January 4, 2008

Things That Make Me Feel Old

I've gotten interested in birds. I suggested to Paul that we should get a bird guide so we'd know what they were.

When I hear about a problem with teenagers parked in cars, I side with the police and the parents and the nearby homeowners.

I have lines like a child's drawing of a sunshine coming from the outer corners of my eyes.

I wish people wouldn't walk on our lawn.

I hate cars blasting music as they drive by.

I call it "blasting."

Cars full of teenagers make me nervous.

The Boxcar Children now seems scary to me (those kids are ON THEIR OWN!! OH NO!!") rather than thrilling.

The skin on my upper arms is starting to look...different.

Snow Days are bad news.

Some of the people in celebrity magazines look like children to me. Silly, full-of-themselves children, preening and damaging their characters by hearing about how "hot" they are.

I think about people's characters.

I'm nearly the age my high school boyfriend's mother was when I was dating him.

If I'd had a baby at 16, the baby would be able to vote in this year's election.

If I had a baby next year, I'd be high-risk because of "advanced maternal age."

40 comments:

JMC said...

Okay, now I feel REALLY old, because I had a baby in 2006, and was considered high-risk because of advanced maternal age.

Jess said...

I am, I think, 10 years younger than you, and many of those items apply to me too. We heard this talk about birds when we were at the Everglades and it was fascinating, and then we ran around trying to identify all the birds. Also, I call it "blasting" too, and I hate it.

So does this mean that I should also start feeling old?

bevo said...

The absolute most fabulous thing in life (or close to it) is when your CHILDREN think in the manner you have just expressed. When your offspring complain about "blasting" you know your day has come! Then you feel utter relief and rejoice in your age! I'm telling you - don't worry about getting old - the best is yet to come!

Tessie said...

When my parents were my age, they had a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old.

That Advanced Maternal Age thing just blows my mind. 35 seems so YOUNG! How can it be? But it is! We are designed to have babies at a completely inappropriate age! GAH!

Nellyru said...

I would have put off having another baby by another ten years or so, but that "advanced maternal age" thing made me decide this year would be better. (Only 35 more weeks to go! Ha! Cracking myself up.)

AndreAnna said...

One of the new girls at the office, fresh out of college, in her pressed suit and pointy toe shoes, didn't know who Fleetwood Mac was.

I shed a tear.

Banana said...

Bird watching and not walking on the lawn are my favorite of your old age indicators.

jen said...

I think the bird watching made me laugh most. I thought this was going to be Swistle Gets a Parakeet. I can't get parakeets because I like my ceiling fans ON all the time, but I digress.

Before I had kids even, I used to get SO MAD when these kids would park in front of our house to just chat. Go park somewhere else! *shakes fist*

nikki said...

I don't mind it when kids walk on my lawn, it's the riding of their bikes on my lawn that makes me twitch.

Joanne said...

At least you have five kids already! I was "elderly primigravida" at my FIRST visit to the OB/GYN when I was pregnant with my first. I am delivering my second 2 months before my 40th birthday, so now I'm "elderly multigravida". When I had my first son, the anesthesiologist asked me if I had 'any other health problems' besides the 'fact that I was 37'. I would have smacked him if he wasn't the one between me and my epidural. To me, you are just a whippersnapper and don't you forget it! :)

Swistle said...

Jess- You are never too young to feel old! I think even 34 is a little young to "be old," but FEELING old? That's for EVERYONE!

Tessie- I KNOW! And when I had my first baby at 25, everyone was talking about how I was SO YOUNG, PRACTICALLY A BABY MYSELF. Is there NO WINNING here?

Artemisia said...

Oh, this rings so true. Jesus.

Emily said...

If it helps any, I'm 24 and get really annoyed with the "blasting" too. Actually any kind of loud, obnoxious noise (car alarms, etc.) gets me up in arms.

Up in arms?? Oh my gosh--who says that? Yet I can find no other phrase to relay what I mean.

Karly said...

You don't want people to walk on your lawn? Dang, Swistle. You ARE gettin' old. ;)

d e v a n said...

LOL @ the bird guide. I can relate to A LOT of those, and it makes me feel old and I still have 3 years to 30.
My brother had never heard of Boys to Men, and that made me feel old.

Saly said...

Sigh. I hate it when the neghbor kids and their friends are out on the porch at 10PM.

And fireworks after the 4th of July....definite no no.

Also, I hate it when anyone who isn't me is parked in front of our house.

I'm am old, it is true. 29 is the new 85, I guess.

Pickles & Dimes said...

I hate it when the neighbor kids play on our lawn. I know that makes me crotchety and I know we're one of the few houses on the block without kids, but I still hate it.

I'm with you on the birds. Ahem, we now have five bird feeders. Help me. (Also, if you do buy a book? Get one that features birds in your geographical location so you don't annoy your husband with claims of seeing an exotic, rare Southeastern Nutpecker.)

CMC said...

This blows my mind, but when I turned 34, the only thing I thought was that if I had another baby, that I would be AMA--Advanced Maternal Age... ughh. I had my first baby at 21 and the last at 29.. I don't feel that old, but I guess I am. Oh well.

Julie said...

My 5-year old told me the other night that old people need Life Alert and she was going to order a Life Alert button for me. Because what if I fell down and nobody was home? I could press my Life Alert button. What if my body was on fire? I could press my Life Alert button. And she was totally serious. Plus I've been on AARP's mailing list...by mistake...since I turned 35 several years ago. They keep wondering why I haven't signed up for AARP's great benefits? Now that stuff makes me feel old!

Welcome to our World said...

