March 19, 2008

Invoice---Please Pay in Brownies

You know what's a dumb idea, while dieting? THIS: "I'm kind of hungry. I think I'll go poke around in the kitchen cabinets and see what I want to eat." By the time your slow, slow brain is saying, "Wait. Hey. Wait. I don't think we're supposed to eat that," your fast clever tummy will be saying, "HA HA TOO LATE!"

Last night I was doing what people do when they're "spoiling for a fight," except I was spoiling for a CHEAT. I saw a cookie recipe that had four ingredients (Bisquick, box of pistachio pudding mix, canola oil, egg), and within 30 seconds I was in the kitchen making them and planning to eat the entire tray with a big cup of cold milk. And then the cookies came out AWFUL (not the recipe's fault: I used sugar-free pudding, which I knew probably wouldn't work because I'd read something about most artificial sweeteners losing sweetness during baking---but I had hopes, and also I had no regular pudding).

They had to be thrown out, and instead of feeling SAVED FROM MYSELF, I went around acting as if now the universe owed me an alternative cheat. If it hadn't been too late in the evening to start baking again, I would have. And the whole diet seemed stupid, and like it's wasn't working, and like it was taking way too long to be worth it.

But then other times, like this morning, I'm admiring the way my jeans are no longer just "less tight" but actually "loose," and I'm holding the waistband away from me the way they do in diet ads, and I'm thinking, "This WORKS. This is amazing. It is WORKING. I am CHANGING SIZE by FORCE OF WILL!" And I walk around all flouncy and cute, feeling like Miss Awesome.

What's frustrating to me is that I can't hang on to the "It is WORKING!" feeling when I'm having the "The universe owes me treats!!!" feeling. In fact, even now I am seeing my weight loss as some sort of debit card: I've paid ahead, and now I am owed all those calories. My jeans are loose; therefore I may eat a batch of brownies.

30 comments:

Linda said...

I am 2 days into the new and improved healthy food and exercise me and I CLIPPED A RECIPE FOR CREAM CHEESE BUTTERSCOTCH BARS from the paper for future cheating.

Pickles & Dimes said...

I totally justify future treats as I'm working out: "I just did 15 minutes of cardio - I totally deserve a huge bowl of chili." Ridiculous.

Congrats on your pants being loose! (Sounds naughty, sorry.)

Mimi said...

I always feel that way after having the stomache flu... I just spent three days throwing up, now look how much I can eat to make up for it! Sheesh.

Maggie said...

I am so with you. I figure if my pants are loose, then I clearly have free reign to eat whatever I want. And I almost see it as being cost effective -- if my pants get too loose then I will need to buy new ones, where as if I eat something yummy instead, then I can just keep the pants I already have!

aoife said...

Could you make yourself some ultra rich sinful brownies (the kind you really can't eat more than one or two with out ralphing) and then freeze them individually? Would they stay good? And then when the universe owed you, you would have a good withdrawal already waiting for you!

Jen said...

Love the 'debit card' idea. That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

Way to go on all that weight loss! Holding your jeans away from your tummy is Awesome Proof that the pain of your diet is working. A cheat here and there isn't going to ruin you! Give in once in awhile, I say. Tomorrow will be easier, surely.

Kristin.... said...

It is quite telling when I switch my homepage from Weight Watchers to my blog.........

And the 5lb bag of M&Ms is calling my name....right now. buhbye

skiplovey said...

Mmmm, please pay in peanut butter brownies with pecans on top - NO wait, forget I said that. Brownies are bad, BAD and loose fitting jeans are good, GOOD!

Meredith said...

Reminds me of when I would go to the ice cream shop right beside my gym after a workout. I mean, I had burned so many calories - one or two scoops wouldn't hurt...After all, aerobic activity raises your overall metabolism.

Also reminds me of how my husband got me to believe that red wine somehow wipes fat out of your arteries. I actually believed it for awhile, but now I just pass it along to friends who worry about wrecking their diets because of their wine intake.

Magnolia said...

gah I know that feeling so well, except with me it's soda's..."well you're in an entirely new size..you can drink all the soda you want!!"

I'm so dumb sometimes.

Nowheymama said...

Ooh--sorry the recipe didn't turn out well. It is good, I promise. Especially with *chocolate* pudding mix. But I didn't say that.

And I'm sorry I led you astray.

Jennifer said...

