March 4, 2008

My Shift Ends at NEVER O'Clock

10:30 p.m.-- Swistle goes to bed and lies awake thinking about something totally stupid.

11:00 p.m.-- Still thinking. And now also thinking about how many minutes this has wasted.

11:20 p.m.-- Drifts off to fantasy of winning a $1,000 gift card to Target.

11:30 p.m.-- Elizabeth wakes up crying. Swistle goes and gets her and brings her back to Swistle's room, then lies awake again thinking with increasing anxiety about how she would get the kids out of the house if there was a fire.

11:40 p.m.-- Swistle gets kicked in the neck by a toddler who wants to lie sideways with her head on Daddy's pillow.

12:15 a.m.-- Drifts off.

12:30 a.m.-- Henry calls for service from the 24-hour cafeteria. He would like a refill on his bottomless cup of milk, purchased 9 months ago.

1:00 a.m.-- Back to bed. NO THINKING. GO TO SLEEP. STOP THINKING. Swistle falls asleep and dreams about a gentle, pleasant canoe ride. A canoe ride that cruises past a giant, half-submerged, tipped-over, dark-metal boat.

1:45 a.m.-- Swistle is actually grateful to be awakened by the sound of a nearby toddler about to barf, and before reaching full consciousness is already halfway to the bathroom with the toddler, who throws up mostly into the sink, greatly reducing barf clean-up time.

2:05 a.m.-- Back to bed, with toddler on towel. Swistle lies awake wondering if this means the whole family is going to start barfing. Is she imagining it, or does her tummy feel a little queasy?

2:25 a.m.-- Drifts off. Dreams about elevators, and about missing the bus.

5:28 a.m.-- Paul's alarm goes off. Swistle thinks, "Oh, thank goodness I can sleep for another 37 minutes."

5:29 a.m.-- Henry wakes up yelling.

5:35 a.m.-- Edward calls, "My get up too?"

6:05 a.m.-- Careful not to move her sore neck too much, Swistle puts the coffee on.

6:30 a.m.-- Swistle realizes the coffee maker will not work when it is not plugged in.

50 comments:

Saly said...

I fear I will be echoing this sentiment in my own entry today. And soon it will be worse. Here's to hoping you get a nap today.

Thia said...

As someone who has really been struggling with this around the clock duty bit, I appreciate this post. I am laughing and crying with you this morning.

Kristin.... said...

We are working on the coffee IV. :)

Hope someone rests today.

Rachel said...

Oh god, this sounds so much like my nights lately. And I just have the one kid. You are a superhero for doing it with five.

Shannon said...

Ugh, yes, yes, and yes. Elise likes to get up at 4 and party.

When do they start liking to sleep?

Jess said...

Oh no. This is why the concept of counting sheep was invented. So we would stop thinking and just go to sleep. Except it DOESN'T WORK.

Still, the theory is a good one.

Loth said...

Well, at least you didn't end up with vomit in your hair and ears at 3am. That's a positive, isn't it??? Fingers crossed for you that that was an isolated puke episode and not a harbinger of viruses to come.

Marie Green said...

Also, Swistle receives paycheck on Neverday.

Hope today shapes up- I'm with you 100% on the around the clock-ness of this mommy thing.

Anonymous said...

Swistle's travel for work takes her to Nowhere.

Really, you should get to stay in a nice hotel and give a talk on how to recognize imminent barfing. I would go, because I am very much an after-the-fact girl, figuring out the cause of the whining only when my neck is wet and smelly.

Generally when my spouse is on a real business trip.


Slim

Kylene said...

My mom told me she used to lie awake at night thinking about the fire thing, too. There were four of us kids and we slept on the second floor while she and dad slept on the ground floor.

Good luck today!

Kristin.... said...

Shannon~they enjoy sleeping in around age 15.....we have a long wait!
I am blessed with a son who cries for DADDY at 1:30 am and babies who sleep thru the night. I am NOT blessed with healthy kids...son is down with the flu too. We are always on duty.

moo said...

I don't know whether to laugh or groan in sympathy.

But those extra 30 minutes after PK's alarm goes off? Yeah, those are my best sleep moments, too.

ps ... I wish I knew how to turn off my brain when I lay down at night. You figure that out, let me know, ok?

AndreAnna said...

We just finished Barf Fest '08 over here. Hope it was an isolated incident for you.

I can't imagine your nights. You really do amaze me.

annenahm said...

Henry calls for service from the 24-hour cafeteria. He would like a refill on his bottomless cup of milk, purchased 9 months ago.

I laughed. I cried. So true.

Mommy Daisy said...

Ugh, this sounds like torture. And it might be sad to say how thankful it makes me for only one child...who likes to sleep (and rarely gets sick).

kirida said...

Those Target people lied to me. They said all I had to do was fill out an online survey and I could win a $5K giftcard. And she even said that three people in my district had already won. I didn't win and now I'm wondering, how large is my district? Am I in the Western Hemisphere district?

Alice said...

posts like this make me wish i lived near you... i'd totally come babysit for like 5 hours in the middle of the day and let you go skip blissfully through target / rent a hotel room to get some real sleep / get your hair did / whatever.

LoriD said...

There must be something in the air... and it's not sleepy dust. I have been having wretched nights with my guys waking and wanting to share my bed. I am literally a zombie during the day. Good luck with that Target card!

Pickles & Dimes said...

