January 26, 2008

Mondays are Bad Enough Already

Well, listen. I'm sorry to have to say this, so I'll just say it outright: I'm going on a diet. It's a betrayal of all we hold dear: mint chocolate brownies, creamy chicken casseroles, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, oatmeal scotchies, Dove Give In To Mint ice cream. And so I clutch your hands in mine, looking earnestly into your eyes and hoping you'll understand.

I hate dieting. I hate exercising. I spend time writing in a journal like a teenager, wondering if I can possibly live a happy life without being able to eat as much as I want of whatever I want. There is going to be a lot--A LOT--of whining. You will think to yourself, "Is she dieting, or giving up crack? Because BEEZUS."

Right about now, some of you are feeling a rising urge to tell me that the key is NOT to diet, but rather to Make a Lifestyle Change! Do you know what a "lifestyle change" IS to me? It is a PERMANENT DIET. So that concept is not one that COMFORTS me as I stand here on the doorstep of the Diet House, preparing to ring the doorbell.

35 comments:

Omaha Mama said...

Share it all! I've fallen off a caloric cliff this weekend and need to get back on the wagon. I need a diet too. And wonder how to live it for more than a week or two at a time. I haven't mastered the "life style change" part of a diet yet. And am still trying to figure it all out at my other place.
http://findingmeinhere.blogspot.com

Oh, and GOOD LUCK!

d e v a n said...

Good luck to you!! May the pounds fall off quickly and permanantly.

Anna said...

I am doing the Extreme Fat Smasher Diet by Ian K. Smith (Celebrity Fit Club guy) and it is pretty good. It basically is just eating healthy if you ask me. But in the book I have, he lays out exactly what you should eat and what you shouldn't, which I like. There are also tons of recipes in the back of the book.

The Mommy Years said...

Diet House ... is that anything like BigBrother-Low Calorie?

I need some sort of life coach to stand next to me all day & slap my hand when I reach for the brownies or anyting with carbs.

Does Diet House do that whole pocket search during intake? Cause you know I'm gonna have a box of twinkies stuck in my luggage.

Marie Green said...

You GO girl! I've been thinking about taking up running again... We even rearranged our family room to make room for the treadmill (which lives in the garage during the warm months) (it's been cold here FOREVER, so I use the term "warm months" VERY loosely).

So Monday? You diet, I'll run? Facking mondays. Gah.

jen said...

Don't ring the doorbell... just break the side window and stick your hand in and unlock the damn door.

er.. good luck!

Kelsey said...

Good luck! Being pregnant, I have given myself a pass for not fretting about LOSING weight for the next few months, but come summer, I will have to do something.

desperate housewife said...

Best to you! I have reluctantly taken up exercising, which is something my prissy, don't-make-me-sweat self loathes. But I'm getting used to it. The dieting part, however, will have to come later, as I just baked cookies. Whoops.

Erica said...

While you're visiting Diet House, I'm next store at The Gym. I'm joining next week. An actual, real live gym. With exercising and sweat. On purpose.

Giving up crack would be preferable.

MaryB said...

Im so with you - we can whine together! and if I read your whining it will inspire me to not eat the three million boxes of valentine chocolates i would love to eat! But, not with mint - hate the mint and chocolate combo!

the new girl said...

Oh, I KNOW! I have been *strictly* limiting my chocolate intake because I think when I eat a lot, it somehow upsets my daughter's stomach (is that even possible?).

ANYWAY. I was just telling my sister that it actually makes me feel sad. A day without chocolate.

What's the point in going on?

Minnesota Matron said...

I entered Diet House long ago, for health reasons. I once went on a macrobiotic diet for six months ( culprit: autoimmune disease). There's been more culinary drama, but in the end -- and I HATE to sound like a goody-two-shoes optimist here -- my DESIRES have changed completely.

Consider this: I don't like ice cream. Makes me queasy. Can't stomach creams and lard. I live in Minnesota. These are my people's staples.

Anyway, as someone who went from tuna casserole to tofu stir fry, you might very well FEEL BETTER!!

And it's worth it.

Mairzy said...

I keep telling myself I'm not too far off the rails. I was doing great in the spring and summer, after all. I can cut back anytime I want to. It's not a problem. Hm, it's the wanting to that's the problem.

But, yes, I'm all with you. All extra pounds of me. Maybe we'll have adjoining dorm rooms in the Diet House and can eat sensible portions of graham crackers together.

Sigh.

Mimi said...

I hear you. I've always thought that the "lifestyle change" sounded like being sentenced to a lifetime of boring and bland food. But I'm right there with you. I need to get rid of this baby weight!

caley said...

Good luck to you, Swistle! I need to do something about my eating habits/lack of exercise too, however I've given myself permission to wait until it starts getting warm outside to do so. If I tried to do it now, while it is still WINTER and DEPRESSING, I'd fail before I had even begun.

April said...

you don't diet forEVER, you diet until you get to your good point, and then you maintain.

for me, dieting sucks. No fun lunches, no random indulgences.
for me, maintaining is OK - just trying not to be a total a-hole (ie not 12 boxes of girl scout cookies).

the problem is that by reaching my goal weight I want to celebrate by having 12 boxes of girl scout cookies.

AND THEN.... back to diet mode.

if I could just avoid being the a-hole

Bunny said...

Oh, honey, honey, honey. I am right there with you. Today in fact I am planning to draw out our menus for the next few weeks. And I am planning on how to set up some sort of exercise venue in our basement. This sucks, but we need to do it for us! For our health! (Do I sound convincing yet?)

JMH said...

Diet: Just give yourself one "free" day per week where you can eat whatever you want. It's known in Diet World as calorie shifting and it truly does work. Plus, you won't be as insane since once a week you can indulge in your delicious, homemade baked goods.

