I'm getting so behind on blog-reading. So when I can, I read blogs while nursing. This means I can't comment much (typing one-handed makes Homer go crazy) (Simpsons reference, though it also makes Henry go crazy), but I'm hoping to play the "5 kids" card on that one--if that card isn't too worn out from me using it in the Housecleaning slot.
The computer is tucked away in a back room, so if the twins are up and I'm the only adult, I can't be in there. If Paul is home, I can. BUT: I've been noticing that if I'm nursing while at the computer, he starts getting really crabby in the other room. He does that thing where one parent clearly wants the other parent to hear how burdened he is and how frustrating it is to be doing it ALL BY HIMSELF. (River-crying in progress.)
It shouldn't make any difference to him: if I'm nursing in the living room, I'm just sitting there with a book, not doing stuff with kids. But it seems to me that it DOES make a difference--like he feels the way he'd feel if I were just on the computer when I was NOT nursing. NOT THAT THERE'D BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, I might point out. But since I AM nursing, it seems to me that it doesn't matter what I'm doing at the same time: he's on his own with the other kids either way, so what does he care if I'm reading in the living room or reading at the computer?
So when we had a peaceful moment I said in a pleasant, calm voice, "It's been seeming to me that if I'm on the computer while nursing Henry, that makes you feel crabby." He SIGHED and said nothing. Tone of sigh: "You are bugging me about something stupid." I said, still pleasant and calm, "Is that the way it is?" He said NOTHING, and left to go to the library.
Um, HELLO. Everyone (magazine articles! TV shows! movies! books! psychologists! counselors!) is ALWAYS saying that the key to a successful relationship is to have open communication. And men are always trying to pull that "I'm not a mind reader--you have to tell me what you want" line (as if it takes SUPERNATURAL POWERS to see that the teetering trashcan needs to be emptied). So I try to tell Paul when something is amiss.
But I get NO REPLY. Or else he gets mad. Those are the two choices: he ignores me (literally doesn't respond, and either leaves the house, leaves the room, or goes to sleep) or he gets angry. We're both confrontation-avoiders, so usually we work out our problems with minimal discussion, and that works for both of us. But I don't like feeling crabby waves coming toward me when I'm not doing anything wrong.
So what am I supposed to do? That's rhetorical, since I guess there are two answers: (1) Say to him, "I've noticed that when I bring up a problem, you either ignore me or get angry," and then he'll either ignore me or get angry, or (2) Go back in time and marry someone else.
Gift ideas for an 8-year-old, part 2 of 2 - Last week I talked about the gifts we were getting/considering for Edward, who is turning 8 next month. This week it’s Elizabeth’s turn: not “girl gifts,” ...