September 26, 2007


This has been a morning spent hovering on the teary side of rage.

Cat barf. Blow-out diapers. Mildew in the wipes container.

Elizabeth's new, bigger-size pants falling down around her ankles.

Hating the thought of exercise. Trying to renew enthusiasm by trying something new: jump-rope! Jump rope hits coffee table; move coffee table. Coffee-table hits end table; move end table, then move coffee table; see crud under end table but stay on task. Jump rope now hits ceiling. SCREW THIS. Decide not to exercise. Decide "some is better than none," and start jogging around the house. Bugs swooping. Shorts riding up. Guys working across the street. SCREW THIS. Take shower. Feel like failure: "Ooo, TWO WHOLE LAPS around the WHOLE HOUSE! Why not train for IRON MAN next?" Feel discouraged that after 2 months of exercise, attitude continues to go downhill.

Called hotels for mother-in-law. First place said, "For THIS October?" Children got too loud for phone.

Bathroom vanity drawer broken.

Flies and maggots near trash bag on the porch. Oh my god.

Dryer buzzer goes off. Laundry is all finicky stuff like socks that need to be matched. Use unmatched sock to dab at tears. Force self to knock it off: it is only 9:00 in the morning, Self.

New pretty dishes arrived. They're clearly stamped "Made in Columbia." They were advertised as "Made in England." I'm exchanging them--and I'm already anticipating a second set arriving, ALSO stamped "Made in Columbia."

I made fudge and didn't stir it long enough, so it crystallized wrong. IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD.

Here's how I'm self-medicating:
Sample-size of expensive, perfumed face moisturizer.
Comfy undies.
The grainy fudge.
Complaining to you.

Also, I feel heartened at the thought of Black Sheeped's new site, which is going to be a "Steal holiday ideas from each other!" site. Cheap and/or easy Halloween costumes! Teacher gifts! Handmade cards! Gifts children can make that don't suck for the recipient! My mind is buzzing with ideas to submit--but also with the desire to STEAL STEAL STEAL. So I hope you will start sending Kara ideas right this minute. More information on the new site, and also an email address to send ideas, is in the second half of the post I linked to earlier in this paragraph. Hup hup with the Halloween ideas. NOW NOW NOW GO GO GO. *wipes motivational brow*


Jess said...

NOOOOO. Not a problem with the MIL dishes. I feel crushed. I would be crying too, even without all the other stuff.

Devan said...

Wow, bad morning. I hope the fudge helps. A baby snuggle is always good too, especially from a little cutie like Henry.

Flibberty said...

What a completely miserable and deflating morning. When I have a version of such a morning/day/evening/night I take solace knowing that I can only have one of these every few weeks, so really I just got it out of the way and can relax. It's a law. Not Murphy's.

Shelly Overlook said...

At this point, surely grainy fudge is better than no fudge at all. I cannot believe that about the MIL dishes. Do you suppose it's a conspiracy to ruin your master plan? Good thing Henry is on the case!

Annie said...

Aw man. That's a lot before 9am. I would be crying over socks too.
Can you scrape the Made in Columbia off with a razor?

Mommy Daisy said...

Bad start to the day. Fudge (even grainy) should help. ;) Oh and what a cutie that little Henry is.

Farrell said...

Oh, hun. We all have days like that. Hang in there!

Sara said...

Maybe you could ship MIL to Columbia with the dishes.

Eat all of the fudge. It's the only solution.

Melospiza said...

Okay, Swistle, I'm officially MAD at your MIL now too. Having YOU call around to hotels? With three loud nonverbalites at home? Who is she f*ing kidding? And hello, if you want to stay in a nice hotel, try to PLAN YOUR VISIT AHEAD OF TIME.

Obviously, she's going to have to stay in the scuzzy place down the road. And she's going to have to pay by the hour, AND she's going to be spending A LOT of hours there.

Because otherwise? She needs to sleep in the laundry room. In three chairs scootched together. Your sons, they are in school. It's important for them to get a good night's rest.

No more Mrs Nice-DIL, I say.

Do you have her phone number? Because I will totally call her.


Pann said...

Super bummer about the dishes. (Geez, Columbia, huh? and not even British Columbia at that... !?)

I say go straight for the Zoloft. Really. This MIL visit is making you lose it!

el-e-e said...

Oh, no! So sorry the "teary side" scored a few points this morning.

Maybe break a few of the dishes to release stress? Then return them because they are broken AND from Columbia?

Sorry. Not much help.

Shannon said...

You need coffee.

WHAT a morning!!!

Swistle said...

Pann- I know! But the breastfeeding! What if in 20 years it's all, "Kids whose mothers took Zoloft while breastfeeding are now found to have developed flippers"? They SAYYYY it's okay, so why am I ALL AGITATED? Because I need Zoloft. But flippers!

