July 26, 2007


So--yesterday's post. What I meant to do was vent a little about how hard it is to keep my mouth shut in situations where it would be stupid for me to talk. What I did instead was:
  1. Imply that one of you wrote a blog post that pissed me off
  2. And that probably you do that all the time
  3. And that maybe all the other commenters don't like you either.
  4. Imply that I don't think blogs should be about controversial topics
  5. And that I think people shouldn't discuss things unless they agree
  6. And that what you wrote about _______ was way too controversial.
  7. Imply that we should all go around kissing up to each other all the time
  8. And no one should ever say anything that isn't positive
  9. And that we should all be icky-sweet and no one should say anything bitchy or strong.
  10. Imply that all conflict is bad
  11. And that pleasant, intellectual debate between consenting adults is also bad
  12. And that in a perfect world, all of us would act and think identically.
  13. Imply that I never give my 2 cents' worth on other people's blogs
  14. And that my silence means I disagree
  15. And I'm quietly thinking bad things about you but you'll never know because I won't say it.
  16. Imply that I don't want you to give your 2 cents' worth on my blog
  17. And that if you have in the past, you've totally hurt my feelings and pissed me off
  18. And that if you do it ever again I won't be your best friend anymore.
I is such a awesome communicator! I rocks!

I do often comment if I disagree with something, and I want you to comment even if you're not saying, "You're totally right! I totally agree! Also, I like your shoes!" I think we can disagree and still be friendly. Good thing, too, since there are SO MANY THINGS to disagree about! Including my shoes.

There are some topics, though, that I don't want to talk about anymore, and that's generally when I choose my voluntary dose of STFU. The blog setting wouldn't be right for me anyway: I'm a person who typically leaves a comment and doesn't come back to see who commented after me, so it's not a good place for me to get involved in a heavy debate.

Also--and this is harder to describe--there are certain times when I can feel that my reaction is not good and that I shouldn't talk, that it would not be right for me to talk. Do you know what I mean? Because I've spent about 24 hours trying to think of how to put it, and that's the best I've got. It's just a feeling that tells me I should STFU.

But, silly dears, I was not talking about any of YOU. You are all sweeties, and I'm sure I agree with every word you say. Also, I like your shoes.


jen said...

haha I laughed at the list, because it's usually true.

I have my own list of stuff I refuse to discuss at all anymore. Anything to do with breastfeeding, circumcision, crying babies ... right out. Don't care. Have opinion, set in stone, don't want to talk about it, buh bye.

I have seen people say some really dumb things on message boards lately that have me in a bad mood so maybe I should just.. go outside or something. But I tried that, and my pool has a green tinge and is full of little swimmy things...

Devan said...

ha! We're all so paranoid that we think Swistle *MUST* be talking about us.

When I feel the urge to type to someone. YOU. ARE. SO. STUPID. JustShutUpAlready. AGGGGHHHH.

That's when I know *i* need to STFU, because I'm obviously over-involved. hehe

Sara said...

I knew you were talking about me.

I had such a hard time when I posted about breastfeeding.

Censorship, even when voluntary, sucks.

But I do love your shoes :)

laughing mommy said...

I totally get what you mean about knowing when you should shut up. I get that feeling too... I have something to say but just sense that it would be better not to.

One time I made what I thought was a harmless comment on another persons blog... and someone didn't like it and found my own blog to smack me down. I'd rather keep my yap shut than get smacked down.

MrsGrumpy said...

I typed and retyped a comment 10 times on somebody's blog last night, not because of you, but because I'm paranoid that way. I honestly didn't think you were talking about me...because I don't think oven cleaning is a (I was going to post hot, but that won't do) controversial topic. ;) I think where we all fall into trouble is that the interet relationship lacks the inflection and facial expression of the real life relationship and feelings seem to get stomped on so much easier. With that, I am of too write my letter of apology to "Frigidaire". Shoes? What shoes?

AndreAnna said...

Great list. And I am so not saying that to suck up to you!

I swear. No, really.

I really like your shoes! ;)

LoriD said...

We're a sensitive lot, we bloggers!

Now, let's talk more about your shoes!

Marie Green said...

I understood what you meant by your post yesterday and thought it was an interesting topic- when to embrace conflict and when it's just not worth it. But my comment probably sent YOU the wrong idea... See? typing just doesn't do the same in terms of communication. It's so easy to be misuderstood, or to feel misunderstood, or to wonder if what you are writing is actually being understood.

I'm learning when to STFU and when my opinion actually enhances a conversation. Hard, since I have a big mouth and lots of ideas and like to debate (nicely, that is.)

I do like your shoes. =)

Alice said...

hee, then there's me, who assumes the world revolves around her in a positive fashion, therefore that comment clearly didn't pertain to ME. hi! am self centered! and i like your shoes.

Tessie said...

It was about Harry Potter, wasn't it? I don't want to talk about it any more either!

Misguided Mommy said...

ooooo my dear swistle...did i spark a world of shit on my blog...i think i stirred the pot enough for all of us for year....weeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Erica said...

You know, people have the right to write about whatever they feel like typing on their blogs. And we all pretty much have the right to say whatever we want to in response. That's sort of the whole point, right? But I think we all have a self-imposed line that we don't cross. And we seem to gravitate toward blogs and bloggers that have basically the same values we do, so conflict isn't as prevalent as it could be elsewhere.

And you'd better not be talking about my Harry Potter post, Tessie. Or I'll punch you in the nose.

Omaha Mama said...

That is a funny list.

I told hubs tonight that I was starting Couch to 5K on the 29th because a blog author I read is starting then. He said, "Is this going to be virtual running then?" HA! I even had to laugh, even if it was a total dig at me. Truth be told, all recent attempts to drag my arse off the couch have been only in my mind.

Swistle said...

Devan: Exactly! Sometimes I can just tell I'm not in the right frame of mind to add a valuable comment.

Erica: Exactly. It gets me riled when I see people who seem to seek out blogs they disagree with and then leave lots of bad comments. Ick.

Laughing Mommy: That happened to me once, too! I was so surprised! I could understand if they wanted to respond to my comment within that comment section, but it was so weird when they came to my blog to duke it out.

Marie Green: I really liked your comment, about that class. I think that's totally right, too, about groups banding together if there's conflict outside the group, and creating it within the group if there isn't. I've seen that again and again in workplaces. I remember reading that groups will deliberately set up external conflict in order to create that group-bonding effect. Religious groups, fraternities, sports teams, etc.

Omaha Mama: That way out had not yet occurred to me, but I'm filing it away. "I didn't mean REAL running! Just INTERNET running! TYPING about running!"

Swistle said...

Okay, I finally thought of some examples of when it would be wrong of me to comment:

1) When I'm objecting to the fact of someone's religion or that they believe it.

2) When I think that what someone just posted was unbelievably trite and soppy.

3) When I think an "award" is actually a virus.

There's no sense in it. It makes sense to have an interesting discussion about a religious belief or whether following a certain religion means believing a certain thing--but it's useless to argue that someone shouldn't believe it at all. What, like I think beliefs can be changed? or like I want other people telling ME what I should try to make myself believe or not believe? It makes sense to say "hear hear!" if someone says something I think is sweet, but not to say anything at all if I think it's gaggy. What, like I'm never going to make anyone gag? It makes no sense at all to say anything about the pseudo-awards.