May 8, 2008

Bad Spell

The last few days I've been so tired and weak-limbed, I actually Googled "weak limbs" to see what disease I might have. I imagined how I'd break the news to all of you that I would soon be in a wheelchair: I'd be gentle and clear, resigned and stoic, and you would all admire my poise in the face of tragedy. I would become The Face of Whatever It Was I Had. It turns out that the main reason for weak limbs is "tiredness," and the second reason is "stress," and probably I will not need a wheelchair (or A Face) for either of those.

Today I was so tired, though, I lay down for awhile during naptime, and I would have gone to sleep except I had a wakeful companion who wanted me to read her dinosaur books and discuss our respective barrettes. And I thought to myself, "I must be really unusually tired, because I NEVER lie down during the day. Well, except when I'm pr--................" *long, calculating pause*

This is the kind of time I am so happy to have my cheap pregnancy tests. Sometimes even just having the tests in the house and knowing I could take one immediately is enough to remind me that the statistical chances of a positive are very low. But if I DO feel anxious to have an answer, I don't feel as stupid if the answer is "no" when I've only spent 80 cents---whereas I DO feel stupid, TREMENDOUSLY stupid, when I've spent 7 dollars. (Of COURSE the answer was no.)

I think one reason I've been so tired and frustrated this week is that Elizabeth has stopped taking naps. Some of you have wondered how I find so much time to blog, and one of my main time sources is that all three housechildren take a 2-hour-minimum nap at the same time each day. That's at least ten hours per workweek right there. But now Elizabeth has outgrown naps. And although she is a pleasant, perky, cheerful little grown-up of a companion, she is persistent about her interest in interacting with me Every! Single! Second!

Can I get even ONE SENTENCE of blogging done, even after setting her up in a comfy chair with her stuffed elephant and her pool noodle and her tiny chickie and her stack of dinosaur books and Mommy's Favorite Blanket and her green dinosaur socks and her pink fluffy hat? NO. Because she wants to discuss what she is reading, and she wants to ask questions, and she wants to confirm that that is an apatosaurus, and she wants to talk about how I got all those things for her, and she wants to talk about how we need to be quiet because the little boys are napping and about how she is a big girl now who does not take naps. So she and I have been doing things together, and it IS nice to have some one-on-one time with her, but this is having a cumulative effect as if I were working 13-hour shifts every single day with no lunch breaks---OH WAIT.

And then my third-grader lectured me for flushing an ant down the toilet (the toilet was flushing anyway, and I efficiently tossed the ant in), saying that the food chain depended on ALL species, and what if ants were endangered, and how did I KNOW they weren't endangered, and what if they were endangered NOW because of ME killing them? It was around 5:30 p.m. that he started this conversation, and that's when my mental fortitude is low and I am just barely able to concentrate on breaking off chunks of banana for Henry, and I am not prepared to discuss the significance of alternate food sources for species higher-up on the chain. Rob then mentioned panda bears and polar bears and how THEY were nearly extinct from people killing them, so I promised that if either a panda bear or a polar bear came into our house, I would refrain from flushing it down the toilet.

This reminds me of when I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl who told me that coffee was poison. Cute. Go to bed early, then, and maybe I won't need to poison myself in the morning.

Well. In happy, productive news, I got the two Swistle Care Packages mailed off to the prize-winners. Ha ha: I'll bet they think I was KIDDING about emptying the contents of my junk drawer in there! But I used flat-rate boxes and I had plenty of space, and I saw the opportunity to jettison a whole BUNCH of crap. Bye-bye, crap! Have fun in your new homes! Bye-eeeeeeeee!

And tonight I'm making fudge for the Teacher Appreciation Day buffet tomorrow, and I'm going to watch Gilmore Girls while eating half of the double-batch I'm making, so I don't see how this bad spell can persist.

53 comments:

aibee said...

That long calculating pause spazzed me out SO much that I had to read the next paragraph THREE times before I could breathe again.

And about that weak limbed bizzo. Could you be low on iron?

AndreAnna said...

I swore you were going to announce a pregnancy soon. And then you'd have to drive to Jersey to pick my big honkin' pregnant ass off the floor.