Alice said...

i'm with melospiza. let's all call MIL and give her a piece of our minds :-)

Lainey-Paney said...

I just popped over from Misguided Mommy's blog.

...bless your heart today!

With regard to exercise: I count vacuuming as a workout. And, I tell my hubby that I go to the mall to walk laps (so what if it's me & a bunch of old ladies?)...and then I count pushing the stroller as working out with weights.

Lainey-Paney said...

P.S. the maggots thing....
I so have a similar story from this week & the bag of trash left over from my son's b-day party. Needless to say---my husband wanted the trash can outside. But---he of course didn't bring it back in, and did not take the bag to the mega trash can that the trash men empty. I went to take the bag out yesterday---and I thought, "we didn't serve rice at the party." & then I realized that the rice was MOVING! I think I puked a little in my mouth. Shut the lid & ran inside. So gross.

donna said...

Hmmmmm..... fudge does seem a good solution. How on earth you had time to make fudge at all escapes me. I was too tired for taco night last night. You are way ahead of me, girl.

Do you find it to be a compliment that I spent last night reading your archives? I just wanted to catch up! Please don't think I'm psycho.

MrsGrumpy said...

In Germany, I have heard, Moms drink beer with their lunch. I am sorry all the crippity crappy stuff is happening that can ruin an otherwise perfectly fine day. I would melt the fudge in the microwave and then eat it with a spoon while watching Lifetime.

Nowheymama said...

Good grief, your post makes *me* want to run for the chocolate.

I'm so sorry.

LoriD said...

You know what goes well with grainy fudge? Ice cream. Just gaze at Henry while eating ice cream with melted grainy fudge on top. All will be fine.

nikki said...

Again, I say paper plates!!

And Old Navy has the best costumes ever. My 3 year old will be a monkey.

Penny said...

I like the self medication ideas, plus dabbing your tears with an unmatched sock is a priceless picture in my mind.

This is likely the stuff that fond memories will be made of, but in the meantime, I wish you more comfy undies and future fudge that crystallizes correctly.

Erica said...

I'm having a terrible day, too. But I don't even have grainy fudge to compensate.

I love the look on Henry's face in that photo. He's completely fascinated. Or constipated. It's hard to tell with babies.

Katie said...

Wait. Why do we care if the dishes say Columbia? Is that bad? I mean, for the MIL? Damn.

I hate days like that. Hey, at least you took a shower, though. That is better than I have managed today. You sure do get a lot of stuff done--*mental image of Swistle as Tasmanian Devil--whirling around her house....*

Tessie said...

Comfy undies can seriously turn it around, can't they? I resort to the Hanes Her Way boy shorts when I'm on the edge.

That photo. I have to believe that these types of photos are proof that Toy Story was totally true, because he appears to be saying, "NO! YOU DON'T SAY!"

jen said...

mmm.. fudge. I hope your day gets better.

I think everyone I know is having a rotten day again.

Shelly said...

*ALL* that by 9 am?! Holy crap, woman, that's insane. I would have been sitting in the floor nibbling on a baby toy and babbling to myself. Kudos to you for still functioning.

Swistle said...

Lainey-Paney- I'm with you on the exercise thing! Also, it takes muscle to make so many reps between the fudge bag and my mouth.

Melospiza & Alice- Ha ha! Wouldn't it be funny if I sicced you all on her?

Donna- I'm so happy you're reading the archives! I'm sure those entries are pleased to have visitors. You can leave comments on them, too, if you want--all the comments get emailed to me, so I still read comments on old posts.

Katie- Because I wanted dishes from Eng-Eng-Eng-ENGLAND! *bursts into tears* Technically, it matters not one whit. But the dishes look so ENGLISH! And they were supposed to be ENGLISH! And I got all used to the idea of having ENGLISH CHINA. And then they WEREN'T ENGLISH! Okay, it was a little silly to send them back. But won't it be great if the new set IS English?

Marie Green said...

Man, that sucks. It especially sucks when everything seems to go wrong RIGHT AWAY in the morning. Like, can't we spread the shitty stuff out a bit?

I'm excited about Black Sheeped's new blog too! I'm especially excited to (hopefully) find a craft project that's cute and useful and tactful, yet easy enough that the kids can do it for gifts (grandparents, aunts, etc.) Because Dude, that saves us a ton of money!

It's going to be fun!!

Henry is so adorable. Tell me, is his neck a tiny bit stinky? I love me a stinky baby neck!

Trina N. said...

I hope you had some coffee today. If not, make some and put some of the fudge in it. Coffee and chocolate always make me feel better.

Here is an internet hug for you.

Marie Green said...

Also, I've probably told you this like 12 times, but I'm on zoloft and I took while pregnant and still take even though I'm breastfeeding. I've been worried too (am I messing up her brain chemistry FOREVER??????) but in the end decided I would mess her up MORE by being so edgy and well, crazy.

Even a small dose might be helpful... At least until the end of October...

