Don't keep asking me what the baby needs. You're his father, you can go through the checklist as easily as I can. Food? Diaper? Sleep? Attention? New chew toy? Figure it out, genius.
Ask me what the baby needs when you don't know. I'm with him around the clock, and there's no shame in asking the expert. You're acting as if you think listening to a woman would sap your manhood. Ask for some help, genius.
Buy me something special and romantic from time to time. Come home with flowers. Tell me you couldn't resist buying me those earrings. Bring me a bakery cake just as a treat out of the blue.
Oh my god, we are hemorrhaging money! You can't just go spending willy-nilly on non-essentials or we won't make the mortgage! I know you think this is romantic, but it won't feel romantic when I'm balancing the checkbook later!
Don't tell me every time you change a diaper. What are you expecting, fireworks? I don't tell you every time I change a diaper.
Tell me when you change a diaper. How can we work as a team when we're not both up to date on what's been done and what hasn't? I feel like an idiot when I go to do a routine diaper change and find a totally dry, fresh diaper.
Listen, I am not the only one with the magical powers required to pick up a gallon of milk. Could YOU be the one to go out for toilet paper occasionally?
I can't believe you're leaving me home with the children again. Don't I get enough of this during the week?
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...