Aibee maybe on to something? Iron? B-12 perhaps? Not enough fluids.

Or, you're a busy woman with five kids and very little breaks. Could be that.

Shelly Overlook said...

I hear fudge is the magic cure for weak limbed tiredness.

Swistle said...

Aibee- Good thought. I'll pick up some supplements next time I'm at the store, or maybe eat some cereal or something. In the meantime: fudge supplements.

Whimsy said...

I loved reading about your alone time with Elizabeth. It just sounded so CUTE even though I know it comes at the cost of your few minutes of free time.

And I've personally found that fudge supplements work wonders.

honeybecke said...

Yes, I hear ya on those cheap pregnancy tests. After you wrote about them on the S-buzz I decided that yes, they were just what I needed as I also think I am always pregnant: like NOW. I just took FOUR of them last week and it was only because I am totally crazy. I really, really like having them in the house, I have to agree. I need to buy dixie cups though cause I seem to be at a loss as so what to uh, expel into. Also those little silicon packs they come with= no no baby, not in your mouth! I didn't even know they were in there!

Oh, and I mourn with you on the loss of toddler nap time. My 2.5 year old went from having 2-4 hour naps each day to like, 20 minutes of "quiet time" which is hardly quiet, because he is hollering at me the whole time about this that and everything. My 10 month old NEVER naps. Gah.

Jeninacide said...

Ummm Swistle? Why is your fudge recipe not there in the column on the right with the chocolate-mint brownie recipe?

Or is it a secret?

Jess said...

Every time my period is like, one MINUTE late, I'm all like ohmygodI'mpregnant. But I never take a test because they're expensive and I feel silly and I don't WANT to be pregnant yet (except I kind of do but only in a completely unreasonable way that I WILL NOT act on). Anyway, I think I need to invest in some of those cheap pregnancy tests so I can stop having a mini conniption every month.

Also? I love the term "housechildren."

Ami said...

The Gilmore Girls is such a great show!!! We've been getting the DVDs from our library, and we're on season 7 now. Watching it always cheers me up.

Swistle said...

Jess Loolu- You totally should. 20 tests is the best order: it's the least number you can get in the lower 80c/test price category, and it's just enough money to qualify for the free shipping!

Jennifer said...

I got tired just reading this!

Your time with Elizabeth sounds so sweet! I know she'll treasure those moments when she's older!

Swistle said...

Jeninicide- It's the "Old-Time Fudge" recipe in the Better Homes & Garden cookbook (red checkered). MMMMmmmmmmm.

Swistle said...

Ami- I'm on season 7, too! And why is Christopher being such a PRIME IDIOT?

raisingtheboys said...

My oldest son is at this same stage as your daughter. I simultaneously charms me and makes me want to put my fingers in my ears and go "LALALALA not hearing you LALALA."

-R- said...

Like Jess, I love the term housechildren.

The way you write makes your kids sound so cute and snuggly. I really love it.

moo said...

Glad you cleared up the pregnancy thing, because of COURSE that was the first thing I thought of. Then I chastised myself like, this woman is probably PREVENTING pregnancy and JUST BECAUSE she has 5 children does NOT mean she automatically is pregnant EVERY TIME she mentions an ailment, GOD, ASSHOLE.

Naps are lovely times of the day. Or time, in my case. I'm sorry she's dropping hers.

Kristi said...

Yesterday I was a little in love with your husband. Your turn!

K in the Mirror said...

Please tell your boy that there is NO WAY ants are endangered, because one million of them live in my kitchen and bathroom and will not leave no matter what I do.

Fudge and Gilmore Girls = my favorite things. Christopher's being an idiot again? ARgh. I'm still in season 6, where Logan and Luke are being idiots.

Tracy said...

I was totally sad when Gilmore girls ended. I will say however as the show progressed over the years, I am not sure if my hearing went bad, they started talking faster, or maybe my brain turned to mush from all the cartoons, but to keep from turning the TV up full blast, I had to turn the Closed captions on so I could catch everything they would say.

Ashley said...

"...so I promised that if either a panda bear or a polar bear came into our house, I would refrain from flushing it down the toilet."

