January 14, 2008

Ventlet

Paul has the day off from work today. Predictably, I got the kids dressed and fed while he took a shower, because I am ALL EXPLAINED OUT telling him that the bulk of the morning routine has to be done right away. Then he said he was going out on an errand. I still hadn't showered. The errand DID have to be done pretty early and WOULD benefit the entire family, so I said FINE. After all, I usually manage to take a shower without him home, so although it would be NICE to take a shower without having to constantly think of how much soap would still be on me if I had to leap out and drive naked to the emergency room with an injured child, I COULD do the usual anxious version.

In fact....it occurred to me that if Paul went on an errand, I could go to my computer with my coffee, without having to work steadily to emphasize the fact that I and only I was keeping our household afloat. So he left, and I got my coffee, and then I remembered the labor-intensive but delicious cookies I made last night. There were three left over. I'll just have THOSE, too.

Two gone. Smallest cookie left. Not only did he make his own care a priority and then take off, he ATE THE COOKIES.

52 comments:

Tessie said...

This is why it is SO IRRITATING when my husband thinks it's "no big deal" to sleep in an extra hour on the weekends when "I am up anyway". It IS a big deal, JACKASS, because that hour is the LONGEST AND MOST ANNOYING HOUR OF THE DAY.

Maggie said...

Those cookies would have been lonely if you hadn't eaten them. And besides, you were very appreciative of them, so it's only right that you be the one to eat them.

Besides, don't you remember being told never to start the day on an empty stomach, because breakfast was the most important meal of the day? It might not be a nutritious meal, but cookies still count!

Swistle said...

Maggie- HE ate them! I'm going to go edit that to make it clearer.

Welcome to our World said...

Okay this is so opposite at the moment in our house... My husband totally takes on more than I do - let's me sleep in a bit more, check's to see what I have going on, etc BUT I am also pregnant so I think he feels sorry for me. This will likely change the moment that baby comes out ;)

Jess said...

That COOKIE thing. I was already annoyed about how you didn't get to relax in the shower EVEN ONCE and then he ate the cookies. And now I'm grumpy.

Emily said...

See, I read that and thought "well, at least you got to start the day with cookies!"

Then I saw your comment that HE ate them and that is just, so sad. I wish I could send you some cookies.

Erica said...

On the weekends, Gerald typically gets up before Maddie and I do. And he's considerate enough to take the baby monitor to the living room with him. He gets Maddie up and lets me sleep in a little. I appreciate this very much, really I do. But I want to know why this means that he doesn't have to do anything else ALL DAY for Maddie. No feeing, no diapering, NOTHING. And if I have the audacity to mention it, he's all "Well, I let you sleep in EVERY WEEKEND!"

If he starts eating my cookies, I'm getting a lawyer.

Erica said...

That "No feeing" is supposed to be "No feeding." It's early and I'm only halfway thru my first cup of coffee.

SP said...

OH NO!!!!!

Damn Men and their cookie eating ways!

Daria said...

Wow, while I do feel very sorry for your cookie loss, my DH is so much worse. We have 2 kids and he STILL claims he is a night owel, so on the weekends he stays up till 5 am and then sleeps till 4pm. And he has the balls to complain that my mom visits every weekend to help out. I only keep him because he is a great dad when he is awake, usually ...

Daria said...

Oh AND if there is anything sweet in the house my " I am on a diet" husband will eat it. Like the whole container of ice cream he ate for midnight snack last night ... I think he might have started on the second one.
yeah

nikki said...

Oh no he didn't!!!! That's why I hide my fave foods.

Jess said...

OOOHHHHH.... That's bad. That's really bad. Showering and cookies are two of my most favorite things. I'm thinking he takes the kids this afternoon while you take a nap.

Jessa said...

DAMN HIM! I can't believe he had the nerve to at the cookies too! LOL

kimmothy said...

I'm not a mom, but I am a wife, so I can relate to this story too. After I spent several hours cleaning yesterday, he came in from the great outdoors and immediately started flinging dirt everywhere. I said, "After 12 years, are you still new here?"
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM???