I HATE this! It happens to me all the time, too. It doesn't help that my husband is one of those who falls prey to the "10 for $1" sales at the supermarket and we wind up with a skillion boxes of cake/brownie mix in our pantry. The fact that I haven't an ounce of will power doesn't help matters much either.

Congrats on the loose pantaloons. That's such a great feeling and if you're like me, you feel like you have a brand new wardrobe because you can fit into things you haven't been able to in a while. I'm totally jealous as I am rocking the ooey gooey muffin top and cannot fit into 99% of what I own.

Someone Being Me said...

Ugh. I made sugar cookies last night from a mix. Oh I wish I hadn't. I have eaten too many cookies. And I was doing so good until then.

Chrissy said...

Oh, the diet dance. I'm familiar with that one. I can imagine after going through the motions of making yourself cookies, it would be hard to just...not have any. I've tried the sugar-free pudding "treat" as well, and it tastes like total poo.

Black Sheeped said...

This is when a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips comes in handy.

You're doing great if your pants are loose! That's awesome! I assume if you're flouncing around you feel good, yes? :) I'm excited for you!

the new girl said...

This is precisely why I don't 'diet,' per se. The act of intentionally restricting my access to certain foods in an of itself triggers this VERY FEELING and I end up CRAZY from it.

Good for you for the loose jeans, though. You're coming out ahead anyway. No one is PERFECT. Right?

Right??

Tessie said...

"Changing size by FORCE OF WILL!" I like it!

Jill said...

What kills me is that my husband can eat, oh, anything he damn well pleases and not gain weight. Which means that we sit down to dinner, or he pours a (bottle) glass of wine, or drags some cookies or something in front of the tv then I just eat right along with him. And my body *loves* its fat stores, which is why I've gained back 10 pounds since we've been married. Um, that's a pound a month. Maybe I should diet along with you? And then when you make brownies, you can send half to me and not feel as badly about cheating. It sounds win/win.

Jenni said...

That's what I love about being perpetually pregnant and nursing. I HAVE to eat, right?

Jess said...

You ARE Miss Awesome. Your will is very forceful.

My Future Treat is our honeymoon, and the accompanying all-included food and drinks. I am so going to gain back all the weight I've lost in a matter of two weeks.

Misty said...

You know, Oprah has said that NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels. And I do believe that on some level. And I WAS just last night (!!!) Complaining how I was disgusting and gross and my Honey was making soothing sounds and saying, "No your not!" and "I think you are beautiful." (God, I love that man.)

Still. I just don't want to. I don't want to give up the yummies and take time away from my family to exercise. I don't want to. I kind of WISH for the evil nasty flu that holds you down for days and steals pounds from your waistline. Because then I don't have to depend on my flimsy mimsy will to make it happen. That is the problem. It is hard and I don't want to exert the energy holding myself back from the cookies.

But I am so proud and in awe of you for doing so. Wish I could. But I don't want to. And that is the whole problem.

Alice said...

heeeee CHANGING SIZE by FORCE OF WILL!

Swistle said...

Misty- Plus, I notice that Oprah still seems to have trouble with her weight. I think it's that it isn't a fair comparison: it's not ONE taste, it's billions and billions!

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Ah yes, the dieting debit idea. So very hard to not want to replace all that you lost with new yummy food!

Maybe take a picture with you holding your pants out and carry that around with you whenever you want to eat something you know you shouldn't? That way you have the instant visual reminder that what you're doing is working!

Just a bizarre thought from the sleep deprived.

LoriD said...

Here is a short article about not denying yourself sweets (I actually watched the original program and it was great!). Anyway, I thought you might be interested.

Danielle-lee said...

I feel the same way as you!! Once I start losing weight, I give myself a treat that has about 20,000 calories in it! I OWE IT to myself, right???

Jennifer said...

Now you need to get a pair of pants that aren't so loose. haha.

I know what you mean, though. It's tough, but sounds like you are doing so well!!

And I have to tell myself, "This will taste good for a few minutes, but the guilt will leave a baaaaaaad aftertaste."

Stimey said...

Losing weight is the hardest thing. Good for you for keeping it up.

launchingsloth said...

I love the "all flouncy and cute, like I'm Miss Awesome" line!

d e v a n said...

Loose jeans are worth it! You can still have brownies. (though maybe not the WHOLE pan or EVERY day or anything.)