You are one funny woman Swistle!

Lisa said...

Ahh....there's safety in numbers. My son (who turns 3 in July) decided to give up napping 3 weeks ago. This incidentally coincided with the same week my husband got deployed for two months. We have spent most of the week wanting to kill each other, and I've told him if he doesn't go upstairs for 'quiet time' Im putting his cranky ass in day care. ;)

Athena said...

I. Love. This. Post.

Beth A. said...

My sympathies on the nap situation. I live in terror of the day K gives her nap up for good.

I hadn't realized how much I miss Gilmore Girls until you mentioned it. When it ended, I thought it was probably time for it to go, but now I don't know what to do with my Tuesday nights. I should rewatch season 7 - I missed the first half hour of nearly every episode because I was putting K to bed at 8.

Maggie said...

God, I miss the Gilmore Girls. Witty dialogue, cute clothes, AND hot men? I want to live in Stars Hollow.

JMH said...

I pink fluffy heart Gilmore Girls! I miss it...it was one of my guilty pleasures when I was on maternity leave. I used to sing the theme song to my daughter all the time. Gilmore Girls + chocolate in any form = happiness!!

Omaha Mama said...

Almost everyone I know has been unusually tired - or sick - this week. Myself included.

Perhaps I should make a double batch of fudge. That sounds like a good antidote.

Kristin.... said...

Where do you come up with this? You had my husband cracking up (he of course identified with Paul in the last post).

I too mourn the loss of nap. My twins still take two naps a day, if I'm lucky, but boy wonder does not nap unless thrown in the car. And it's all "play with me Mama. Come play with me." And really, with such lovely weather, how can I deny him that? Granted, my house has gone to pot, but what can you do.

Nowheymama said...

Oh, the end of naptime is such a sad thing. Especially during the adjusment period, where the napless child hits the wall around 5 pm.

Tessie said...

Elizabeth is SO SMART to realize that no naps=more alone time with mama.

And I notice that my kid is ALSO a genius (heh), and therefore I feel a little concern (slash PANIC) that she will make the same connection re: naps.

Also, POOL NOODLE! That was totally my favorite part.

Pickles & Dimes said...

I loved how you promised not to flush any polar bears down the toilet - hee! Your boy = future environmentalist.

Astarte said...

Welcome to the world of girls!!!! They NEVER Shut Up, EVER. My face used to hurt from being home with Josie all day, I swear, when she was that age. She's almost nine now, and has only recently stopped having incessant blabbering syndrome.

I usually get weak-limbed when I'm getting ready to get my period, or am in the early throes of it; maybe that's your problem. Or, it could be that you have FIVE KIDS!!!

Shannon said...

I've been there this week, too.

Darsie has also given up naps this week and it is PURE HELL. Elise will also only sleep when D is at school in the morning. WTH am I going to do come the 30th when there is NO MORE SCHOOL???

I'd still take the test if I were you. Or did you and I just didn't see it?

nonsoccermom said...

I hear you on the no naps. Neither of my kids are/were good nappers - my 5 1/2 year old gave them up for good around 18 months, and I can't seem to establish any sort of decent pattern with my 4-month-old. She just naps for 30 minute spurts several times a day. I'm open for suggestions if anyone has any...

annenahm said...

Oh, much sanity was lost at the Nahm household when naptime went the wayside. I finally ended up telling them: You don't have to sleep. But you do have to go into that room and be quiet.

Fudge with espresso beans is tasty.

annenahm said...

Also, after clicking the link to the pregnancy strip things, all I want to do is end up in a conversation where I can say to someone, "pee on this strip and feel better."

Too Weird?

drowninginlaundry said...

I am all for enforced quiet time. When The Dictator drops his nap he will have to spend at least an hour a day in his room playing and leaving Mama The. Heck. Alone.

Granted there will also be another Dictator in our home to contend with, thanks to the cheap ovulation kits on that same site!

artemisia said...

Just reading this zapped my energy.

I love that the little fella was lecturing you about endangered species. Though exhausted, you must be proud of your little guy that gets The Big Picture.

Saly said...

