January 2, 2008

Too Hot to Handle

I'm so angry, I have a horrible adrenaline feeling in my throat, and my hands are cold and trembling, and my mouth is dry. And part of me would love to vent about it, but it's on my (short) list of topics to never, ever talk about. Every time I slip and talk about it anyway, I'm very, very sorry. It's one of my own Too Hot Issues.

Do you know how to find your own Too Hot Issues? I'll tell you how. It's when everyone on the other side of the issue seems like a raving, drooling moron, and you want to strangle every single one of them.

That's not compatible with my usual life outlook, which is that it's fine and natural for people to have different opinions, and that different lives are right for different people. Do I think you should be married, have five children, live in a raised ranch, and drive a minivan? Only if you want to, and there are a zillion other good lives if that life doesn't appeal to you. But do I think you should be on the same side of the Too Hot Issue as me? YES YES YES AND IF YOU'RE NOT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. See? Incompatible. I can't even tell you what the Too Hot Issue IS, because you might tell me where YOU stand--and even if you don't, I'll IMAGINE you telling me. It's TOO HOT for me to touch.

This leaves me with a problem. Usually, talking things out is one of my best tools for getting over a grouse. I was a roiling mass of acid over the Target Christmas tree until I told you about it, and after that I felt released from it: I went and cheerfully deleted all the correspondence I'd been keeping for my imaginary lawsuit, and I stopped thinking about it every time I thought of Christmas, and I stopped composing mental scripts for my imaginary service desk confrontation, and I just felt BETTER, you know? It was as if I did $25 worth of venting, and now I could let the wasted $25 go. I mean, I still resent it, but I can see it as a blip rather than as THE END OF ALL JOY.

Well, you know what ELSE helped with the Christmas tree crabbiness was shopping the 75% off section at Target. Which is what I did to try to deal with today's useless rage, especially since I'm not talking it out---even with PAUL, who is on THE SAME SIDE (but he draws the line at strangling the opposition, and if you are not FOR me you are AGAINST me). Anyway. I got something new at Target. Want to see? I finally found a Countdown to Christmas Calendar thingie I like, and it was 75% off:


Many such calendars are one-time-use, or they have not taken into account that a person might need adequate storage for FIVE little surprises each night before Christmas. This unit is of iffy quality (I found seven of them at two different Targets, and four of the seven had missing doors), but there's room in each little cupboard for more than one item.

46 comments:

Jess said...

I SO, SO want to know what the issue is. Could you post something saying what it is and then turn off the comments? Or would people just email you then? Also, even though I am dying of curiosity I secretly admire you for being able to contain yourself even while you are simultaneously this angry. You have remarkable self-control.

Mimi said...

Oh, I am so curious what your too hot issue is. Whatever it is, I'm sure I agree with you 100%!

fairydogmother said...

Not too long ago I stumbled across a blog that is useful for this exact situation! It is one of those blogs where people can submit their post and it is posted anonymously. So you can vent to your heart's content without "outing" yourself.

Can I remember what it is called or where I found it right now? Of course not. But I will surf around and let you know the moment I figure it out, if you would like.

Also ditto what Jess said about your self-control and what Mimi said about agreeing with you 100%.

Pregnantly Plump said...

Sorry you are so upset, but I understand what you mean about not wanting other folks' opinions. The 12 days of Christmas thing looks neat, and I'm glad to see you and Target are apparently over your "break."

Maggie said...

I am in agreement with you - there are very few (but still some) things that I absolutely CANNOT talk about, because if someone doesn't drop to their knees in agreement with me, I will totally lose my mind. And since I almost never get angry, losing my mind is an ugly, ugly prospect.

And since I can't talk about it without flipping out, I sit and stew instead. Because, you know, THAT always helps...or not...

I hope things simmmer down soon. And I have to agree with jess - I am totally dying to know what the issue is. But I totally understand why you aren't saying.

JMC said...