You're really funny on no sleep. I'm sorry your sleep number is negative.

Tessie said...

I really have to wonder why we are wired to need sleep at all during the childbearing years. I mean, where were you on that one, Mother Nature?

d e v a n said...

yikes. What a night! I hope your coffee comes with a mother's helper today.

Erica said...

Perhaps this day requires brownies or oatmeal scotchies.

desperate housewife said...

Swistle's To Do List: Get Henry to sleep. Put twins in play yard with a movie, toys, and snacks.
TAKE NAP.

Magnolia said...

Man, I only have one and he does this stuff too, lately he's been waking up every night and coming to crawl into our overstuffed bed. I am getting used to sleeping with his feet in odd places.

Here's to long naps for you and the twins and Henry today!

laughing mommy said...

So sorry about the lack of sleep. I had to get up with my 2 year old last night too.

"My get up too?"... hilarious!

I'm SO glad I'm not the only one lying awake planning our escape if the house caught on fire.

Jessie said...

Oh man, there's nothing like 3 hours of sleep...If I were you, on that schedule, I'd be looking at the clock around 7:45 a.m. in total surprise that it wasn't time for afternoon naps, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN UP SO FREAKING LONG!!!!
It's so great that kids are totally worth it, otherwise the lack of sleep thing would be the death of me.

Vicky said...

Hope you get some sleep today. My little one has been up teething for a week. Ugghh.

jennifer said...

*heavy sigh*

Maybe one day we mommies will be allowed respite in the form of a relaxing vacation. Or drugs.

Penny said...

I hate those nights, and I only have/had ONE child to deal with.

Hope that coffee is industrial strength.

Katie said...

Oh no. This is just the pits. I hope there is no more barfing and lots more sleeping!

Daycare Girl said...

Wow, that sucks worse than anything has ever sucked before...

I'm very glad though, that there wasn't a line saying something about how Paul woke up saying what a good night sleep he got and how the kids slept well too, huh? Because then you'd really have to kill him.

Kelsey said...

So the bed rest? Maybe not looking so bad this morning. My never-ending shift will resume soon enough.

amanda said...

I had the night of bad dreams (showering in public on the curb with hairy monkey legs (really bad)) and then as I am stumbling into the kitchen to make my cup of coffee for the drive into work, find that i have not pushed the pot all the way in and the water and grinds are all over my counter and floor.

Astarte said...

I do the fire thing, too!! Once I finish stressing out about how to get the kids out, I start worrying about the dogs and cat and hamster.

Man, I don't miss middle-of-the-night crap!! But, Josie has started this night-owl thing, which means that she's up until all hours, which means no privacy ever in the evenings. Dunno if that's good or bad. :)

carrie said...

Hoo boy...I just read your last few entries. I am laughing - totally WITH you - or trying to. If it wasn't all so sad and true...

Really I am just laughing so I don't cry...and drinking a HUGE cup of coffee right now!

Hope your week gets better.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

Oh man. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the barfing to be a random incident rather than a slow descent into BarfLand.

Jess in Nebraska said...

Okay, I'm coming out of de-lurking, where I've been ever since I made some snarky comments during my postpartum emotional roller coaster...to ask for forgiveness for the forementioned snarky comment I made and ask to be accepted back into the world of readers and commenters. I apologize for being moody and hope all will forgive.
I love this post and can relate all to well to minimal sleep...I could stay silent no longer. Forgive me?

Swistle said...

Jess in NE- Welcome back!

Laura said...

I am dealing with a particularly bad case of restless leg syndrome of late which makes for cranky crab mama in the morning. Long nights suck.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Poor Swistle. You needed that coffee, too.

I hope things get better FAST.

the new girl said...

Oh. MAN.

Black Sheeped said...

I like to think about kittens scampering in a sunny meadow, to fall asleep. But sometimes I just worry about stepping off the continental shelf.

Danielle-lee said...

I am sorry! I totally feel your pain! A 2 year old with a leg cast doesn't sleep well, and a mom of a 2 year old with a leg cast gets sick of being up all night. :)

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

How awful does it make me that whenever one of our kids starts vomiting, the VERY FIRST thought in my head is "PLEASE GOD. Let this be limited to them."

I need to drink coffee. I think my life would be substantially more tolerable if I could only get past the heinous taste.

Lisa said...

Delurking to say that, not only have I stayed up thinking of the fire, when my husband was out of town I stood outside measuring to see if it was feasible to lower the kids from the patio cover in a sheet. Seriously. I started reading you when you made a comment on Catherine Newman about the See's candy butterscotch squares, which are my personal faves. Hope that vomit stays contained.

Swistle said...

Jen Trips- I microwave half a mug of milk, then fill it the rest of the way with coffee, then add tons of flavored sweetened coffee creamer. What I should really do is take a caffeine tablet, I guess.

glavach said...

at least you realized the coffee maker wasn't plugged in...that would have been enough for me to give up and go back to bed while the little ones looked for cherrios in the sofa! I love paycheck on Neverday!

launchingsloth said...

Oh no! Looming underwater things in your dreams! Creepy subconscious, always creeping in. Hope last night was better.

KHMcManama said...

Glad I'm not the only one who takes an hour to fall asleep.

And, on the Target front: it's your dream, baby - make it $1,000,000!

Musings of a Mom said...

Someone should really educate new moms that this is what their life will look like for x number of years... I think I might have been more prepared if I knew!