Someone Being Me said...

Ugh. Can I vent too? My husband took my son to daycare for the 2nd time in 6 months today so I could make it to work on time. I asked him to please clarify a question I had about our daycare bill. I finally called him at 9:30 to follow up and he said he talked to the bookkeeper but he didn't understand what she was telling him about our discount so I need to call and talk to her. Seriously? Is it that hard to say what do I owe today? GRR....

mrsgryphon said...

You are very much NOT alone in this, Swistle. I won't go into the whole sordid story, but Husband and I basically had "discussions" about this very topic all weekend. GRRRRRR.

Misty said...

I just don't know how you do it. I would be so so frustrated and then lash out.

Because that is a bad bad thing. Do YOU ever get to go on an errand and take a long shower whilst he does all the work? Really? Does that EVER happen?

Melissa said...

My "dh" behaves the same way. Men!

Cari said...

I cannot believe that he ate your cookies. It's almost worse that he thought he was being "nice" by leaving you the little one.

Just because you normally do everything in the universe by yourself doesn't mean that you should still have to do it when there is someone there to "help".

-R- said...

Oh, eating the cookies is one (two? one per cookie?) step too far!

Saly said...

Am I the only one who is stuck on what kind of cookies? I guess I am.

Hubs usually lets me sleep in on one weekend day. But he also never helps eaither child in the bathroom if I am home. I don't think it's a fair trade.

The Bargain Shopper Lady said...

That is why I um well, hide the cookies from everyone and make hubs his favorite dessert at the same time, so he won't eye the cookies too. Cute blog!

Artemisia said...

Oh, dear god in heaven.

I don't know how you do it. I would constantly be keeping tabs on how much help I felt like I was or wasn't getting.

You are a better woman than me. I'd like to send you some cookies. JUST FOR YOU.

Eleanor Q. said...

Seriously?! The shower thing was toying with the line but eating the cookies put him way over. So not cool.

Farrell said...

Well I guess he's not gettin' any for a while.
SERVES HIM RIGHT.

Jeninacide said...

BASTARDO!

So, last night I made the brownies from Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious cookbook, they have Spinach and Carrots in them... My hubby hasn't TOUCHED them..

Wait- come to think of- neither have I.

So, maybe you should put Spinach in your cookies...

Or... NOT.

Bunny said...

They just don't GET IT. The children are on the periphery of men's attention and their self-centric nature just doesn't allow them to think of anything else except their own agenda first. In my own marraige I have come to accept that this is just the way he is and I will forgive him for that, but eating the last of the cookies? Oh no! I WOULD NOT forgive that!

samantha jo campen said...

Okay. I was cruisin' for a bruisin' already this morning and this sealed the deal.

Shall I swing by? With cookies for you and an ass-kicking for Paul?

Sleepynita said...

Men. Ugh can't live with them, can't get pregnant without them.

Last night I had the freezing cold shakes so bad I was in tears, so no doubt I am getting sick right? This morning I wake up with every part of my body aching, a fever and a raging headache. Yet I get up at 7am with the kid while he sleeps in, as usual. At 9am I went to ask for some help because I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE and needed a rest - and he had the nerve to say that he only gets to stay in bed when he is sick because he needs to get better because he works for a living.

WTF?

I am on duty 24/7 and I work part time NIGHTS in a hospital. Yet, for the first time in 3 years I am legit knocked over sick and he makes it seem like it is my fault? (Plus it is his day off, yesterday he did all "his stuff" am I not entitled to a rest to get better today because I am alone again tomorrow?)

And the dingbat wants more kids too. Go figure. Wonder how much help he will be with 2 of them running around.

Lucky men don't have vaginas.

d e v a n said...

Dammit.
I erased my comment. It was long too.

Eating cookies = bad. Bad Paul.

Mary said...

i'm pretty sure that that is a justifiable cause for murder and would be held up in a court of law. Just make sure to get yourself an all female jury and you're outta there!

Tracy said...