Now, that's just not fair. Here we readers were, perfectly happy, without a care in the world, when suddenly... ooooooohhhhhh, a HOT ISSUE!!! Read, read... Wow, so hot she hates to even talk about it (but we're thinking she will, at this point we could possibly even be salivating). Read, read... WTF?!?!? SHE'S NOT GOING TO SAY?!?!? So now, we previously perfectly happy, totally ignorant of the fact that you had an issue, readers, are DYING to know what the hot issue is. DYING, I tell you. In however long it took us to read your post, we went from perfectly happy to DYING. Now, really, is that fair?

amy said...

That is omgsocute and how practical?!!! We have a Santa that you move a little (marshmallowman? snowman? creepy white gingerbread man?) from each numbered pocket... but no room for goodies.

Nellyru said...

HAHAHA...well said jmc, AND I AGREE!! *keels over dead*

Natalie said...

Swistle, I would never ever disagree with you, so could you please tell us what the issue is? I like Jess's idea.

I get the hot issue thing. I got very close to outing one of mine on my blog last night, and I decided to zip it up because even though I'm fairly certain 80 percent of my readers (that means five people) would have agreed with me; I would have a. offended 20 percent of them, and b. been mad that they didn't agree with me.

That said, I saw those at Advent things at Target, too. I bought a wooden one from one of those bath and beyond or linens and things or whatever last year, and I think they all pretty much have their downfalls. Number 25, quite conveniently, has problem staying on the hinge (if you could call it that). But the kiddo LOVES it so it's all good. :)

Sorry about the horrendous run-on sentence action I've got going on today.

Mairzy said...

Ha, I'm sorry you're mad, but it's great to know that other people have Those Issues where you can't be reasonable although you know you should. Too bad it doesn't do any good to vent to Paul, although it probably would go like conversations with my husband: "So, what is it you want me to disagree with you on?"

I completely agree that it's best not knowing where all your friends stand on This Issue. I find the world is a happier place if you don't know everybody's opinions.

Erica said...

I totally understand the Hot Issue - simultaneously wanting to talk about it and never wanting to hear a word about it again forever and ever and ever.

You're lucky that you only have a few of them. I have lots of them. I'm fairly certain that says something unflattering about my character, but I'm going to ignore that, ok?

Swistle said...

Jess- No good! I'd know people were THINKING comments!

Fairydogmother- But even if I were anonymous, I'd get comments! And I'd hate them! Unless they totally agreed with ME ME ME!

Maggie- That is SO EXACTLY it: they must drop to their knees or I will lose my mind.

JMC- I KNOW! You're completely right! It is so unfair! I would be SO PISSED if another blogger did it! I'd be like, "Either spill it or shut it, sister!"

Nellyru said...

Swistle!! You saw it, too! Over at Jonniker! She mentioned...a...a...a BABY! OMG, could you just do a little jig RIGHT NOW??

donna said...

Dying of curiosity but you know, whatever.

I saw that calendar too and vowed I would get it when it went on clearance but I seem to have missed them at my Target. Darn it!

the new girl said...

Swistle!

How can you do it? I'm so intrigued, now.

Remember when I told you that you were mysterious and all? And that I thought that you might really be Bat-Girl?

This is why. I think you're mad at a villian. Right? Like the Joker. Or the Riddler.

Or Mr. Freeze.

Swistle said...

Erica- YES, that's it: wanting to talk about it, and also wanting NEVER TO TALK/HEAR ABOUT IT AGAIN.

Nellyru- I KNOW!!! And she was all casual about it, just THROWING IT OUT THERE like it was nothing!

Marie Green said...

Now we are all going to badger you about your HOTT TOPIC. Badger. Badger.

Also, I have a Advent calendar similiar to the one you have (also purchased at Target). Mine is shorter and wider and rustic wood with red trim. I like it, but sometimes had a hard time putting things into it- I felt like suddenly my children were associating Christmas with chocolate, and while that certainly is a viable association, there is MORE to the Christmas spirit, ya know?

