Certain elements of certain kinds of sadness can be a certain amount of.....er. Enjoyable. Not that I'd say so to Paul. Because I am indeed very sad, and don't want him to think I'm milking it.
There can be a "holiday" or "vacation" feeling to sadness: these are special times and special measures are required. Bakedy things. Candy. Pizza two nights in a row. Not doing the dishes.
There is a certain level of pleasure in making Paul aware of how sad he's made me, of what a significant "getting his way" moment this is in the timeline of our marriage. I look at him with large, shining, welling eyes. He says, "Oh, honey." He doesn't feel bad enough to change his mind, but he feels bad enough to bring home the candy and make the pizza and do the dishes.
There is the tender care of the victorious spouse: I am clearly the defeated spouse, and so he can afford to be generous and gracious and kind. I have had more pattings and hugs and hair-strokings in the last couple of days than in the last year. I am the household invalid. I have wiped my nose on his sleeve. I suspect my Christmas presents will be more abundant this year. There is the feeling that he owes me, that something will need to happen in the future to restore balance.
There is the feeling that anything that makes the sadness feel better is justified and should be tried. Would I feel better if I went on a little outing by myself? Perhaps. Would I feel better if I spent some time on my computer while he played with all the children? It's worth a try. Would I feel better if we had long discussions about topics normally too boring for him to face? Listen, if it stops the crying for a little while it's well worth it.
And I'm SO glad we have a Swistmas contest, because it really makes me feel happy to assemble treat boxes. It is great fun, and I highly recommend it if you're feeling a little low. It's distracting, and it gives you an excuse to bake.
The winner of the Swistmas package is Mimi All Me, which is even MORE fun because Mimi is currently experiencing a surprise pregnancy, and there are few things in this world I love more than surprise pregnancies. And perhaps if I link to her and fuss over her she will UPDATE more often, because posting on December 3rd that it is the day of the first appointment/ultrasound and then NOT POSTING AGAIN is unacceptable, especially once the suggestion of twins has been dropped into the conversation.
Mimi, I am emailing you this morning so we can talk about food allergies and such.
Summer sleep-away camp supplies - I am in a TIZZ about Elizabeth going to Girl Scouts camp this summer. I’m GLAD she’s going, and I’m glad she WANTS to go, but it’s a week and this is the f...