Oh Swistle-- My Lucy is the exact same way. The grown-up conversation is great but sometimes it goes right through me.

I am definitely investing in some of those tests, post baby. My cycles are always so weird for like, A YEAR after the fact---I should own stock in EPT.

Misty said...

Elizabeth sounds darling...even if the lack of a break is driving you bananas. I know I live for nap time when my kids are home with me.

Jill said...

The coffee paragraph was my favorite. HA!

Also, within two sentences I though "oh my god swistle is pregnant!" Like one of those romance novels where the author 'randomly' mentions that the character was sick, and then a chapter later surprise! Pregnancy! Except you are a) not pregnant and b) more fun to read than a crappy romance novel.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

I am glad you don't have some horrible disease! I don't have kiddos yet, but whenever someone asks me to babysit, the first thing I ask is if their kids still nap. It's a magical thing, naptime!

Swistle said...

Tracy- I think this last season really is harder to understand: I've had a few where I've done rewind-play-rewind-play-rewind-play and STILL can't catch it.

Astarte- Your diagnosis turns out to be correct.

Shannon- It was hidden in the "not regretting an 80 cent test" part.

Annenahm- I hope that one day I'll have an opportunity to go rushing to the aid of a Wonderer, pregnancy strip (and dixie cup!) in my purse.

Artemisia- It was one of my "thank goodness for teachers" moments, because I was like, "DANG IT, I forgot to teach him about endangered species!"

SeaBird said...

Oh my gosh - I laughed so many times during this post. I have had the same weak-limb-ed-ness this week and it ended up being a sunus infections but I was terrified because it *did* feel like, oh, the first six months or so of pregnancy.

The ant extinction bit cracked me up. And I am so dreading the impending end of naptime, too. Their naptime is creeping later and later and pretty soon: poof!

jonniker said...

"I would be come The Face ..."

HAHAHAHAHA. We've all been there, man. That's so freaking funny. I'm always vaguely disappointed when I don't have whatever it is I thought, as it deprives me of the opportunity to be A Face.

d e v a n said...

d has started refusing naps too. Ugh. Only he's not so pleasant about it.

Fudge could probably make just about any day brighten up...

Kim O. said...

just wanted to tell you that i love love love your blog. ;)

Maggie said...

The death of naptime is a very sad time indeed. The rule around here is that if you don't want to sleep, you can play quietly in your room until someone comes to tell you that nap time is over. Which is surprisingly effective, even for the 23 mo. old. So far anyway...but famous last words...

Hopefully you get some rest soon - although I am somewhat glad to hear that I am not the only one who has been COMPLETELY exhausted lately.

Susiewearsthepants said...

I don't have as many children as you do, but I find myself going through "tired" spells. I sometimes have a whole week where I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. Sometimes our busy lives catch up with us.

desperate housewife said...

Be quiet over there about your girl toddler who has stopped napping! My girl toddler might somehow catch wind of it and get an idea in her head! And I am NOT ready, no no no no!
Also, I too am in love with my cheapy internet pregnancy tests. My husband laughed his head off when I ordered twenty, but he soon conceeded that fifteen dollars was far better than days of agonized hem-hawing and then finally forking over eight to ten dollars on the one in a hundred chance that I got knocked up while breastfeeding.

Deb said...

Okay, for some reason, I totally misunderstood the parenthetical (I thought you were saying that "of COURSE" you get negatives when you spend $7 a pop). So I sat there at the end and thought, "Oh, NO she didn't! She did NOT just leave us hanging?!" I couldn't figure out why the other comments weren't crawling up your behind. Duhhhhh...

I think if you want a wheelchair, you should have one. It would make life easier.

Kristi said...

I'm gonna have to agree w/all the other iron/b vitamin comments. I started that a few weeks ago and now I am annoying myself with my increased energy level.

Jess said...

The new baby names list is out! I just saw this article on CNN describing some of the trends:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/10/baby.names.ap.ap/index.html

Kelsey said...

Harper naps maybe 50-75% of the time, but I make her got to her room for a while after lunch regardless because I have to have that quiet time. It is nice that you can have some one-on-one with Elizabeth. . .but I'd still desire for her to take a nap until she was in school all day!