Exercise: Anyone heard of or used T-Tapp? I just discovered it and it seems to work well. Many people have lost several inches. Swistle: maybe we could try it together? It is supposed to only take 15 minutes per day.

Swistle said...

Minnesota Matron- This is what I keep hoping for, like I keep hoping that exercise will start making me feel good and have more energy, instead of making me feel sweaty and tired.

Bunny- I'd like to put some sort of expensive equipment in the basement, too. Outdoor stuff is too difficult (bringing three children along makes it even MORE frustrating to exercise), and also gives me too ready an excuse.

Kristin C. said...

Hey there Swistle! It's going to be FINE. We are in this together! I have been a long time blog reader, and reader od Swistle since Summer. I decided to start my own blog last weekend as a motivation to help me lose weight. I even posted before pictures and my ACTUAL WEIGHT *gasp*! You can check me out if you'd like..I'll be talking about how I'm doing and what I'm doing to lose the weight (almost 40 lbs)! I am doing the Best Life Diet...I think you'll find it easy to start...you just sort of ease into it and slowly progress to something a little more strict. I have sucessfully tried Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins....you name it. They didn't last because they are so hyperfucused on food and HOW MUCH your eating ,and points, and crazy stuff.

Good Luck Swistle....you can totally do it!

Misty said...

Sigh. Poor thing. I am sorry it has had to come to this. I second Devan's blessing: quickly and permanently. Amen.

Maggie said...

I am so with you! I am also with you about being a little less than excited about it.

But here's to being healthier anyway. Or attempting at least...

JMC said...

Oh, I need to do the same thing (as I sit here eating a peanut butter cupcake with milk chocolate frosting). And I feel the same way about "lifestyle change."

Mommy Daisy said...

I hear ya. I've known I needed to start exercising & dieting since before Christmas. I convinced myself I must wait until after Christmas, because I'd just ruin it then anyway with all the goodies and stuff. And each week and each day I put it off. Here we are the last week of January, and I've done nothing. Does it count that I was going to eat a salad for lunch? It's not my fault that it went bad from sitting in the fridge for too long. :P

Now I know I need to lose weight. And I saw Cadbury Eggs yesterday. This means the start of Easter candy (my favorite time of year for candy). Ugh. I'll be here with you listening to the pain and hopefully I'll be on track too. Good luck.

Jess said...

Good luck! I will be Weight Watchers dieting right along with you. I hope it goes quickly and painlessly.

Swistle said...

Mommy Daisy- Easter candy is THE BEST. Last time I dieted, I took Easter off: all day I ate Cadbury eggs, Cadbury mini-eggs, Hershey marshmallow eggs, Hershey candy-coated egg....

Kristin C. said...

swiatle!! you're friggin killing me here with this easter cady s**t!! I hadn't even THOUGHT about that!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kristin C. said...

ummm...not swiatle. SWISTLE!

Beth A. said...

I've been trying to start a diet for pretty much all of January and can't quite get enough momentum going. I need to get in better shape and not eat so much crap, but I keep thinking I'll start next Monday.

Jmh, I was doing T-Tapp last fall until Thanksgiving and Christmas made life too busy. I liked it though and I keep meaning to start it again.

The thing that usually helps me the most when I'm trying to diet is www.sparkpeople.com. It has great tools for setting goals and keeping track of your food and exercise - a lot like Weight Watchers, only free and you don't have to get weighed in public. And they give you virtual trophies as you go along, which I shouldn't enjoy as much as I do (really, I shouldn't be so happy about getting an electronic gold star, but whatever motivates me is good, right?).

Swistle said...

Kristin C.- It's Mommy Daisy's fault. SHE mentioned Cadbury Eggs. I hadn't thought of them yet, either. Listen, if we both do well on this, we'll take a day in March and eat Easter candy.

Jess said...

Oh I am so so sad to be joining you. I'm wondering if maybe eating better (better than bigmacs and cookies what?!)might help on the post-partum issues. I can actually feel all the dieticians in the room rolling their eyes. Yeah, so it probably will. But so SAD!

Swistle said...

Jess- I KNOW. And I always think, How CAN it be better to eat healthy, when cookies are such a comfort? I'm afraid that instead of helping myself, I'll be yanking out one of my main supports.

Kate said...

I’m a little behind on my blog reading, but I just wanted to delurk to say Good Luck and I understand these feelings exactly. My diet starts today. It was supposed to start last Monday, but that didn’t go so well. So today is the day. I’m bummed though because I took your Oatmeal Scotchies recipe out this weekend with the intention of making a batch of cookies and consuming them all in two days. But I didn’t get them made. I teared up a bit as I put the butterscotch chips back in the cupboard this morning.

Mommy Daisy said...

Ha, ha, I LOVE all those Easter candies you mentioned. An my absolute favorite is Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. The big ones shaped like an Easter Egg. Ahh, bliss.

OK, enough about the candy. We're going to eat better. So far today I've done that. But my child has ruined my plans for exercise by being sick today. :( Maybe he'll take a good nap this afternoon.

Natalie said...

Whine away. I started a sub-blog this weekend so that I could hold myself accountable for my *ahem* indescretions, and so I can whine about how unfair it is that some women can eat like pigs and it never shows. Though I highly doubt they are as piggish as me. I don't even want to tell you how long it takes me to polish off a gallon of ice cream. I am with you, I want to eat whatever I want, WHEN I want to. You are right about the lifestyle change being a permanent diet though. It's just not a fad diet, because it's fad diets that are bad. Do you see how I'm trying to talk myself into it at the same time as I'm saying GOOOO SWISTLE!?