter. I divided it among 12 greased or papered muffin cups (my #20 disher was perfect for this: 12 level disher-fulls almost exactly) and baked for 22 minutes at 375 degrees F.

While they baked, I made the icing. I mixed the powdered sugar with a scant half-teaspoon of lemon extract and a tablespoon of hot tapwater (oooh, I should have used orange juice), and stirred until there were no lumps.

When the muffins are out of the oven and have cooled for a few minutes (five?), peel off the muffin papers (if you used muffin papers), put the muffins on plates or a cookie sheet or something, and put about a half-spoonful (whatever Regular-Sized Spoon came with your flatware) of icing on top of each muffin. It will drip down the sides of the muffins; this is why we take the papers off, so we don't face the choice of licking muffin papers or consigning delicious icing to the trash.


Other ideas:
It would also be yummy to add chocolate chips or butterscotch chips, or use melted chips in place of the icing, and I'm going to see if I can come up with a Coffee Creamer Flavor by using milk and adding vanilla and nut extracts.


Caution: These are kind of like Caffeinated Jello Shots: a novelty item not for kids to get into. I'm planning to store these as "out of reach" as I store the caffeine tablets themselves---maybe a little MORE out of reach, since the tablets look like medicine and the muffins DON'T. I also labeled the ziploc with "CAFFEINATED MUFFINS" in huge letters.

20 comments:

Nowheymama said...

Ooh! You could write a caffeinated cookbook!

The only recipes I've ever seen for foods with coffee use very strong coffee and that's it. So I think you are onto something.

Jenny said...

I believe you have just changed my life.

Hotch Potchery said...

I thought you were kidding about the caffeine pills....

FYI: I googled it, because I am just like that...and guess what? I think it's all yours!!!!

PS If it hadn't been, I just wouldn't have told you.

Lavanah said...

Oh, I am so trying these, the coffee flavored ones sound really good!

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Oh. Wow. You ARE A GENIUS!!! I'm going to try the non-coffee flavored ones, as I don't particularly like coffee (where 'don't particularly like' means 'hate with a violent passion'). Too cool!

Rah said...

Way to be creative!! :-) Both sound ymmmy, with or without the caffeine pills. BTW, if you're in a rush, you can you espresso powder. It's lousy as "instant" espresso, but wonderful to give good coffee flavor to baked goods w/o all the bother. DISCLAIMER: I have never heard of caffeinated muffins! I do have a scone recipe for a from a coffee shop in Minneapolis, but it uses instant espresso powder and some of the actual wet espresso grounds from brewing. The grounds give the bread a nice little nutty bite. But that recipe wouldn't have anything near the buzz yours would.

Now I have to ask--what kind of morning from hell brought on this urge to make caffeine muffins?

Swistle said...

I needed to bake something for a Teacher Appreciation Breakfast next week. Thinking of the difficulty of a teacher's job naturally led me to thinking of drugs. First attempt (Pot Muffins) unsuccessful due to grocery store being out of pot.

Swistle said...

And "Aspirin Muffins" were too bitter.

Swistle said...

As were "Valium Muffins." Terribly bitter.

katethegr8 said...

I googled "buzzed muffins" and "caffinated muffins" and the first thing that came is was "swistle" :) YEP it was YOU!

and nothing else significant came up that has to do with muffins that are food..if you catch my drift..yuck!

Kim said...

What a brilliant idea and they sound delish. A lot better than the pot brownies we tried making in the 90's that tasted a little like dirt and gave no buzz whatsoever. Ah, youth.

the new girl said...

Swistle rhymes with YOU WILL MAKE A MILLION MAKING AND PACKAGING AND SELLING THESE THINGS.

Copywrite.

NOWLY.

Melospiza said...

Teacher Appreciation Week Muffins.

TOTALLY.

Am now wondering if MY child's teacher would like a Buzz Muffin, or maybe a Valium Muffin.

These not only sound like treats, they sound sort of like alternate superheroes.

Buzz Muffin to the rescue!

Frondly said...

agree with the new girl.
you could write up a caffeinated cookbook. sell it on think geek. retire early.

also, still laughing about pot/aspirin/valium muffins. HA!

Frondly said...

um, i see nowheymama already pitched that idea. how did i miss the first comment? anyway, NOWHEYMAMA: good idea!

Smiling Mama said...

I hate the taste of coffee and prefer to get my caffeine via diet coke BUT I have to say that you are brilliant! IF I did like coffee and IF was looking for another source of caffeine then I'd be whipping up a batch of these right this moment!!

Shoeaddict said...

My heart races already and I'm not doing caffeine while preggie so, I can't use these. But, I'm so interested in caffeine pills. I had no idea they were sold.

After pregnancy, I'd be totally down with valium muffins.

Michele said...

Oh my, these sound too yummy!! Gonna have to try them! signed up to follow your blog on Facebook! Can't wait to make the muffins!

~Michele from It's in the Bag!
http://itsinthebag2007.blogspot.com/

surroundsound5000 said...

I'm making some with Caffeine powder from Prague. Bit sad I evidently wasn't the first to've come up with the idea, but glad to hear there are others out there as caffeine crazy as me!

buy viagra said...

what delicious food, I really like it, I think that this is so cool, I want to learn how to make these pastry, looks so delicious!