May 24, 2008

There's a Brownie Recipe at the End

Um, hi. CRABBY MUCH? I told you I was hormonal. I mean, what in the blue blazes do I care about how other people mange their blogging hobbies? Do I give two shakes of a lamb's tail? NO I DO NOT.

Seriously! How does it affect me if people choose to focus on promotion rather than on creating something worth promoting? NOT AT ALL, that's how! Do I even notice who's doing it and who's not? No! Did I even know those promotional sites existed before LAST NIGHT? No! So what is in MY bonnet? How come I'm STILL making crabby remarks? I mean, look at that sentence about "promotion rather than creating something worth promoting." BIT-CHY.

And would I want someone else flouncing in telling ME how to handle MY blog hobby? Certainly not! Some people think ads are stupid, and what do I have over there?---->
A big old ad, that's what! Do I want someone saying, "Ads are stupid! What are you, a writer or a BILLBOARD? What are you doing, blogging or SHILLING FOR CAPITALISTS?" No! So what business do I have flouncing around saying that the promotion websites---which, as I say, I spent all of five minutes learning about---are stupid? None, that's what! NONE!

Furthermore, did I even take a few minutes to make sure I was making my alleged "point" clear? No! It was near bedtime, so I just dashed it off and went away in a snit. NICE. So now it's like I'm flinging dirt around at everyone who has ever hoped---utterly naturally---to attract more readers to their blog, and has taken perfectly ordinary steps to do so! NICE. And who was it who just finished saying that when you vent, you have to make sure the shrapnel will not hit innocent bystanders? THAT'S RIGHT.

Sigh. So here is what I am: sorry if you got hit by annoying little bits of my vent shrapnel. Because I didn't mean you. And I can say that with 100% certainty and 0% lying, because I had literally NONE OF YOU in mind, nor have I ever noticed your blog-promoting activities with narrowed eyes, nor do I care what blog-promoting activities you participate in. You know who I had in mind? An imaginary person, possibly based on my pyramid-scheme-participating high-school boyfriend: someone grasping at anything that looks like fame or fortune, no matter how stupid and useless. Someone who doesn't understand that attention for the sake of attention is meaningless and stupid. Yes, that sounds just like him. Well, or like Paris Hilton. And they don't sound anything like you, now do they? And so I should have been a little more careful before I started yelling at them, now shouldn't I?

So let's kiss and make up! I've got fudge AND brownies! The brownies turned out really awesome, too:

Kiss and Make Up Brownies
3/4 cup (1.5 sticks) butter
5 squares (5 ounces) unsweetened baking chocolate
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup chopped pecans (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F, and butter a 9x13 pan. Melt butter and baking chocolate in a large saucepan. When melted, remove saucepan from heat and use saucepan as a mixing bowl. Add sugar, then add eggs and vanilla. Then add flour and salt. Then add pecans. Do not eat all the batter; instead, put it into buttered pan and then onward into the oven. Bake for 28 minutes. Remove from oven. Let cool (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA---just a little joke there! Do not burn tongue on pecans.).

26 comments:

Stacie said...

*KISSES*

Well. I should have something intelligent to say but I've got two kids who seem to be about to cut molars and I have no brain cells left because they have all been driven into hiding by the endless awfulness of unhappy children. So instead you get an "I'm not mad" smooch. Though I haven't read the mad comment so maybe no one was mad.

catnip said...

Uh oh. I'm pretty sure I know what that's about. **slaps self on forehead**

I really LOVE brownies :)

Bird said...

I wasn't offended--I pretty much assumed you were thinking of those blogs where people write crazy nonsense just so they can have blog.

Marie Green said...

I've only heard of Technirati or whatever it is, but have never been there.... And from your comments, it doesn't appear that anyone was offended by that last post. And if they were, the brownie recipe- and not just any brownie recipe, but a SWISTLE one, ought to bring them around. =)

JMC said...

You know, it's 11:35 at night and I should be going to bed since my kids will have me up at some ridiculous hour known as zero dark thirty around here, but I've had a couple of those glasses of happiness that I mentioned in my last post, and suddenly baking brownies seems like a perfectly legitimate midnight activity...

runningmussells said...

Ahh! Totally making those brownies tomorrow ... the best part is they seem just as easy as brownies from a box yet I can boast that they are made from scratch! Thanks Swistle!

kirida said...

Whenever I feel like technology is moving too fast for me, I watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yNDOJECpqrs

Always and forever, Swistle.

Swistle said...

Bird- YES! YES! And I was worried that someone who just had a REASONABLE level of NORMAL blog-related activity would think I meant THEM! Oh, the agony!

