Happy Mother's Day, all you mothers!
Happy nausea, shortness of breath, needing to pee every five minutes, heartburn, stretch marks, permanent tummy softness, permanent rib expansion, and let's not discuss labor and delivery.
Happy doing it again a year or two or three or more later.
Happy not knowing why they're letting you just take the baby home from the hospital when you have no qualifications whatsoever and probably can't be trusted to do anything right.
Happy on-the-job training.
Happy worrying that the baby isn't breathing.
Happy waking the baby up checking.
Happy feeling like a Reader's Digest joke about motherhood.
Happy worrying that you don't love the baby.
Happy worrying that you no longer love your husband because you love the baby so much.
Happy thinking you'll go insane.
Happy thinking you already have.
Happy cleaning up poop.
Happy cleaning up barf.
Happy not minding it as much when it belongs to your own child.
Happy still gagging.
Happy feeling like you're doing everything wrong.
Happy feeling like you're figuring things out.
Happy feeling like no, you're still doing everything wrong.
Happy wondering if you should be worrying more.
Happy wondering if you should be worrying less.
Happy wondering if there are things you don't know you're supposed to be worrying about.
Happy toddler years.
Happy teenage years.
Happy first day of school, waving goodbye, crying all the way home, fretting all day.
Happy first day back the next year, thanking god the summer is over.
Happy crayon drawings all over the refrigerator.
Happy finger prints all over the walls.
Happy learning more about cleaning supplies than you ever wanted to know, between this and the whole poop/barf thing.
Happy never being able to hear bad news about children again.
Happy feeling like you have an automatic bond with all other mothers.
Happy worrying about dentist bills, orthodontist bills, glasses, sport fees, new clothes.
Happy investing in the future of no one you'd rather spend money on.
Happy still wishing there was more money and that children didn't use up so much of it.
Happy crying at weddings. Happy crying at births.
Happy moving up from mom to grandma. Happy watching it start over again.
Happy Mother's Day.
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...