Sigh they told me I was advanced for this second pregnancy... all worries and high risk BS. I said my mother had me 34 years ago in 1973 and holy crap I was only mildly harmed by being birthed by such an ancient mother ;)

Ah but I hear you... the music in cars going by loudly drives me out of this world but I am pretty such I was one of those "kids" doing that once upon a time... I also hate hate hate trucks and cars with loud engines. The bird books (we own two and about fifteen bird feeders AND and a pair of binoculars...) Wow. I swear I am 34 not 54...

Susan said...

Ha! I'm 28 and feel frightfully old. When New Year's Eve rolled around, I just thought everyone going out to watch the fireworks and get smashed was an annoying teenage wannabe and all *I* wanted was an early night! I was actually somewhat miffed when we started getting NYE invites and hurriedly informed the hosts we would NOT be staying late. Who am I, Great Aunt susan?? sheesh.

I think having kids does it to you. I had my first at 23 (yes, that made me qualify for the 'young mums' program- read: wayward, going-nowhere-fast teenagers- despite the fact i was married and had two degrees. You're right, Swistle- you really cannot ever win!), and have felt old since. I think it's a combination of fatigue, increased responsibilty and a daily reminder that you are not the next generation anymore.

Feener said...

i will be 40 this year. i honestly do not feel 40 but in many ways - like you mentioned I am old. MTV is a crying shame to me. it is all SEX and crap and bad stuff.

Mairzy said...

I like the point about thinking about celebrities' characters intead of their bodies. :)

I'm barely in my 30s and just being around teenagers makes me want to sit them down and intone, "The things you consider important in your life are actually extremely trivial and you're wasting a lot of time on it, and furthermore when you play those cute games like 'Oh, look, I stole your hat now you have to get it back AGAIN' just so you can touch each other you makes rational adults tired."

Plus just the idea of staying out past 11 p.m. gives me a headache. Pretty old, that.

Cherry said...

Im 24 and Im with you on everything except for the birds...

Tracy said...

I will be 32 on Tuesday. I have had two kids and my idea of a wild night is two scoops of ice cream and a good Netflix movie. I am so old. I think the boyfiends mother comment made me laugh the most. I do believe my HSBF's mother was about my age..So old! EMBRACE IT! Someone has to take over for our parents right?

Shelly Overlook said...

I'm so with you on this one. At my age, my mother had a 16 year old. I cannot imagine myself parenting a 16 month old right now, let alone a 16 year old. I was advanced maternal age when I had Peanut last year which seems ridiculous, but it meant I got a lot more ultrasounds than "normal", so woo.

Penny said...

crap, there are upper arm skin issues to worry about ?!?

Laura said...

I had my daughter at 19 but, now that she is graduating this year, I am thinking of telling people I had her at 12...or that she is my sister. Would that be bad?

On the cars with the music. Oh. I. Hate. It. and want to ram my car into their back ends when I am behind them...or run out of the house and slash the tires for having their "music" rattle my windows. I have told the little "cool" middle schoolers who smoke and swear on the way home, past my house to take it somewhere else. Which, I am sure, makes me the grumpy old lady (at all of 37) on my street.

launchingsloth said...

What a great post!

Another scary, scary fact: a child born in 1992 can now DRIVE.

amber said...

Hmm. I agree about 'blasting' and teenagers in cars. And I just turned 26. I think it's only natural to be alarmed by cars full of hormonal kids with loud music and potential DRUGS. Oh, and you know what else scares me? They now make METH that looks like POP ROCKS. I feel sad, and I will never eat pop rocks again.

Ser said...

I have recently noticed myself being attracted to construction workers. A sign of aging if ever there was one.

Then there are my aching hips.

Also, we were dorm parents for a few years, and I remember the first year when we threw an 80's snack break with fruit roll ups and capri suns and 80's music and were met with mostly blank stares.

Melissa Haworth said...

If it cheers you up my mom tells me Target went to 90% off Christmas today....

Pann said...

You are only as old as you feel. Having five children might make me feel old!

I don't feel too old, but then again, I'm currently hanging around a retirement community where the youngest residents are in their sixties, but most people are 75+.

Vicky said...

I feel old when I heard my favorite Pearl Jam song played on way back weekend. It doesn't seem that long ago to me.

Anonymous said...

When do you officially qualify for "advanced maternal age"? And what gets you put in the "high risk" category in regards to your age and how many kids you have?

Katie said...

Oh my god. You like BIRDS? You are so elderly!!!!!

(But, I agree with you on all of these things).

Swistle said...

Anonymous- Age 35 is when the risk of Things Going Wrong goes sharply up on the little graph, so if you'll be 35 or older when you deliver, you buy yourself a "high-risk" designation. Depending on the practice's policies, this can mean things such as extra/earlier ultrasounds and extra/earlier tests/screenings.

BlueBella said...

Great list, doll . . .. wow, but I wouldn't say we're OLD, I'd just say we're not YOUNG anymore :)

Omaha Mama said...

Great topic. I've been feeling "old" recently, having entered a new decade of life. Your blasting comment made me chuckle. I say chuckle.

There are celebrities that make me feel old. They seem old to me and then I see their age and realize they are but my age and look at what they've accomplished and oh my gosh. I'm old.

natalie said...

Teenagers scare the ever-loving crap out of me. I was in the mall recently (imagine that), eating at the food court and talk about teenage wasteland. They all seemed to be "rebellious" and they scared me. Those darn whippersnappers.

I'm close to you in age (two years younger - neener neener), so I can relate. The arm thing especially. And not just because I'm fat. Oh and the wrinkles around the eyes? Those are MY laugh lines since they are conveniently located where my "eyes smile". Mother Nature has a very sick sense of humor.