Just saying. =)

Jess in Nebraska said...

What. a. day. I hope your day has dramatically improved by this time, and if not I hope you're presently napping with a chocoalte induced high....
Here's to a better day tomorrow....
Also, super excited about the link to Black Sheeped...the new blog sounds GREAT, I'm looking forward to some new holiday ideas!!!! Thanks for the link.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I hope your day has improved since you wrote this. We all have these days/weeks/months.

Take care of yourself.

Giselle said...

My sister took Zoloft all through her pregnancy, and figured that since she was probably going to pass on her depression/anxiety to her son, she may as well give him a head start on taking it. ;)

I've had a day like this too. Is it a full moon or something? Or maybe it's because it's still in the 90s and I'm pissed that fall won't come.

Pickles & Dimes said...

You had me freaking at "cat barf."

Any day that starts that way is immediately dead to me.

Henry's expression in that photo cracks me up!

Erin said...

I'm glad we count as part of the self-medication. Because, at least for me, the blog really helps keep me sane. Did you have this blog the last time she visited? If not, then maybe it will help (just a little?) this time.

You can make it a project to determine the Three Most Ridiculous Things She Did Today, and post them for us. How about it? Maybe you'll find yourself silently cheering her on, like, "Come on MIL! You can do better than that! After you up-ed the anty yesterday by telling me how to cook your son, MY HUSBAND, breakfast, you're gonna have to work a little harder to make The List worthwhile!"

And then when you publish The List each day, we can be all, "Holy shazam! Swistle, she's NUTS!"

Swistle said...

Marie Green- Well...I do have twenty-three 100mg tablets from 2004. That's forty-six days of expired 50mg doses. Wonder if that would help? Or if it's too old and should have been tossed out long ago? They've been hibernating in my underwear drawer with all my other unfinished prescriptions. Why do I hoard them?

Henry's neck is clean-stinky today: I washed it with Baby Magic, but dampening the skin always seems to release a little extra baby aroma.

This is KIND OF a weird comment I'm leaving.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Guinness is the answer!

Well, assuming you like Guinness or beer, but I was constantly assured by taxi drivers in Ireland that Guinness is excellent for all that ails you (pun heartily intended) and that mothers drink it to help their milk production.

The Irish are very proud of their beer.

All else fails, it's time to put household stuff on hold, and get some good chocolates and ice cream.

BTW, I vote that with the looming stress of the MIL visit you put the exercise on hold. Beating yourself up over it won't make you like it any better. Hell, it could be used as a built in excuse to run away from her while she's in town, though. "Must dash off to the gym! Back in 2 hours! Enjoy the grandkids!"

You know, just something to think about!

I hope your day gets better!

Swistle said...

Giselle- "A head start"--HA HA HA! I love that!

Erin- My reaction, reading your comment: "." Translation: stopping in amazement to consider. I DO have the blog this time! (Didn't last time.) And it WOULD make it easier to be silently egging her into things that would be fun to post! That really WILL make things better! Ha ha! Yay! ...But what if all of you are actually darting your eyes at each other, saying, "Um, actually, that sounds okay to me" and "Hm, sounds like Swistle is the Bad One here"?

Woman with a Hatchet- Man, I am going to go for a 2-hour run EVERY NIGHT while she's here! "No, no--you two play Scrabble! I'll just Go On A Run!" Then I'll run over to a fast food place and sit there with a book and some fries.

desperate housewife said...

Oh, dear Lord... All I can say is, I'm with you on the self-medicating, stress eating, or whatever you want to call it, and I say it is FINE and AWESOME. My poison is a giant batch of chocolate chip cookies. Just thinking about them throughout the day sometimes is enough to bolster me through whatever craptastic task I'm in the middle of.

Pann said...



Studies show that kids whose moms are healthy and happy are better off than who have moms who are depressed to the point of tears.

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Please take of yourself... There are also good references for other anti-depressants... check with your local LLL or other breastfeeding support center, as there are different ratings on the safety of different meds. Many are even safe to take while pregnant, and often next-to-nothing comes through the breastmilk besides!

Marie Green said...

Clean-stinky! Love it. It made me crack a smile.

And I take 50mg. A low dose, so low that I've thought a few time that I should go off of it. I've tried a few times, usually following a time when I've forgotten for a few days in a row so I think, what the heck, I'll just stop taking it. I'm back to super edgy and irrational within a week.

I think if you are leaning towards taking it, you should. (Not that you asked, sorry.) But since it takes a few weeks to kick in, it would suck if MIL arrived and you realized you NEEDED it. Besides, if both our babies have "permanent brain chemistry damage", we can always hook them up. We'll still be blogging then, right? =)

Swistle said...

Marie- I SHOULD have asked--I DID want opinions, and I know how it is when you're reading along and thinking, "Does she just want to VENT here, or does she want me to give ADVICE?"