So, next year, you'll have to share all of your (sure to be) fabulous little "treats" so I can steal some of your ideas!

baby~amore' said...

Count me in too ...you could always put it in invisible ink - so only a few would know. So, so intrigued.
I an in awe of your calender thingy too - jealous we don't anything like it in OZ.

nikki said...

Wow.....trust me, after seeing your reaction to your TOO HOT ISSUE I promise I am on your side whatever the TOO HOT ISSUE is, unless it's like clubbing baby seals, then you are totally on your own.

Swistle said...

Marie Green- Hang on a sec. *removing badger from ankle* Okay, I'm back. I'm ALREADY out of ideas for the countdown calendar. I don't think I'd thought past the idea of obtaining one. Now I'm thinking, "Hmmm .... M&Ms! That'd be perfect! And also .... um ...." and I'm done. I did think some of them could also hold the first clue to a treasure hunt.

Trina N. said...

I am with everyone else. You can't just freak out about a hot issue and not spill it. Seriously. Because even though we don't "know" you, we do know you and love you. So, spill it sister. Or, how about you just tell us the issue without telling us what side you are on and don't allow comments on the post (can you do that? I am not a blogger so I don't know).

Tracy said...

Some of us live through you. You can't have a juicy topic and not share!

Laura said...

You know, I totally agree with you on the not wanting to talk about it but still wanting to vent like heck about it. I made that mistake on my own blog a month or so ago and now I can't help thinking that some people either A. look at me totally differently or B. think they know the whole thing beginning to end....argggh. It felt good for the moment(s) that I brought it up but, in the end, kind of mired me in this whole "I don't want to talk about it anymore so stop bringing that word up" kind of feeling. I commend you.

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

Write down the issue as an anonymous comment on a blog somewhere. Then, it will be released and you will be absolved.

See? Problem solved.

carrie said...

if we promise not to comment? pretty please?

we also bought one of the advent "houses" (before they were on clearance) and i got little ornaments and a tiny tree. my girls got a huge kick out of "decorating" their own tree each day. the 25th had the star for the top of the tree of course! it was fun, i hope it makes it for a few years!

lisa said...

"You're killing me Smalls" (does anyone remember the movie The Sandlot? Ok...just me then?) Seriously- this is just plain mean. Could you email it to me? Or could you just put a disclaimer out there( kind of like you have to do with husbands) that you are just looking to have someone *listen* not respond.

JMH said...

Swistle: I totally understand your rage and your reason why you won't spill. One of my hot topics is certain people running for President, so I am in for a LONG, angry 2008. Also, I won't promise to agree with you since I may or may not agree with you. Still friends though, right :)

Laura said...

jmh--if your "certain people" is the same as my certain people, you are so not alone in that.

Tessie said...

Well, it's not CHILD BATHING, is it?

I am nosy and want to know, but of course you cannot do it. The comments and emails. Would haunt you all the days of your life.

That calendar is SO CUTE. You could do all kinds of candy! M&Ms! Gummi bears! Seasonal Hershey Kisses! Of course if you're into NON-FOOD rewards, I have nothing.

Nowheymama said...

Would it help if you wrote about it but didn't publish? Sometimes just getting your thoughts out and on paper (or onscreen) helps.

Jessica said...

I completely understand about your hot issue. Dying of curiousity but fully understanding.

I have an idea for you for your new calendar. It is free, easy and hugely popular at our house where I obtained a similar calendar for cheap on ebay a few years ago. I can't take personal credit for it, though, because I stole it out of a magazine. Instead of a little treat for each child, I give each child a little personalized note about something fun/Christmas related that we are going to do that day. Almost all of the "fun things" are things I had to do anyway, like get out the Christmas music and pick out our favorite songs, make cookies or put the lights on the house, etc. Some of the notes talk about Advent service projects we are going to do, like caroling at the nursing home. On the lamer days I add in small candies or stickers. I type the notes and save the file so that I can recycle some for the next year. My kids race to get their morning notes and it was especially good this year for my beginning reader.