Stacie and Marie- No one SAID they were mad. But I was suddenly stricken that someone MIGHT be mad, or hurt, or nervous, or suddenly self-conscious---and might not SAY so, but just FEEL so. And even if no one even DID feel mad or hurt, I still felt like a total tool for what I said and how I said it and how I failed to edit it. And for BLOGGING ABOUT BLOGGING, which generally I dislike.

Kirida- OMG I'd forgotten about that.

Erin said...

Kiss And Make Up Brownies... AWESOME!

I think this would be a good tool in marriage too: "Sorry, honey. Let's sit and eat some brownies. We'll all feel better."

fairydogmother said...

Sometimes going off in a snit is just what we need to do in the moment. It isn't nice, it isn't very mature, and it doesn't really help anything except maybe give us a chance to blow off steam. And if it is at something like weird blog promotional websites that you don't really see the point in (me too!) that has absolutely ZERO impact on your life and loved ones, I think that's pretty reasonable as far as snits go. Especially when followed up by Kiss and Make Up Brownies!

Although what am I talking about, I'm the girl who burnt her macaroni and cheese dinner last night. Beyond salvation burnt. So perhaps no baking today for me. Dammit.

P.S. Just noticed word verification starts with the letters TUB. As if blogger is telling me "Nope, you don't need any brownies". To which I say "Oh yes, as a matter of fact I DO!"

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

I have someone in mind EXACTLY like who you describe. They are very nice, until they get a money making scheme in their mind and the next thing, they are peddling vitamins and Amway and life insurance and they will be an overnight millionaire and write books about their great success.

But not before they harass everyone they know to DEATH. And then the next time you see them, and you dare ask about their "business" they give a shrug and say "Ah, well. It wasn't all that it was made out to be. But hey ... have you ever considered purchasing a time share...?"

Nowheymama said...

*Thinking to myself*: My brownie recipe is very similar to Swistle's. Me = baking genius.

Shannon said...

I love brownies. Now, back to the dust bowl, errrr.... front yard. At least it isn't a weedy field anymore.

Swistle said...

Jen4- YES, that is exactly like my ex-boyfriend! Very nice, but always on the path to greatness---and never seeming to sense the PATTERN to all the dead ends. No LEARNING taking place. Nor riches.

CassJustCurious said...

Those brownies look very dangerous....I'm pretty sure it's not advised to eat a whole stick and half of butter in one serving so I'm going to have to wait until people come over to make these!

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I'm new to your blog. I'm thrilled I got some brownies on my first visit. Hell to the yeah!

susan said...

ummmm....for the rest of the world who has migrated to metric, how much is an ounce? ;) just for the chocolate, i mean? the rest, i think i can deduce, if i crank out my measuring scale that uses small anvils...and ride to the shops to purchase the ingredients on my penny farthing bike ;)

ps your recipe looks totally awesome. you are totally forgiven (not that i was mad or even had any idea what was going on, but hey, if you're dishin' out the good stuff, i graciously accept).

PPS just kidding about the ye-olde-america stuff. you guys invented google!

Swistle said...

Susan- I remember learning in school that there were 28 grams in an ounce. Do you metric folks use grams? Because then it's about 140 grams of unsweetened chocolate.

Jeninacide said...

Isn't it funny how you can totally write a bunch of CRAP in the heat of the moment and then look at it later and go "UGH! OMG... and WHOOPS!"

I do the same thing like 70% of the time..

Tessie said...

Do you know what I love? The term "two shakes of a lamb's tail". SO MUCH.

At our house we say, "two shakes of a Rottweiler's nub".

Um, because they don't have full tails. WHATEVER. MORE COFFEE, PLEASE.

Emma's mom said...

So do your kids really eat nuts? In brownies? Because the recipe looks really good and I'd like to make it with the pecans, but fear neither my husband nor daughter would eat them. Or maybe that's a good thing....

Swistle said...

Emma's Mom- No, the kids don't like the nuts. I consider that a bonus! More for me!

Anna said...

I made the brownies last night...omg...soooo good...thanks!

Astarte said...

I think it's kind of like when someone seems like they're trying to be your friend, but then you find out the next time you see her at the playground that oh, BTW, she's having an Avon party at her house, would you like to come?! (Yes, I mean YOU, Mom At My Local Playground. You can take your mosquito repellent lotion and shove it where the mosquitoes don't bite!) Anyway, other people's venting is Funny. And, as a bonus, it makes me feel better about when I do it. :)

Shoeaddict said...

Kiss!

I was on vacation when this happened. I had no idea there was bitchyness going on but, I love the brownies! Too bad I'm going on a diet Monday.

Shoeaddict said...

Kiss!

I was on vacation when this happened. I had no idea there was bitchyness going on but, I love the brownies! Too bad I'm going on a diet Monday.