August 2, 2007

Alumni Newsletter

Stacie over at The Twinkies had a clever idea: First write a nauseatingly perky paragraph about your life, the type of paragraph you see in alumni newsletters. Then write a franker, funnier one. Here are her paragraphs. And here are mine:

Swistle and Paul welcomed their fifth bundle of joy this May: baby Henry joins older siblings Robert, 8; William, 6; and twins Elizabeth and Edward, 2. Swistle is a stay-at-home mom and loving every precious minute of it! What a privilege to see the miracle of childhood close up, and in so many versions, and for so many hours a day! Paul can barely stand to leave for work in the morning, knowing that his happy family is farther behind him with every mile he drives.

If you people hold our old college friendships in any regard at all, you will get your asses on a plane and come HELP US. For the love of god, we are dying here. There are children on every surface, like those news stories you see about old ladies who have so many cats the entire house is disgusting. The squalor, it is unthinkable! The diapers alone will bury us! Bring food! Bring cleaning supplies! And bring a car, so you can drive away with one or more of our excess children! Toddler twins AND a newborn, do you understand what I am saying here??

Stacie is making this a new meme--and with new memes, the way to get them going is to threaten everyone with bad luck and/or ancient curses if they don't participate ask everyone to consider themselves tagged.

29 comments:

Devan said...

ha! That's funny. I'll have to go work on that now. :)

Shannon said...

Hilarious!!! I will have to find my "clever" hat (not possible after feeding baby 6 times over the night) and write one tomorrow.

desperate housewife said...

What a good idea!

Omaha Mama said...

Too funny. You are so funny. The comparison to too many cats - oh, that's stinkin' funny.

Shelly said...

Simply marvelous!

brandy said...

I.love.this.

AndreAnna said...

I love this "And bring a car, so you can drive away with one or more of our excess children" SO funny!

I did mine. Check it.

Devan said...

http://all-d.blogspot.com/2007/08/alumni-newsletter.html
done. :)

AndreAnna said...

I redid mine because I'm blond and misunderstood the rules until I read more people's. It's fixed. Sorry to make you go back. Feel free to ignore me. :)

Bunny said...

How funny! Your excess children! Like cats to an old lady! You are too much!

Erica said...

I heart you.

Michele said...

Hysterical! I will work on mine now...

Pann said...

Awesome, really funny!

Ser said...

I love your paragraphs. I think it is much more fun to mock one's self than to try to look good. Of course, that is much easier for me to do on my blog than in real life. I actually wrote a mock form letter type thing on my blog once. I think we should all start writing our Christmas form letters in this style--the world would probably become a better place for it.

I really enjoy your blog, by the way, and read it regularly. I decided it was time to comment.

Marie Green said...

I love the image of children on every surface. Ohh, too funny.

I'll have to give it a try...

Misguided Mommy said...

ha that is hilarious...i'm giggling pretty hard over here.

Swistle said...

Ser-- Oh, do you think we COULD do our Christmas letters this way??? Oh, WOULDN'T that be FUNNY! And SO much better than the usual ones, all "blah blah our brilliant child."

Jess said...

Okay, mine is up. It was tough. Now I'm even more impressed with yours.

Caley said...

Ok, I just had to try my own. Not nearly as funny as your's though, Swistle!
http://caleyadams.wordpress.com/2007/08/03/alumni-newsletter/

Shannon said...

RE: Christmas Letters

I totally think you should. We do "odd" letters every year with strange photos. It is Jeff's dream for us to all have mullet wigs for this year. Could you imagine Elise with a mullet wig?

Sara said...

haha, that's great! Here's mine.

right here

Misty said...

I gave it a whirl: http://hobblenodgehouse.blogspot.com/2007/08/alumni-posts.html

:)

Chelle said...

Awesome. Just....awesome.

Penny said...

Pretty funny, but you failed on paragraph #1; I could totally tell the sarcasm was there.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

There is no way on Earth I could ever come up with something as funny as this!!!!

I love you. really, I do!

Swistle said...

Penny-- Sarcasm? I don't know what you could possibly be referring to! I cherish every precious moment!

Penny said...

swistle- yea, and Paul hates leaving the happy family even for a minute!

Tessie said...

Done! It's been fun reading these.

tulipmom said...

Too funny! It would be SO much more entertaining if people sent out holiday letters like this. I hate the usual self-serving ones that litter my mailbox each December and make me want to gag.