Fine For Now said...

That is such a cute calendar, what a great idea for your family!

Lauren said...

I need to find the site that lets you vent. I have a TOO HOT ISSUE too, and im in the midst of it right now, and all I want to do is blog about it...unfortunately the consequences of blogging would be more dire than keeping it all in (which is exCRUCIATINGLY painful btw).

I feel for you hon, and good for you for showing such restraint!!

Emblita said...

I understand your reluctance to start a HOT TOPIC debate- that may turn vicious. But at the same time AM-DYING-INSIDE-FROM-CURIOSITY! I would like to know what topic can get you so riled up.

Cute calender! I want one too :(

Mairzy said...

My husband did an Advent calendar for the kids one year. He made it out of posterboard and little manilla envelopes. His enthusiasm was very cute... but moving on. He put in stickers, little dollar-store toys, and coins among other things. And there's always room for slips of paper, where you could write notes, jokes, or (if you're really desperate) warnings from Santa like, "I don't come to houses where the kids have messy rooms," which would really amp up the holiday spirit.

Mairzy (who as usual has lots of ideas that she doesn't technically use herself.)

Kristin H said...

Would you say you are feeling apopolectic? I love the word apopolectic.

Also: love the calendar!

Alice said...

AAAHHH SO FRUSTRATED but i totally understand where you're coming from. for my own Hot Issue, people can literally be agreeing with me and i still hate everyone and everything and even if we're on the same side THEY JUST DON'T GET IT and i want to shoot magma out my eyeballs at everyone. so.. uh.. yeah, i get it, is i guess my point.

also sooo cute on the advent calendar! love.

Michele said...

Her Bad Mother has a Basement where you can submit annonymous rants, issues and confessions. I havent checked it out in a while but it is aa great space to vent. I guess you just email her directly because I dont see a place on the site to submit.

http://herbadmother.blogspot.com/

Farrell said...

xbRant haven. Create a new user name that doesn't identify you with say, hotmail or something.
http://www.ranthaven.com/wordpress

She Likes Purple said...

Oh I love that advent. I didn't see one at my Target. Boo.

Mrs. M said...

love the advent calendar!! so much that I have it too!!!!!!

Shelly said...

Oh my God, tessie, Child Bathing! I am now hiding in fear! I started that whole fiasco. And I apologize again, Swistle.

Marie Green said...

Yes, I was the same, not thinking past OBTAINING one.

We did mostly little treats- gum, gumdrops, whatever I could dream up at the last minute. M&M's. There were a few days when we left them a note to "look under the tree" for a surprise. It was stuff we were going to give them anyway, like Christmas dresses, or their new fancy "ruby slippers". Stuff we couldn't give them as GIFTS b/c they needed it before Christmas. They thought that was fun and cool.

On mine, the box for the 25th is bigger than the rest so I put their yearly new Christmas ornament in it. That may be a tradition.

Next year, we'll have to swamp ideas. =)

(Also, I was not able to fill them ahead of time like I thought I would, b/c the temptation, oh dear heavens the temptation. It was too much for 5 year olds. =)

Marie Green said...

I should also mention, the "tradition" of putting a Christmas ornament in box 25 was a HUGE disappointment. They wanted CHOCOLATE or CANDY or ANYTHING EDIBLE.

Too bad, kiddos. I'm in control of the boxes AND our traditions! *ahaahaahaahaa*

Jessica said...

You could even take the anonymous post idea one step further and have an anonymous blog with no comments on it. Then it's been vented and no one's the wiser.

Katie said...

We have an advent cupboard thing like that (just got it this year) but I can't figure out WHAT to put in it (besides candy)....we need to brainstorm, people!