July 21, 2007

Two Questions

Two questions I am not asking Paul this morning, because I don't know how such a conversation would begin:

1) What were you planning to use for birth control, dumbass, if I hadn't pushed you away? When people asked us if we "knew how this kept happening," they were kidding--but now I'm wondering if I need to sit you down for The Talk.

2) Did you seriously think you were going to score in the middle of the night with a nursing mother? You're lucky I didn't leave for a hotel. And that all your parts are still attached.

19 comments:

Shelly said...

Leave the brochure for wood chipper rental on his nightstand.

Anonymous said...

Har har. Sounds like a bad case of sexsomnia. Google it.

Erica said...

Poor, poor, deluded Paul.

Karly said...

So, I'm guessing you told him the doctor cleared you. That'll teach you to tell the truth!

AndreAnna said...

Oh, how I heart you!! lol.

Swistle said...

Karly--I haven't even had my OB appointment yet! (It got postponed--so very sad.) That makes it all the more outrageous, doesn't it?

Penny said...

Poor Swistle. Stupid Paul.

Shannon said...

Maybe Jeff and Paul are brothers from another mother.

desperate housewife said...

Perhaps he figured, "Well, she's awake all night anyways... Maybe she'd like ANOTHER person's needs to attend to!"

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I like shelly's idea about the wood chipper rental.

and seriously, wth are men thinking. Screws their "needs." Wait, let me rephrase that, we shouldn't have to screw anything. FORGET their "needs."

Melinda said...

This is way off topic but I would like to state for the record that I'm am now officially obsessed with chocolate covered cherries. I think you may be able to achieve world domination, Swistle, just with the power of suggestion. I've just returned from Target with two brands to compare. The chocolate-covered-cherry-off? Emily's brand are yummy. http://www.emilyschocolates.com/
I haven't tried the Harry & David's yet.

I think it is a very good thing I'm going to do the C25K thing given my current new obsession.

Marie Green said...

Tell Paul to talk to David. Maybe if the two of them got to talking, they could figure it out together... I have a handy flip chart, used in our teen childbirth classes, that I'll leave out "accidentally".

Brillig said...

HAHAHAHA

And yet... it's eerily familiar...

Stacie said...

Poor, stupid, deluded Paul. But you are kind and generous as he still has all his parts...

Devan said...

2 words:
baseball bat

Sara said...

oh dear....

Jodi said...

LOL! Oh man is he in trouble.

Oh and I have started a contest today in honor of my birthday! Go over and check it out so you can enter to win!

angie said...

Way too funny! Helloooo you haven't had your OB appointment...tell him the goods are still off limits until the Dr. says so!

Shauna said...

Amen!
And tell him it's 6 months. Not 6 weeks. But, being that you've been through 3 other pregnancies, I'm guessing he won't buy it. Shucks.