I have found in my household that even when he IS home, somehow I never get to get ready completely without someone coming and bothering me.
Oh and the subject of the cookies, they have no clue. I have actually taken to hiding chocolate in our other refrigerator so when he eats the last chocolate, I have reserves. Maybe you can start seperating the batches and hiding yours.

Fay said...

Good lord. You people need to demand more from your husbands! They made those babies too! GAAAH

Omaha Mama said...

Survivor: Swistle Island

Hide the cookies!

Katie said...

Tonight I was washing the dishes (after I MADE THE DINNER), but I was happy because the whiny toddler was in the basement with her father.

Next thing I know, I hear the basement door open and I hear my husband say, "THERE SHE IS! There's Mama!" Whiny toddler came over and tried to pull the steak knives out of the dishwasher.

And, husband wondered why I seemed "grumpy," because I do this stuff by myself when he's out of town (which is half of every week.)

"EXACTLY! THAT IS WHY I EXPECT IT TO BE BETTER/DIFFERENT WHEN YOU ARE HOME!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Sorry. I just meant to say I feel your pain.

Swistle said...

Fay- I KNOW. But if you demand and they don't comply, what are you going to do? Fire them?

In his defense, Paul does a LOT of crap around here, including playing with the kids while I'm blogging. It's just periodically he pisses me off in a little fireworks display of thoughtlessness.

janet said...

the NERVE!!!!!

Maggie said...

Oh I am RETARDED. Literate? Me, not so much. I can't believe that HE ATE the cookies. That's wrong. It makes me feel like I need to send you cookies to eat in front of him and not share. Just to make the point.

Swistle said...

Maggie- No no! It was my wording that was 100% to blame. It looked EXACTLY as if I was saying that I'D eaten two cookies. I fixed it. (I hope.)

the new girl said...

I almost whipped a shampoo bottle at my husband's head last night when after an ENTIRE WEEKEND DAY that looked EXACTLY LIKE A WEEKDAY (re: He was working on house stuff [that needed to be done] all day all day) I said, 'I'm going to get a shower.'

To which he replied, 'Well, hurry up.'

Whooot?

Only the sheer exhaustion saved him from the hurling of the bottle.

But the cookies? UNACCEPTABLE.

Erin said...

Whoa. That is majorly WRONG. Sorry about that. You deserve, like, a whole pint of dove ice cream. Right NOW.

Kelsey said...

The cookies would have put me over the edge too.

The Mommy Years said...

Oh hell but no

I don't know if it's better or worse that my husband seems to match about 30 others around here ....

Fay said...

Hey, see there? :) A little "in his defense" was what I was hoping to see. Sorry if I was rude. Was I?

Long as you're keeping track of the balance, is all. We worry, out here on the internets.

Swistle said...

Fay- I deliberately don't do a "balance," mostly because I think it's annoying when other people do: following a good venting anecdote with, "Of course I love him to death..." etc. Boring and lame.

Emblita said...

I'm mad just from reading that post. If my husband would do that to me, I'd probably explode.
You show a remarkable restraint Swistle my dear.

Stacie said...

I make the assumption that you must love the shower hogging cookie eating jerk because, um, 5 kids. You didn't get those from the baby fairy.

But, really, no matter how much you love someone HE ATE THE COOKIES.

I have found that announcing "you are taking the kids out of the house so I can get a break" sometimes works. Sometimes.

Fay said...

Hee! :) Well I meant, more of the balance between the two of you as far as the day-to-day (which is, I admit, none of my business), not the balance of words in your entries.

MH said...

Wait- have I just discovered that MY husband is living a double life as your husband too? The bastard!

Woman with a Hatchet said...

That...! That bastard! (Only meant in the light hearted outraged sense, of course.)

Too harsh?

Cookie stealing rat!

mpotter said...

oh man. i can relate to how badly that stinks. The Mr. inevitably likes to take the last of something. Sometimes even something he doesn't "care" about.

his response usually consists of:
"well, it's been in there for a week!".... but i wasn't ready yet.

i've had to start saying:
that's MY ________ and i'll "hide" it.

i let it be known it will be the death of him if he should take it.

by the way, thanks for visiting. i appreciated your comment. the conclusion is posted (tho not very well written)